KICK OFF
the feeling that theres something wrong
There is nothing
NOTHING
wrong with me at all
Its just the way the moon
makes me feel
I hate the feelings a fullmoon brings

Sea shore
sea shore
beckoninng
With those warm rays
and gentle hands
Guide me forward
and I will follow
silently
ever knonwing
in my heart
that this is right
Seashore
I love your warmth
Your desire
and I love that I am a humble pebble
that sits watching seasons upon your isle

Today its my birthday
But im not having a party
Cos im ill
Im not having cake
Cos im ill
I couldnt go out with the girls last night
Cos im blinkin ill
So im putting my birthday off
Until another day
Cos thou the sun is shining
**I really int feeling it

I miss tucking my feet under legs

while sitting cosy on the sofa

under the legs of another

I always get cold feet

Its not like I miss anyone in perticular

I just miss having somewhere warm to tuck my feet

So few moments
of understanding
So few diamonds
roughly cut
pure and
shining in the sun

One day my words will scream in side my head
There will be a thirst unquenched
A hand unheld
And a million moments lost within the framework we call life
How to hold on when everyone about is drowning
Hold me up
Chuck me a life jacket
Where the hell am I
Sinking
Further
Faster
Hell this is no fun anymore
And as I turn to look into your eyes
Your laughing
This world is for the rich
The mighty sword holds tight
Across my chest
I breath in air
And choak out blood
Look down at your hands
Blood
As red as the lips in which you kiss goodnight
In the shade of the shining moon

I will hold the  hand*
In which friendship lies*
When darkness falls
I will hold tighter
Angels  sit quietly by your side
while you weep
Your pain is raw

The wounds today are open and unhealing  
and the sun just didnt want to shine
Though you can not feel them
Angels wipe away the tears
Giving as I have asked

In the hours
when your darkness takes over  
When you can not breath
I will be the breath
that holds you
just for a while
until you breath freely
once more

When darkness falls
Be not afraid
ask for help
I can not always be here
But i have asked the light beings to stay a while
Incase you need them
to guide you back home

:-)

Tonight I need the glow from an open fire
I need the embrace of warm coals
Which blackens my mind
But sets fire to my desires
Tonight I don't wish to sleep alone
Upon a cold sheet full of the
Yesterday's memories  
The warmth you left
lingers in corners
And whisper's my name
I look within
But find you gone
Long ago
When love was real
The fires grew strong
And the night's were full of the scent
Which only belongs to my heart
Tonight I search the grate for signs of you
Embers linger
There is a truth
That lies here
It feels so hollow
Tonight  I need the glow from an open fire

Simple really
You light the room in candles
Spray a gentle musk upon your skin
And wait for your love to come calling

Blissful moments to treasure

The journey of my tears
Brings me back
Yet still
The doors are still closed
And your no where to be seen
Tears fall in vain
You play your games
But you will never win

Be not too quick
To slay
For he who knows himself
Inside and out
Is he who may throw the first stone
I will not be one to judge
And expect in return
The truth
Of which I feel
I am surely owed

At times in my life i asked for help but no one came
At times I felt abandonned within this skin
At times i hated all that was my life
The knife was too sharpe
The stone too hard
And peoples hearts were too transparent
God sent jesus
He also sent his forgotten angel
lucifer
The bringer of light
Through his darkness
We turn the night into day
We turn nightmares into illusions
He got swollowed up into the plan which god created
A darkness darker than any humans heart
We in our physical form felt the darkness
The strong ones manage to climb through
To become enlightened
They will be
True survivors in eternity
But the souls of some
Can't take the strain
Death and disallusion
Was never the aim
As we become lighter
So can lucifer take his his place once again
By God's right side
Now tell me
Who really is the saviour of men

Underneath that barbedwire exterior
You smile your graces
and pretend you are untouchable
Within the lapse of reason you have created for yourself
there is a greater meaning to this all

I hate to be the one who justifies your reasons
and destroys your ideas of endless confession
There is no one who can help you here
Except yourself
And im not sure your ready or willing to even try

The sun sinks low behind the hills of repentence
Can you see the blood flowing
Like a stream unto the sea
Can you hear your memories of submission
As the wind gently flows through the bows of you mind

Shh
Listen carefully to the murmurrings of thine heart
The rythmic enchantment plays out the tune at the base
Of thine existence and yet you still move forward never
knowing where your journey will end

Others are touched by the sadness that surrounds you
Thinkingly they try to save you from the gift life has bestowed
upon your fevered brow and yet you look to them with
Contempt they are the ones who never understood
They become mirrors in which you see what you will never have

Leave my side you say to thine brothers and sisters
Who try to walk the same path be it for whatever reason they may have
In this difficult time move freely away from me with no guilt
Worry not for me as this is just as I had chosen for my life to be
Look upon your own life before looking upon mine
Change in your life what you will and leave me to my path for one day I too will surely shine

Peacefully you climb forward taking momentary steps backwards
before again  travelling  forward
This is the way it was always ment to be
Others must look upon their own sun and smile
upon their own children
Keeping them from harm in the winter of our world

Your skin is so soft
Maybe for just a while you will come
And rest your weary brow
By my side
I know we are but friends
Just lie with me a while
Your skin is so tender
I will not touch of course im sorry
Come close your eyes
Your hair flows so freely
No I promise not to take hold
Of your soul
In the night
And set fire to your passions
Willing you to show me more
But we are just friends
Your mind is so troubled
Come tell me all
I will smooth away your troubles
Lie still
Peacefully
Beautifully
Deliciously
Oh how i want you
We are but friends
How sensual this moment
Before
Before
Before
How can I put myself in this place of temptation
How can you lie there
Knowing
knowing
knowing
That i want to devour you whole
I must
I must
I must
Release my chains of frustration
Your skin is so Tender
Your skin so so smooth
Please hold me
Please
**I just want to be your friend

Am i thoughtfully pondering

or is

My mind  experiencing a fragmented moment

or is

There a different perspective you could offer me

I would be grateful for any in put

Actually **** it

I'm going to sleep

All this fragmented pondering surely isn't good for

The mind

The girl is  waiting for the moment just before midnight
The waiting driving madness further into her core
With every beat of her frail heart
She falls deeper into her self
Silenced only by the louder noise of wings flapping around her
What should she do?
Run?
She sits shocked in awe of such a beautiful creature
Feared by many
The girl knew only too well the ways in which we try so hard to think ourselves superior
And yet we fall when nature takes hold
Manipulating
Killing
Respectfully hiding our faces in the sand
The creature holds her gaze for a meer moment
Connection is made
Can you feel the invisable thread
can you witness
The tears that flow so freely
Cleansing the pain
Freeing the soul
Can you hear the heartbreak of the Dragon
As it sings the tunes of every heartbreak
Wanting the endings to be simpler
Less painful
Dragons have visions
The past is gone
And the future is beyond their control
The dragon out side her room
Is still breathing
Just
As a single tear is seen trickling down his face
She holds on tight to the thought
That if a dragon can die of heartbreak
Then what hope is there for a girl as frail
And misunderstood as she
She lies beside him
When dawn breaks she finds herself alone
With a note left
'Gone back to the heart from whence I came'
Look after your heart well
For if the dragon in you finds it needs to be free from you
The pain must have been so strong
But now he has released that which he could no longer hold onto
He can once more be connected
To all that you have become

Today i subscribed to your poetry
I wanted to get in touch
With your inner beauty
Not learn about what eats you up inside
To day I wrote I love you in a tex
I wanted to touch a heart
With the beauty inside me
Not hear about what a hard boring day yourve had at work
Today I held the hand of a child
That barely understands the concept of friendship
I wanted to help him learn
But he took his hand and hid
Unable to connect to the world outside
Today I saw the sunrise
And I dreamed of being somewhere else
This scares me because I'm ment to be in love
I loved you because
You saw in me what I never saw myself
I held you for a while
Before I knew I had to walk away
Today I made a note to self
Be grateful
Be wise
Be ready
To listen carefully
because boredom runs deep and if this is all you see
It will be all you get
To not take for grantage
That we all feel different
And at the end of the day the child held out a hand
In need of connection
Be ready when the sunset comes
To take hold of the moment
Before it disappears
Be grateful
Be ready
Be wise

So here we are
I never thought you would stab me in the back
But hey
What are friends for
You always were one crazy sucker
I remember the time
You made me promise to love you forever
We sliced open our veins
And shared our blood
You said
I was your blood brother
Friend
You are no brother of mine
Back stabber
No I'm not your friend
I am nothing to you now
but a memory
One that will defianately
Not keep you warm
Within the womb of your old age
Not now
Because sweet friend
The last time you said cut me here and share
I forgot to sew you up again
I forgot to undo
The thing that we had created
I was fed up
Bored to death
Death
Has such a nice ring to it
I wont cut myself anymore
Not now your gone
Don't forgive me
Please I never want
Even that from you
I hope your bleeding brings you
All the desires and twisted peace
That you deserve

Just Wondering
When the hounds will
Be settled in their beds for the night?
Let me know
For only then
Will I be Back
To play with words so sweet
All this hate is Consuming
All that is
Beautiful

With these hands
I could save myself
from falling
I could reach out
before the sunsets upon the day
I could write a love song
To remind you
of why you love me
With these hands
I could build a wall
I could stop you from coming close
With these hands i could
command a thousand men
To strike the enermy
or to love thy neighbour
before the dawn
But no
Tonight when
I  use these hands
I will place them togeather
And pray
For my prayers will save
not just you and I
My prayers will reach further
Knock down bigger walls
Hold the hearts of all that need
When the prayer is answered
By the source which is so pure
And loving
that it can
Save our souls
Tonight I will not fall
And with these hands
I will reach out and hold
onto the heart of the world
In return I know I am safe
to love without fear
Of ever losing who I have become

God its cold tonight
I wouldnt of bothered but its easy cash
and i'm dying for a fix

'What did that bloke just say to you kate'?

'cheeky ***'

'don't get nothing for free in life mate

go back to your borin wife , what she not know how to do ya good'

'Blokes like that make me blinkin laugh'

'Well you keep laughing little one cos there in't much to

laugh at down this street for sure'

'you got any johnny's?'

'What the hell you doing coming out unprepared, here you go

don't say i don't do nothin for ya'

The girls hanging on corners
For a ***** little fix*
Food to feed their children
Their pimps pullin their tricks
All dressed up
Thinking they lookin ****
When they are  just lookin  like a couple of tarts
If only daddy could see you now it would break his blinkin heart


You can look down your noses
You can think your better by far
But who bought you the watch darling
or the spankin new car
Who payed for the holiday to florida
Or the trip with the girls to japan
what makes you better than them girls
When you really dont even love your man
Thats why he goes to them  

Cheap thrills
Circus tricks
Grubby man

**Who are the clowns
Take them down
strip them bare
their all the same
It's just the game

If only I could hold this moment
Within the eye of my dreamtime
Just so long
that it will turn into the reality
I so desire
When moments turn to look for minutes
Within the hour of your day
Will you then be free
To sail the clouds of knowing
And swim the ocean of understanding
Through which window
Do you desire
To fly
Come make no joke of freedom
It is real when only
You are free to ride the waves
And caress the storm which
Lay upon your doorstep
Ride high the ever knowing
Silence will be within
Your heart
Keep it safe
Keep it hidden
This way
You will be able to keep it forever
Within the eye of your dream time

Tomorrow
I may dream
of fields so green
Thoughts so pure
And love so real

Tomorrow I may dream
Of laughter which steals
the tears from childrens hearts

Tomorrow
I will find a new dream
But for today
And don't dare ask me why
I wish to dream of
Joan of arc

Random
surreal
Bazarre
No
She is my hero
So tonight we  
ride our horses across france in
search of a freedom seldom found
And when asked the meaning of it all
We shall tell the truth
Or burn
before the sun rises in the eyes
of children who have lost their strentgh
I will feel the faith of nations fall
And crumble
Today I will dream
Of joan of arc
Who burnt for her faith

Tomorrow I will stand tall before the world
And let them see my face
Then I shall let them see my heart
And then my soul
My strentgh becomes me

Tomorrow I will be free to dream
of fields so green
Thoughts so pure
and love so real

Cold stone
Circle
Power of the years
I stroke your surface
And try
To connect
To your history
When wondering on how you came to be
I have decided
That Giant's
Must have carried you on thier backs
There is no further explanation
I could possibly find
I have taken a little from you
Power that is
And I leave you a little behind of my own

When we look into the lives of another
We may turn over pebbles and stones
Which show the love and pain
The peace and the desire  
We see those
Though we don't understand
Who have traced their footsteps in the sand
of the beaches
With which our loved ones often wander
Aimlessly waiting
Looking for the answers to their prayers
Stones in circles giving power
Crystals placed within the hour
Some are too beautiful
And were not ment to last the mile
In which we run
Hold him
In your heart
hold him
Because I feel he was worth the burden
of painful but joyous memories
My heart is bleeding now
My tears well up within my chest
and flow freely down my face
Beautiful soul
Touched
By
Another beautiful soul
Be free
In life
As i feel he is
In another world
Not far from here ...

Sometimes you will see me walking corridors ahead
Unable to catch up
The hurrying  crowd will push by
Not understanding
Or knowing you even exist
I turn
You wave
I'm sorry
I need to feel free
To be grounded within this skin
I stretch
I moan
I long
And then I return
Back to fold in which I belong
Brother
Never worry that we are lost to each other
The ties are strong
And like blood
Poetry is our bond
The beauty
The honesty
The bravery to express who we really are
Creates forces which
Will never sleep
They ever beckon you home
To this madness
Houses change
Colours illuminate your face
And shadows are all we can see
At times things seem bleak
Then we notice that
For a while we will all congregate in the same halls
Why
Because we are interconnected by threads
Of golden silk
Heaven illuminates our souls
And once again we shine
We know the hate
We know the love
We feel the pain
The misery
We council
We pass the brick
Which builds the bridge
We knock down walls which devide each other
We will always be
Beacuse
Just because thats the way
It was always meant to be

x

If I balance on a tight rope
Will my existence be sweeter than if
I topple this way and that
I think my lesson is in trying to stay
grounded whilst still balancing
Maybe I could on occations
topple off and sit awhile enjoying
What lies just past my veiw of thinking
And then maybe you would be so kind
To take my hand whilst I steady myself
Ready for the next topple this way or that

Would you hold me
Gently
Pull my clothes from my body
Roughly
Would you love me
Passionately
Would you take my face
and smash it against the wall
Then would you hold me
Gently
would you love me
It's quite sad how people work in cycles
loving hating forgiving loving hating forgiving

You laid the room
Just the way
I would of laid it myself
you held on tight
No one heard the sound of you leaving
Until it was too late
Whispers told of a life cut short
But no one really knew the truth
Blood runs deep in hearts full of pain
Glass is so transparent
A bit like men with no reson to lie
But still they do
The drugs take over in the end
Or is it mindless delusion
Whatever it was
Whatever the reason
Its so silent now your not
around  
Can you hear this pin drop
shh
Listen carefully
To the beating of our hearts
You may find the reason
Why you should of screamed for help

Everything was fine
Until
You told me you
Didn't believe in forever
Now I didn't need
you to believe
that we were forever
It's just
I thought you were
Special
And you are
But I could never
Love you till eternity
Meet you on the other side
Get lost in thinking your
My soulmate
Because
When the curtain falls on your days
You will be nothing
But dust
And me
I will be wandering the never never
Still searching
But thats ok
Because on the other side all hearts
Dance to the tune of love
And all are one
With the hand of life

What is a territory
That can be owned
But a place where man
Has placed boundaries around the land
And announced that he own it
The land is the heart
And no one can own  
Send your spirit flying
Above the boundaries
That man creates and you will see
There are no territories
that do not belong to life itself
And as you are a beat
In the rythmn of the heart
Of life
You are forever connected
To that territory
That you feel lies broken at your feet
It is not broken
But reflecting also on mans desire .....

Hearts are bleeding
Tears are falling
  
Collect your coat
Wave goodbye to your friends
The soul of a poet
Has reached a new place

A beautiful freedom is felt
And he is now
All that he should be
All is good in his world
All is as
One day we all shall see


Words floating in the willdness
I will search by yonder tree
Im sure I heard him singing
To all the poets
He sing's that he is free
I journey down to the river
where the child still weaves his rythm's
And he will be sitting peacefully
As only he now has the time


all we need to do is listen
all we need to do is believe
all we need to do is notice
the sound of the river
the touch of the wind
The warmth of the sun
cradle this thought within
and he will surely live forever young
Withing the weave of a poet's dream

I see love*

Where  love can not be found

I find sadness

where no one hears a sound

I see

The silent scream

within that young girls womb

I hear

The heart that broke all too soon

I feel

The child

Who is left out in the cold

Fathers a drunk

Mother

well she is nothing but a fool

I feel the hunger

I cant stand the pain

How all of humanity

leaves each other out in the rain*

I am the eye

I am the truth behind your smile

I am the rythmn

I am the soul of man

I will be the one that wipes away the  tears

**I will be here through out the years

To cushion the effects
that life has thrown in your face
To collect in cupboards the memory
of your faceless expression
To televise the news you sent to me
so freely leaving out the best bits
So i could create a world of my own
And the table is laiden with
All the good things money could never buy
Step lightly on the carpet of roses that
I have place for your tender feet to step
oh my there is so much freedom in your smile
I sigh long and hard
not knowing which way you have turned
or which tunnel you are hidding in

Are you trying to make me love you?
Are you hiding behind words
When what i want is
your breath upon my skin

Are you trying to woo me
With talk so sweet and intentions so real
The ice queens heart is beating faster
and melting with every word that leaves your mouth

You have such a beautiful mouth
I can imagine kissing all my troubles away
Moments of bliss
oh for a touch of those lips upon mine

The thing is
i know i can have you
Will i let you hold me a little longer next time
Will a kiss goodbye become sweeter
With moments we share becoming
Something to treasure

Are you trying to make me love you?
Because i feel kind of dizzy
When i see you or even just hear you
it makes me smile.
I want to feel your breath upon my skin and
the touch of your lips upon mine lips .

I may be falling ......

My mind is tired
My eyes hurt from
The continual throbbing lights
That shine through them
Not towards them
So many moments lost to
Misunderstanding
The peolpe
Who really matter
Too many hardships
Because of lack of money
And resources
I have stood humbled
When looking into the eyes of the dying man
I have stood torn
As they laid the child
Taken from my womb
Into the ground so cold
And yet
And yet
I still don't seem to understand
The workings of my soul
Mutter not
If you do not weep
When in love with the rose
Which has thorns
And kills you on the  inside
I love the air I breathe
I love the hearts that are touched by mine
But when they turn and try to love me back
Shamefully I turn
And look for comfort
In  barren lands
Holding my head in my hands
I prey there be another day
Far from now
where I may wash away my sins
I know not what they are
But they must be great
For life to mock me so

Some day I will look upon the beauty
of myself and know that
what I have become is all I need to be

I feel more than I say
And I say so much it's like my cup is full
To breaking point
I say all the things Ive never dared to say before
And we connect in such a natural
Soulmates kinda way
It's strange and refreshing and scarey all at one time
It's so refreshing to feel free with the love you give
There's so much more to say
And so much more time
In which we have to say all that we need to survive
This year the ice will melt
The heart will be allowed to glow
And I will just believe that for now
I am truely loved ...

She watches from the doorway
Remembering every moment
If you could look through her eyes
You could feel the love
That radiates through the dust and the grim
Only she knew the deeper meaning
held within the frame
Only she felt the abcense of a man in her life
They just noticed the lack of aftershave and clothes
She smiles as she turns to leave
Always a magpie
Collecting things to keep her heart warm
Now she would throw them to the wind
Knowing now the truth of life and death
And the beauty that lay before her

I work
from the inside out
Thats how I find my truth
Its the reason why Im trusted
Its the reason
Why I am
Who I am
I would try to conform
But I would be pulling against my own tide
For this reason
I work
From the inside out

Once I thought we were friends
You know the kind
Who would watch each others backs
Offer a few kind words through the darkness
A cosmic hand to hold
when the family I had created around me
couldn't understand
or even hear my screams for help
Not that you heard me screaming for help
You didn't need to
You just had to be there
Needing
I think it strange how friendship can mean so little
How do we fall away
How in fact do we crawl through the misunderstanding
There is much I don't understand I guess
So I leave you measages
Which you never answer
I think of you
Hidding in corners
Watching from spaces
Looking within moments
The surreal
Is the fact that I know very soon your come out
From your hidding place
You who are your own prisoner
I will count to five now
And then I will expext to hear your voice
Will I hear it I wonder

In my darkness
There are no cracks
No rays of light
Trying to peek through
Only helpless moments
A shadow of the one I knew before
Looking back
I know I lost myself
long before I even noticed
The look on your face
When meeting by chance
Says a million nothings
To a man that has forgotten how to care  
Hither onwards this lowly soul will wander
**** you for not telling me before
**** them all
How was I to know I was cursed
Sometimes it is wise to tell
Your friends the truth you see
Behind those lost grey eyes
For if by not revealing the truth
You loose a friend to the darkness
What was your silence for
But to save your own back
Be wise next time
Now leave me be
For the beast
Is hungry
And you look like a
Satisfying snack my dear

Let me sprinkle fairy dust
upon the thoughts you keep*
iside your head*
Let me hold the magic

Bells wake me
from a dream so real

Let me roll marzipan between my fingers
And cherish the special moments we share

Remember when we thouught
The world was beautiful
When tears were only for happiness
When was that I wonder?
I know not how to capture
This feeling  
I would bottle it
And keep it forever

Hold my hand
I wish to share
With all of creation

Be not scared

I am here to empower you
Not distroy all you have
Your pain is yours
Keep it
But wrap it in love and move freely

Within the darkness
A light has been offered

Will you distroy
The friend you created
You asked and it was given
You recieve and distroy

Fairy dust finds it hard to create
When you don't believe in me
I will sit awhile over looking
The time you spend wishing

Then you will once again pack me away
In the box next to the tree
Will you see me again next year?
Will you wish the same wish
The magic is there
Feel free to banish me

**Feel free to sprinkle fairy dust on all that you see