You were a poem from the beginning

Something in your boyish features and shining blonde hair, shabbily cut across those blue eyes
You were a marvel to me simply in the way you walked, floating on knobby knees and slouching socks
In your blackline tattoos, the silver hoop in your left ear, your skin Moroccan gold
And you had that one darkened tooth of a crooked smile lover

In the afternoon, I watched the sun cut through the holes in the space above us
In shy glances, I watched whole worlds of your boyish beauty as you slept in the sun
Occassionally waking for sips of warming beer from green glass bottles
Your warm honey belly balancing a clever man's novel

And later, in the dark, empty palace of a room, between those ancient stained glass windows and those eternal flowing fabrics,
The boy I knew as endless whispered so softly,
"I think I must be boring"
But I could swear you are a poem breathing life
You are sweet cadence come alive

I can still taste chocolate and wine on your lips
And I feel the laughs from deep in my belly as you crossed your legs and told me stories
I still feel the softness of your hair, the sweat from the tip of your nose
I still see you smiling at me from the far end of the pool
That one dark tooth of yours the only imperfection in sight

I like the clumsy lovers
The boys who don't make every right move
Who don't have slick & tired lines borrowed from tacky romance novels

I like the ones whose clumsy words widen their eyes in disbelief that they could've said such a thing at a time like this

The ones who laugh nervously are heavenly
Making jokes to make up for whatever it is they think they lack
They don't know my laughs are cups of red adoration as they spill from my mouth and onto my pillowcase

I can't help but love you when you stammer as you tell me I'm beautiful, while your eyes trace me as if I'm a private discovery of yours

I love your vulnerability, your nervous hands, your silly jokes, that kind heart and those little smirks

I love how you look into my eyes and say what you mean, beautiful or not

I like the clumsy lovers
Because in the moments you think you're falling apart, I'm falling hopelessly for you
Believe me, clumsy lover, there's something right for me in the way you do things wrong

You were here on holiday, only stopping in on the big move to England
And I was just a lost girl, a little wandering wonder,
And so I was here for 90 days, and I knew you for two

We met in the afternoon in a pub
It was that *****, early 20's, new and a little exciting kind of thing

And you had an instant fan in me
You were smart, you were funny, well-dressed and fairly kind
And you talked about all the stupid things I liked

And I watched your strengths and I wondered if you too saw your weaknesses,
And I loved that you were afraid to cry at the new Star Wars premiere

And so we got a little tipsy, paid the tab and left to find ourselves more sweet, sweet beer at a more reasonable price for two such kids

And so we got drunk on a park bench on €1 beers

And we listened to your scattered songs
And we kissed in those old Spanish streets as if we'd been in young love for centuries
When it had really only been about 3 hours since we'd seen each other first

But it was good, and it was nice, and we both needed it, I think

So the next day we met again
You were just as funny, just as kind, and this time, even more well-dressed, in your smart leather shoes

And we did it all over again on day two
The pub, the beers, the bench, the tacky kisses and the bits of banter

And the next day, you left

But we still keep in touch
And I'd like to see you again
I'm hoping for a day three
I'm a big fan of yours

I see you there,
See-through Girl, barely there

you think you must be yelling

nothing but a whisper

See-through Girl, you live amongst monsters
and the real people question if you or they are even there

See-through Girl,
your world is whispers and monsters
and second bests and blind eyes
last resorts and second rate sins

See-through girl,
see it through the night
and we'll do it all again

i like to dance inside your arms
like a mosquito trapped inside a room

i don't know who's got the stronger grip between us two
but i think you're a little less stuck on me than i am stuck on you

You are a tiger
You crouch and wait to pounce

Hungry for a moment
Hungry to taste it on your tongue
To let it fill your insides

But the moment sees an idea dancing behind your eyes
and breaks out in great, thundering strides
The moment breaks away from you
Crouching there

So pounce
Don't starve yourself

The moment is here to feast upon
So feast

Take off running and clamp your teeth in now

Don't let the moment bleed out
**** it quickly, with gratitude
Let its pure grace soak in to your skin

Taste it
Feast

I have the world
I have touched God
felt his breath on the back of my neck while I dove in and out of the clearest night skies known to any man, living or dead
I have drank euphoria down with certain privilege

and here I stand in the middle of this hot room,
sweat marks lining a ***** and greyed night shirt
legs wrapped in clinging and cheap black fabric
covered in dog hairs, cat fur and spilt milk
I can smell it souring with my negligence

I stand here sweating, shaking
I repeat
over and over and over
"I need a doctor"
"I need a doctor"
"I need a doctor"
"I need a doctor"
"I need a doctor"

I cannot stop

and my chest will not do me the the honour
to heave with tears and gasps
draining itself of sickness

it is wound like an overcompensating clock
around itself
and collapsing into me
surely
and too quickly

I stand here
I watch my oily, reddening face bring swollen eyes that modest salted water drips from,
slowly
like an unkept tap

I need a doctor
my mind has collapsed onto itself
a Victorian home with roaches climbing in and out of softened floorboards
a feast on what remains