reflections: fantasy is a mystery
                           &   reality holds true beauty
becoming human
the transformation from creature
                                            to woman
this existence is persistently assisting me
as my spine straightens and I grow up
an intellectual with spirit and heart
a conscious awareness for each living
creature, person, plant...
the movement of the world
time, space, distance through wind
a lack of gravity and thin layers
to travel into new skin, new motives
creating new memories to outshine
the grime

twenty one and single
broken hearted
feels *******
working hard
day in day out
volatile tactics
repeating old habits
twenty one and single
wondering why
I do what I do
art and beer
*** and fear
nothing is clear
why do I want you here?
things were easy
enjoying your breathing
the heat you emit
the way that we fit
twenty one and single
wondering too much
craving to be touched
who and when
again with a friend
why why why
in the evening
......why
do I miss that guy?

Camille is purple
tensing her body
feeling lonely
not lonely
enough
to call anyone
all calls are dry mouthed
and stained ***** red
apothic red if you
want her to be
exact although
unnatural
she writes
drunk
and never edits
the words tumble out
of her like kids who learn
gymnastics at a young age
and laugh at her for plugging
her nose when jumping into the
foam pit, so unnatural

Marilyn talks to her and she
feels a little less lonely, and
a little more comfortable in
her abnormalities as she sips
at her glass before chugging
the rest of the bottle while
pondering another until
she realizes that it's no
good for her rethinks
and decides it's a
yes

would you take me with you?
before the snow comes
and my schedule freezes
because college will be over
and my days will start to mold
again like they always were
when drunk kisses at the
bar were better than a
lovers because passion
was always absent
can't help but wonder, why is that?
the past is gone and nowhere
near good or rather closer
to evil and shedding
layers like seasons
breaking even into
new embraces that leave
traces in aches in the places
where skin was on skin was on
skin just get in and begin to make
the future look positive when imagining
your blue eyes trapping my insides
twisting and wishing that you'd only
twist more gather into me gather
my hair into your fists oh how
I wish that this mist wouldn't
clear for a year maybe two
what to do? I am blue
and you are green or white
perhaps dark or perhaps light
I really can't be quite sure
you're a blur
dashing
my hearts a plane
crashing into the side of your mountain
mesh with my molding
don't stop holding me
folding me into position
I like a man with a mission
maybe it's the wrong lake that I'm fishing
because there are plenty of fish in the sea
those fish are too big and not as tasty
to fry, tough guy, big guy, just
say hi and stay high with me
one two three don't **** with me
I just want to sing melodies
keep living my fantasies
walking together with
you through the night
grabbing hands it's
alright and I just
might not let go
so quickly this
time because
the warmth that I'm feeling
is that of a heathen and
your advances are chances
at passionate romances
you're a magician
I'm an enchantress

*** makes me hungry
love makes me tired
don't drive a car?
hard to get hired
got a few small jobs
don't think I'll be fired
moving hard and fast
coffee's got me wired
*** makes me hungry
love makes me tired
he had heavy kisses
fiery big hands
quick and fragile
stimulation bound
a starved hound
who likes to pound
deeper and deeper
wants me screaming
*** makes me hungry
love makes me tired

better to be silent
than say words
that are brittle
and break
under the
weight
of their meaning.

existing without living
waking and breathing
in short spurts of pain
too ***** to be touched
picked and scabbing
bleeding into dinner
kissing into sleep
choking
pushed away
love this is not
lust preserves the rot
my heart's in a knot
if only I was taught