I was never an artist,

I was the athlete-

so said my mother and sister.

This meant I ran faster,

kicked harder,

ran away but came home

only to find you

hanging that noose.

I was 9 years old

and I saw you in the dusted

garage.

I saw you standing on that

stool.

Is that what you wanted?

Were you trying to prove

a ******* thing?

Did you want nothing

to do with your

two precious daughters?

Did you want your cheating

husband to turn around

and beg for forgiveness

and tell you that he loved you?

yeah, I was 9 and

I opened that door and

saw that noose around  your neck.

I screamed ****** ******

and fell to my knees.

Please mama! No!

She cried and stepped

down.

She ran to her bedroom

and I followed screaming.

All I remember from that night

was daddy leaving us all behind

one of many times.

my head is clear,

so I thought.

but when I fall,

I fall harder

each and every time.

my head is clear,

I can only hope.

but do i resist

from all that makes me

sick and bleed?

I’m on my knees

trying to please,

oh, what a pathetic reason.

I can give you all that you

want, or not.

but I can try, oh

I can give it everything

that I’ve got.

only because I’ve been had,

and I’ll have been had

a few more times I’m sure.

only until there is nothing left

to give.

dip me in danger,

then take me out.

I’m broken

and dizzy.

leave me in the sun,

to dry

or to be colored.

if we don’t act fast,

I’ll evaporate into your

past.

there’s a fee to becoming

free, and my debt

is digging deep

and spilling into the sea.

take my money from me

take my virginity

it’s lost at sea

along with all of my hopes

I want purity

something heavenly

cause I’m drownin’ now

and there’s no land to swim to

just some dark clouds

I don’t think I’ve ever screamed so loud

but sometimes the sun comes out

and I scream pretty loud