I experienced a miracle tonight
You'd probably laugh
If I tell you exactly what I mean by miracle so I wont
But I found it, alone and forgotten
In the corner of the room

I say miracle because it came to me
In my time of need, sleep wouldn't come
I was up thinking of what I should've said
What I could possibly say to you tomorrow
Trying in vain to lose this desperate feeling
So scoff as you might, a miracle
Happened here tonight, a gift
From the **** gods

I know, I know, it was just a gift
From one of my stoner friends
But it was a everything to me, so
I went to my room, put on some music
And prepared to write you this
To somehow help me say what I need to say
And when my phone sang of death
As I so often like to do, I saw your face
And I was terrified

You made me feel something I haven't felt in ages

I hate spending time worrying about what-ifs
I try to focus on only what I know
What if I left the stove on and the house burnt down?
What if I just can't pay my bills and have to live with my parents?
What if Christians are right about God and I'm going to Hell?
What if somewhere it rained apple juice and chocolate covered raisins?
You get it, the list goes on forever

But... what if you loved me
What then?
I believe in a lot of things
People meet for a reason
Rarely yeah, but sometimes
And I haven't figured out
If I met you for a reason yet
So for that instant
As I considered myself at the end of things
Instead of being at peace
I was absolutely petrified
Of never finding out

What if I loved you?
What if you were the final piece of this puzzle?
Like I said, I believe in a lot of things
Miracles being one of them
Yeah, it may be a shallow excuse for a so called act of God
But look, it helped this all come pouring out
It made me think of you

If only I had a machine or crystal ball
Or an app on this stupid smart phone
To show me all of the ******* possibilities...
Scratch that, I already know
It'd probably show you in my arms
As we rest in the shade of a blossoming cherry tree
Show me sleeping with my ear over your heart
Soothed by the symphony of the blood in your veins
Show us everything we've ever hoped to find
And if the weight of my own loneliness
Fails to grind my backbone into dust
It will be a miracle

Oh, miracles...
Life is the biggest one that I know of
Our existence itself the greatest gift of all
It's sad how it's usually only appreciated
In the face of its own ending
Or in the faces of the ones
Who flash before your eyes in that moment
Like yours, and I don't even know you yet
Who's to say that I ever will
So what the **** does this mean?

Now I can't help but ask myself
Do I really believe in all that ******* I say?
That death is not an abyss, I am the Universe
So even if I was truly dying, take comfort
Embrace it, all life must end someday
And when my time is up, I will finally know you
As if I always have, as if we were
Never apart in the first place

Now those ******* questions
That can't be answered
Have me staying up to ask
The moon, the stars
In vain

What if there is only darkness after death?
What if this life is my only chance to know love?
What if all the nights such as this mean nothing at all?

The worst part of this whole thing is
That I might never find out.

No more Midnight, Midnight's dead
Earth's illness came and hit her head
Did she even know how hard she bled?
Could she even see the red?

Oh, Midnight, now your eyes are closed
Your ignorance even more exposed
And now you'll always be composed
Your heart - those gorgeous eyes - enclosed

But your eyes will never be so bright
Your pupils won't dilate in the light
You'll never see another sight
You'll never ever walk the night

Who's affection now will seem-
to keep me peaceful while I dream?
In sleep's embrace, will I stay clean?
With no embrace, her eyes unseen

Midnight, Midnight, rest's in peace
I miss her eyes, her heart has ceased
Her blank stare is now deceased
Her fragile body, now released

Now Midnight won't be bugged by time
She has no tears, she can't see mine
Now she's with the moon, enshrined
She never understood this rhyme...

Midnight watching, golden-eyed
watching from her raven skies
watching, timeless, as we live and die
watching, sickened, when we lie

We say no when we mean yes,
we deny our own distress,
we make good things a **** mess,
when we ignore our happiness

Midnight, Midnight, eyes so bright,
pupils dilated when there is no light,
she has seen so many sights,
even though she lives in night

Her affection, it does seem,
to keep us peaceful while we dream,
in sleeps embrace, when we are clean,
when we don't have to think a thing

Midnight, Midnight, knows no time,
doesn't count her own tears, let alone mine,
the moon to her is just a floating dime,
she does not (do you?) understand this rhyme...

I'm more lonely than I've ever been before
It feels like I'm stuck in the 1st circle
Limbo, purgatory, with other souls
That can never truly know each other

No, it's my own isolation
Coursing single file through my veins
In solitary red blood cells
Seeping through my pores, hanging in the air
Being caught in my aura of perpetual silence
Muffling my words and weighing down my heart

I swear, I'll never sleep at night again
My world is deserted, all doors are closed and locked
While I roam the building alone
Because it's getting too cold outside for me
To go and burn a few more nails into my coffin
So I'll just walk real slow and listen to
My footsteps echo down the stairwell
That leads to nowhere special

The ache behind my eyeballs
The pressure on my chest
The burning in the back of my throat
The wait for a sleep that is too short
For a day that lasts too long and a night
As empty as the rest, just let me be
And I will bury myself in my own little world
Of blankets and bad dreams
Cuddling my tired liver
Snuggling my wheezing lungs
Wishing they were you

I don't know which is worse-
The thought of those deeper circles of my soul
Where I've drowned in the muck of forgetfulness
Where I've been entombed by my hatred, burned by my rage
Frozen up to my neck in mistakes, regrets and traitorous tears
-Or this bare existence, which once included
Every one of you who made me believe
That life is more than this, but
I have seen enough rainbows to know by now
That it is just as cold at the end
And the grass is just as dead
As it is everywhere else

See, I'm the elephant in the room that makes
Everyone uncomfortable, even myself
And still, I wonder what it is that makes
Friends pretend not to notice each other
And walk in opposite directions

They're either against you
Or against you, so I'll just stay
Alone with my fate, until I fade away
Like the pencil on this paper, until I end up
As just a name on a little plastic cup of pills
Or a cross on the side of the road buried in snow
What's one more broken bone
In a world full of broken people?
What's one more unheard voice
In a world full of ******* gunshots?
(as if i even know what I should say)
What's one more polluted river
In a world full of acid rain?
What's one more ****** poem
In a world full of ****** writers?

See, I'm a walking disappointment
They say that death wields a scythe
No, death wields hopelessness and despair
And loneliness, it sits behind my eyelids
And in my brain stem, it catches life in a trap
Like a little bird and clips its wings
So that it may never soar free like it was meant to
And the times I'm feeling happy are just kindly death
Letting me out of my cage for a little while
Before it carves its way into some ancient stone
And buries me in everything
That I have ever feared

If you ever get that feeling of impending doom
That crawling on your skin, that chill down your spine
That's me, cursing my fate
Savaging the ******* world
With my bare and broken hands
I can feel the blood underneath my fingernails
I can taste the sweet marrow on my tongue
If only I had the power, but I am powerless
I am nothing, less than nothing, everything I ever said I hated
The sun will die, the stars will fall to earth
Before I find a deeper hole to lie in
And dissolve, like salt in the blood of a wound
Like a moth burning in the flame of it's own heart
Like one nightmare into another
Until the world ends

Chase your dreams, they said
Follow your heart, stay true
To yourself, get in touch
With your soul

Well I've touched it
If it's my soul that I see
Curling out of my nose in smokey tendrils
My dreams run from me
And I'm so very weary
On most days, when all there is is acid
Eating away at my stomach

They always say go find yourself
I've succeeded in that at least

I have sat and
Stared at the sky
Barely breathing
Before forgetting
To breathe
At all

I have stayed up sleepless nights
And countless hours
I have begged for help from the moon
And received none

I tore through my skin
Picked my way in between
Muscle, sinew, arteries and veins
I've examined every shard
Of bone in my body
Until I found it
My soul
Lurking
In my
Marrow

I have clawed my way through
Every thought I've ever had
And finally succeeded

They never say what to do
If you don't like what you find
I don't really care though
I'm just more lonely than
I have ever felt before

What is the truth that you wont avow?
And if it's not what I'm thinking why is my love not allowed?
But you can't ever say never, no matter how-
much I know you want to... so what's wrong with right now?

You know I'll be up all night
you know that I'm not alright
you know the one whom I must fight-
within myself, my heart so tight...

What is with me? I'm a mess
what just hit me? A train wreck?
**** me, I'm stupid, just attack-
My delusions before they all come back

All that I can do is keep pretending-
just to stay sane, I keep your love never ending
within my poor heart, my soul breaking, mind bending-
To the beat of your heart, the pain unrelenting....

I pretend you're my pillow, asleep on my chest
comfortable with me, but I'm just like the rest-
of all of these guys, and you're just the best-
of all of my thoughts, impatient and stressed

I missed you all summer, I miss you right now
but i'm finally slipping, I'm taking a bow
guess I can't help it when my love's not allowed
but i still can't say never... I just don't know how..

Flowing. Freezing. Frozen.
Ice on the Delaware.
Another summer has to come.
Once again, we'll fish there.

Speeding. Slowing. Stopped.
We'll decorate the world.
One or two, no, ten times more.
Before the strings of fate unfurl.

Racing. Running. Rest.
We'll reap what we sowed.
Into the fragrant Mother Earth.
The seeds of life will go.
And you will help this silly child.
Because you always know.

Winning. Losing. Lost.
The sorrow does not soothe.
And right now, I'm that kind of sad.
The kind forbidding you to move.
My soul is burning in my bones.
My skin's surface so smooth.

Sleeping. Dreaming. Dreamt.
The stories told and never told.
The arms will wrap around you.
When you're alone or not alone.
The tears you'll cry when you are young.
Etch out the canyons of the old.
Point to the memories of everything.
That nostalgia has foretold.

Living. Dying. Dead.
Cats and Dogs and Birds.
Carved into your backyard.
Driving by the herds.
Green, green Pennsylvania.
Silent, sad Narrowsburg.
Where water is just glass.
Where the train is seldom heard.
It is vague, vaguer, and vaguest.
While it's taking you away.
Where you must've gone to stay.
To create the land of made up words.
And make tomorrow yesterday.
Because the time is always yours.

Frozen. Freezing. Flowing.
Found and never lost.
Sleeping. Smiling. You are here.
Ice is barely frost.
Shooting. Shooting. Shooting stars.
You will decorate the world.
You'll wish for me. I'll wish for you.
The Earth will always twirl.
And I'll be alone or not alone.
One day, I'll simply be too old.
One day, I will ride that train.
The train that will be just as vague.
But I know that I'll stay young, stay bold.
My stories will be told.

And your arms will wrap around me.
Living. Living. Alive.