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chase you to the ends of the earth
just to show you what i'm worth
if only we could just stay
but it's so hard to meet halfway
it feels so bad when we're apart
wish you were here from the start
just stay with me, be with me
if only it were that easy
all the things we could've done
if our chances hadn't stopped at one
now we're miles away, you're yesterday
while i'm today, i don't wanna wait
if i could fly a plane, i'd be there right away
keep a place for me, keep waiting for me. okay?
a picture perfect dreamscape
somewhere for me to escape
away from the daily nightmares
where there's no one to care

i'll dream about a garden
maybe i'll play a martian
it's like i'm back with my toys
but i'm no longer a boy

i wish i could let myself grow
but i'm too scared to let myself go
dangling on a cliff without a rope
is this how it feels to lose all hope

the world in my head is infinite
but i know that i'm still limited
by my own demons, i'm hesitating
we're all wearing makeup
but mine is flaking
frankly i'm shaking
cause maybe i don't wanna wake up

and after all this time
can my life finally be mine
i've missed all the ******* signs
i'm surprised i haven't been left behind

so here i stand with you
the one part i could never lose
is it me or you that's hanging on
some day it'll all be gone
and i'll be alone again
and we'll go back
to where it all began
i wanna feel safe, i wanna feel whole
but some of these days i just lose control
is the version of a person i envisioned
my own desire or just another mission
in a doomed operation, in a doomed war
in a doomed campaign, never made it far
or not far enough, i didn't do much
i can't even gain my own trust
so that made me too indecisive
always feeling like i'm in a crisis
self doubt's a hole i'm too dug into
i'm this close to breaking in two
in the end, what am i supposed to do
if i can't decide for myself
how can i confide in you
The party's over now
The sun's coming up
Not a word, not a sound
Better pack up my stuff

I'm taking the backdoor
Keeping it lowkey
Cause I know you want more
But that's just not for me
I can't be what you wanted
I can't be what you need
I'm just hoping for something
That won't make me bleed

The first train is coming
And I'm feeling cold
I'd miss mama's cooking
But I'm just too old

Always took the backdoor
And kept it lowkey
Cause I can never be sure
That you'll be there for me
I don't think I want to
But it's what I need
Cause after what I've been through
I can't afford to bleed

I always loved summer
But I'm stuck in winter
I took some falls
Thought I'd seen it all
But I'm not even halfway
Still dreaming 'bout some day

Knocking on your front door
You'll be waiting for me
Be mine and I'll be yours
Like it was meant to be
That's all I wanted
That's all I need
But I'm just dreaming
I wanna go back to sleep
kind of a poem, kind of a song, idk it's in my head
Pentanomical May 13
i can't hide, no more
i feel washed ashore
i wish i showed more
what is all this for

my head and my heart both ache
how many more pills can i take
is it all placebo in the end
can i become the hero again
or will i just go down a villain
and hate myself for my decisions
i can't be alone, yet i can't leave home
staring at these mold spots that have grown
even thinking makes me feel sick
sometimes i doubt i'll make it through the week
so many wrong things i can't pick one
i've been longing for just a ray of sun
happiness dies fast and regrets last
i even stopped caring about my eyebags
replaying those moments like they'll be different
and i keep asking myself what was missing
Pentanomical May 11
it was the last days of high
we were busy saying good bye
all the laughs and tears
looking back on our 3 years

time felt so slow then
but it's so fast now
if i did it again
i would still not know how

how do i step up
the shivers just creep up
never was good at confessions
never was the one to show affection

i never really learned
it's still a slow burn
another love song for another day
i put it on loop, i'll just let it play
Pentanomical May 7
i'd rather get missed calls
than get nothing at all
sipping tea on the balcony
thinking bout that night in albany
can't believe how much it rains
reminds me of the day before you came
keeping a place on my bed for you
keeping up the pace so i can catch up too
what are you up to? how are you doing?
i get the urge to call you every morning
but the mourning period is over
time for me to get sober
cause bottles are getting empty
and i'm beginning to feel the frenzy
tangled up in cords that keep me going on
why is your life so short and mine so long
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