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Pink Taylor Jul 2019
What I want
What I need

What I know
I cannot have

All the things
All the blocks
that restrict
what's up for grabs.

I'm sorry
I upset you
by saying
I don't want to be alive

but I can't lie
and tell you
that I do.

What's the point
when everything
is always a ******* struggle
what's the point
when every step
is always another step uphill?

WHY?

What is the point
of all this hassle?
Just for love
some small joys
some tiny jokes that make you giggle?

When the things
that I want
have always been so out of reach
All the hardships
that I've been through
don't even help me peak

I just can't
I just won't
pretend that it's okay
to go about
and walk around
living the boring
day to day

The simple things
are all I want
but
I feel
I'll never get them.
I don't wan't fame
don't want fortune
just my own ******* kitchen.

But day by day
More and more
I think
that
it will never happen.

So can you really blame me
when I say
I just want to quit breathing?
Pink Taylor Apr 2019
Red lines running through my
       mind all day
I cannot make them


                go away
   cannot let the thoughts
                  sink in
Like a razor in my skin


Cannot let them win
Pink Taylor Apr 2019
The urge is more
     overwhelming
                       every day
I cannot make it
               go away.
I wake up with tears
           in my eyes
and go to bed
              just the same.


I know I am fighting
          a battle

that I will eventually
           lose.
Pink Taylor Apr 2019
Sometimes it feels like
we're just making excuses
to not see each other.
Is that what's happening
or
am I just overthinking things?
Are we getting closer
or further apart?

Do I
still truly
have your heart?
Pink Taylor Apr 2019
Why does the human heart
have to love
       so much?
Why do I have to
                                 yearn?
I would like to accept
  that things are
      the way they are
   And who cares?
                                     But I do
                    too much.
I want such a different
     life than I am living
And it's not so easy
to just "take a different path."
I like the road I'm on
It is just
    far too slow
          And it's killing me.

I'm so tired of breathing
                        the same
                           stale
                            air
So tire of waking
                     to nobody
                          there
Unbearably sick of
                       living
                            dependent

I can't stand it.
Pink Taylor Apr 2019
I want to move forward
so badly
but all this time
a spire
has stood in our way.
I love you as hard
as I could imagine
loving anyone
but still
it's not enough.

I am not allowed to live with you
because they would disagree.
And
we cannot
get married
because you are not free.

You say that you're sorry
and I surely believe you
but
it doesn't change things.

I still sleep
                      alone.
And we lie
                      perfectly.

I don't want to live this way.

I cannot keep doing this.

I need to
escape
escape
escape
escape
Pink Taylor Jul 2018
I don't often find
sharp edges
on you.
It's startling
to see how easily
those harsh words
mean everything.

That time it was you
and I
recall
a few other times that
you were the cause

Just cause
I pretend so easily
doesn't mean
they don't
cut straight into me

You're not an enemy
But sometimes
the result is just the same.

Strange,
Making you a "failure"
is as filled with guilt
As making him one.
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