Trace my soul with your lips
Brush my cheek with your eyelashes
Whisper love in my ear as we fall into trance
This is our modern romance
4 am daemons inhibit us
They prohibit us from lying
We are tying iron naughts
Our minds and thoughts wander into distraught
And yet we are calm
So dead set on dreaming through the darkest hour
And so we do
Both quietly sighing words resembling *I love you

A room full of people
Yet I feel so alone
As I drift in and out the twilight Zone
I go further into the depth of my conscious
Until I feel completely disassociated
Unconscious
The same feeling creeps in
Filling up to the brim
My heart and my mind
A black mass
Until finally an exasperated gasp
Trying to breath fresh air
Translucent
To clean my soul
With something close to pure
But nothing
No thing to hold on to
Me a pawn of my own existence
With persistence to break out from under a mental two ton boulder
Rolling down my shoulders
And I feel the weight of the world
Imploding into the ever growing darkness
Yet here I stand
In a room full of people
Silently screaming

we knew it all
but when it all turned to ash
we were left empty
A blank page
we knew  nothing at all

Body of water
Light pink hue
Who would've thought
That at a time like this
I'd be missing you
Crown of silver
Heart of gold
All the stories you told
Disappear
Warmth of hands
Has now gone cold
What's the matter
Where's your soul

Your eyes
So deadly in the night
Rip the seems of my mouth apart
Oh and sugary kisses have long since turned bitter
Papery touches never leave traces
But words are echoed deep in my skin
Can't you hear
The echoes of our love songs
Spinning round and round
Thinking we could've turned it all around
Your laugh
I can still hear in my dreams
Tensing my muscles
There is no right way to find a distraction
What a cursed fatal attraction
Papery touches never leave traces
But words are echoed deep in my skin
Can't you hear
The echoes of our love songs
Spinning round and round
Thinking we could've turned it all around
When I'm ready I'll say it
God I beg you don't make it think it
Overturned and done
But I can still see through the page
The traces of our bygone age
Light touches deep cuts
Sweet kisses numb hugs
No easy way to find a distraction
What an unfortunate fatal attraction
Papery touches never leave traces
But words are echoed deep in my skin
Can't you hear
The echoes of our love songs
Spinning round and round
Thinking we could've turned it all around
Round and round
Round and round
Round turn it all around

I once knew a positive boy
Sometimes my thoughts are haunted by him
I wonder if he ever considered me a friend
Although I sometimes tend to pretend that we were close
I always feel guilty afterwards
It seems silly that I indulge in these thoughts since I don't have a right
I wasn't there every step of the fight
Just bits and pieces and not even that
But what I can say is that he was a good boy and that I was lucky enough to meet someone like him
One of the best that I've known
Let my voice sound like a drone but it won't take away my message
I'm not glorifying him just stating the truth
Because when youth comes to an end and we seize to pretend that we will live forever it is when we feel like we are leaving those who arnt with us behind.
But we never actually do.
I know a girl who is very kind
She cried when his physical presence seized to exist
Nobody would insist that she talk about her feelings
And that was okay
She would smile and say it's all for the best
But I had to confess that I was broken hearted
But the boy who departed was her best friend
She didn't pretend that she was fine but she knew somewhere down the line she would be.
I once loved a boy
Who I've never seen cry up until the best friend dial was denied
A dead line with nothing but hope on the other end
If you didn't know that news traveled fast
The news traveled as if it was running from the truth
Because when youth comes to an end and we seize to pretend that we will live forever it is when we feel like we are leaving those who arnt with us behind.
But we never actually do.
He was a friend
Everyone's friend
His hers mine class of 2013 friend
And he won't ever be forgotten
He will always come back whether it's a red hot chili peppers song
Or just a warm august breeze gushing in
We all remember
Because when youth comes to an end and we seize to pretend that we will live forever it is when we feel like we are leaving those who arnt with us behind.

But we never actually do.

How fickle the heart
How fleeting the soul
The darkness within will always take hold
Begone I cried out
My daemons all snickered
In the glummest hour the candle light flickered
What trickery is this
These scars on my hands
I feel so heavy
I'm bound to this land
Round in circles my memories go
As the candle flickers so do my woes.

What is our generation but a burning out cigarette
Half lit in the dark
our only lighter is the fainting spark in our hearts
Parts of our body degrading
Yet some how, something is preventing us from fading away
No matter how many times I plead
The notion of love wouldnt stay
A pastor from a foreign religion told me to pray
I couldn't say that the holiness has long left me
The sweet sensations of sin now caress me
I travelled through the twisted land of my own cravings
seeing painting of others
Brothers who died fighting, Mothers who tried to raise their kids
and here I am staring straight into the abyss of my own mind
trying to find some sort of bliss that will bring peace
Yet I have no shrine to kneel down to
No prophet to follow
I feel hollow, As I light my cigarette
With the fading spark of hope in my heart.

On the pier

Somewhere between wishful thinking

And utter despair

I can still remember

your resentful stare.

The sadness that consumes us.

All the tears that we cried.

The times when you held my hand

And said the stars will never die.

We spoke about religion

We fought about the truth

Our shattered hearts now

Serve to us as proof



That good things always,

They always come to an end .



No matter how many years go by

If I really try

I can still remember

Our goodbye

We can no longer deny

But maybe we can close our eyes

And lie

That maybe good things don’t always,

They always come to an end.

I will never regret holding your hand
How can I regret something I once wanted so bad
And if you think the broken memories and promises are collateral damage then you are wrong
I never asked you for love poems or songs
All I wanted was to hold your hand and when I did it felt like thousands of tiny sun splashes were dancing in my eyes my lips and oh my god my thighs
I will never regret because regret in this case is weak
It would defy and soil the what seemed like a bright future
Yes I do not regret but that does not mean the fights were something I looked forward to
The Godzilla like monster I turned into every time you would crawl under my skin because you knew oh you knew
You knew that I liked tea with milk and if you step on my foot I will have to step on yours
You knew too much and yet nothing at all because that’s what it was supposed to be
We would go on yelling sprees over specks of dust
But in everything we did there was a lingering presence of lust and with that always an element of mistrust
It would gnaw on my nerves and rip out cords of my patience
The necessity to repeat, repeat, repeat the conversations made them looooong and tedious
And somehow we didn’t notice how it became so serious
And when we became ignorant we started to fade
Slowly but surly we obeyed the laws of disappearing
One missed call, two unread text messages, three kisses from a stranger
And just like that you disappear.

I see the fainting glow of love
That goes with your last breath
It lingers in the crisp air
Your eyes once constellations in the midnight sky are now filled with despair
A cruel joke that life played on you
You who was so full of life
Dying just to spite the world
You always said you'll never go
Without the jacked up sensations of dopamine with hints of pheromones merged into your explosive mind
No sound but the pearl white teeth grinding against each other to dust
All humans are made of rust with slight hints of mistrust jealousy and love.
A shadow of the man I once knew is now before me
You will haunt me for not saving you
But this is the lesson learnt by broken lovers.
That often our endeavors of lust don't and up well
But rather enchants you in to an evil like spell where you are mesmerized by some stranger
All senses of danger are suspended
And in a rant of madness you say
Forgive me
The red thread is cut and we depart into our own worlds filled with the remains of each other.
Whilst you say your peace I'll say mine.
I forgive you but most importantly I forgive myself.
And with a feverish smile you say good. Thus your last breath is drawn.

I have destroyed a beautiful soul
in  the midst of the fog
I reached out
with my tainted hands
and touched its purity
consumed by my own selfishness
I pulled it down with me
my demons became his demons
only now
when the seal was broken
and I clearly see
my fault and sin
burning in the perpetual loop of my memories
It had to be done
For you would never have known
and now you do
for the pain and realisation
forgive me
forgive me
forgive me

You were the prospect of tomorrow.
Now you're a shadow of the past.

He asked me when will you come down to earth
But I have been chasing constellations from the day I was born
Torn between the world I'm on and the world I could be
Forever drawn to one sensation
One lust, to explore
He never understood that I needed to roam the great halls of history
Not the halls of a college so foreign to me that I could never call it home
Slow breath in
And his words of trust and love melt away
Slow breath out
He apologizes as he leaves the front door and melts away from my memory
I guess he never wanted to pack up and go
Like he said way before
The reality of the world hit us
But I haven't changed
And I will run and roam as I had before
Although the words of my lover hurt me
They didn't stop me
For I have been chasing constellations
Since I was a little girl
Over the hills and past the horizon
Up and up, until I'm no longer on earth
But around the time I reach the stratosphere
You're image and words will appear in my mind
And that is when I'll know that I'm leaving you behind
To chase after what I lust
Our love compelled to nothing but dust
And so the adventure begins

I thought the world would stand still when we kissed.
I thought id hear whispers of love in my ear
All I could here was an echo of my own subconscious
Telling myself to hold on to my wits
Because of love and rust and all that goes
your heart was never mine
and everyone know
The truth of bitterness and regret
Ill never forget your smile, your eyes facing the direction
that wasnt mine
At least you knew and so did I
That this was an illusion and a lie
of sweetness and with a taste of sighs
We depart with our goodbye
A clean break.

Whats the good in the woebegone notion of hope
Somewhere on a dim lit pedestal
Etched into the stone
A lonesome poem about a forgotten home
Maybe one day you'll atone for sins
That you so easily swept under the rug
Visions of an ugly mug, appear and vanish
Passion soon dissolves, like sea foam
Leaving a haunting feeling, a tragic poem
Yet when I close my eyes I just want home
Take me home, Take me home
I am alone.

one, we bow our heads in a synchronised fashion
two, we circle each other, two swans in a lake
three, a hint of blush is seen on my cheek as you approach
four, arms stretched out
five, hesitation
six,  my arm meets yours
off we go in a whirlwind of music and footsteps
circle one, circle two, step step, circle, step
sweeping the floors with the ball gowns and frocks
breathing steady and you a little heavy
we feel the eyes of greedy onlookers watching
so much sound and yet barely noticeable
I wish for this to never end I wish for this to be forever what it was and what it is and what ill be I want stability I don't want falseness I want to recognise myself in the mirror when I wake up I want to feel the touch of love not the scorching agony of lust and most of all I want to be happy, just simply happy no strings attached. Stupid happy.
one, we bow our heads
two, we look away
three, I wonder if you understood the longing in my eyes.
four, a new hand approaches.

I heard the steps in reverse
From the corridor to the door
And I can recall every chore
They bubbled up in my mind
As my heart tore in two.
What a shrew
What a tale
My soul feels stale
Something that not even the stench of ale can drown
A strange man would say
Why the frown
It’s not the same
Can someone tame this wild heart
But it’s too late, we are apart
Constellations and seas
A ticking time bomb about to implode
Tick- my heart cracks in two
Tock- my souls oozes out
Unable to shout
BUT I LOVED YOU
Who’s left in this wreckage
Can anyone save me
Can anyone see me
Underneath the rubble
A lonely soul will stumble
And maybe just maybe then they will recall
The lonely tale of ivy
Poisoned by the dangerous drink of love.

Alas again the world came crashing down
This time to the echoes of silence
on the other side of the phone
alone, in the dark, what a tragic sight
Despite what they all said you persisted
Insisted that "he's different, he has changed"
Darling, they replied with a smirk,
"Don't you know they are all the same?"

I guess from all the words we could've said, we chose the ones that we'd never forget; you were worth it.

The moon lights a path
And just as the wrath of the sea
Is calmed by the eclipse
So do your lips, calm the storm within me
I'm no longer able to see hate
For it would berate the rose tinted world in front of me
Cast between the sunset and sunrise
I devise plans of how this feeling could last forever
Every touch is a love letter
Every kiss I will always remember
And in December when the dead earth cracks
I will be safe in your embrace
No trace of scars left behind by past ghosts
No room in my heart for the old hosts
Your eyes flicker with fire
Reflecting age old desires but not for lust
Rather for the notions of trust
When all else is reduced to dust
I know that I will have you by my side
To welcome the incoming tide
And just as the wrath of the sea
Is calmed by the eclipse
So do your lips, calm the storm within me.

Forgive me my sins

Little bird

For i have loved and disobeyed

The long wind howls

As the old man scowls

At the tear stained land

The ancient sand will overtake this world

And I now have it in my hold

For this is what  the beggar foretold

I have been caught in my deeds

And the seeds of hate and angst  spreads

Your life is now hanging on the frailest of threads

So forgive me my sins

Little bird

Have you ever heard of an ending so sweet

With love by your side as you become obsolete .

Rose petals wither as people go by
Try not to ask questions of why
For those forgotten
For those that destroyed
The same fate was eventually employed
A memory sour turned people around
A deadly plan came crashing down
For the people, the country, the mothers and wives
The men and the children all brought their knives
Rose petals wither as people go by
Silent tears drop where the marble now lies

The stars always glisten
When the moon sings
The lonely song
That tugs on heart strings
Of wolves ever so faintly
A subtle tribute
The howl at night
And the sun weeps
For the moon has seen the sadness
In those who mask it under the light
Of the Suns rays
And in the midnight haze
When your mind is clouded
From the toughest of days
You can sometimes hear the song
The moon sings to you
We call it blues.

Your eyes are tired
your hair is grey
mother forgive me
for the times I’ve strayed

The moon is cold
but my heart is colder
was ****** and jealous
as I got older

So mother dear, won’t you forgive me
for all the time I came near to death
there are some things I still regret
from the day I packed my things and left

Your poor old heart
is all strung out
sining tales of days bygone
you told me Son don’t be your daddy
he was never here

Dear old mother
hear my cry
remember the days
you said you’d never die


So mother dear, won’t you forgive me
for all the time I came near to death
there are some things I still regret
from the day I packed my things and left

Your eyes were tired
your hair was grey
my heart is broken
you said you stay.

I have one addiction
And it comes and goes
But when if comes it stays
Like a creepy relative that just showed up at a family reunion and just won't leave until he is deceived into departing
My addiction is sadness
Sadness is addictive and it knows no bounds, it spills out like a sea of grey over your body slowly drowning you from within
And we all know the hymn of sadness
The tears burn tracks down cheeks and all you see is darkness
Engulfed in perpetual night you try to fight but a stone is placed on your chest and you forget to breath
Gasping for air
You struggle with cries of despair
The only soundtrack a sigh
And whilst bowie was wondering if there was life on Mars
I was buried ten feet under the earths core
Hoping for some cure.
There is no off switch
Just a mood switch
From grey to black and darker again
Comsumed by a black hole finding a new dimension a deeper way to isolate yourself some more
At least that's what I got from interstellar
Except there is no wormhole
There's just pure realization
No way to cheat yourself out of being sad
You keep going
But it's always the hard way
They said I should write
And so I did
They asked blue or red pill
One will make the world stand still
The other will speed it up
I told them I don't mean to be abrupt bit id rather still be true within my head than be floating with Angeles
Because all I'll get is numbness
And all that brings is nothingness
And if you know anything about nothingness
Then you know that it's hollow
And that path that your mother told you to follow
Has been long scorched from your memory
Because as the emptiness sinks in
Your essence withers
And evaporates
But I'm not afraid
Because at the end of that tunnel
Is a reminder to breath
And I'll remember my first breath as if it was my last.
I'm okay.

My eyes were closed when you left, so suddenly that the pain settled in as the shards of my heart nestled into my throat. Did you notice the difference in our smiles smothered by pretense and bitterness. Opting out was the decision only one can make leaving the other hanging oh the scars that bloomed on my body was not for you but a sobering reminder of me. You who never was at all created a universe that managed to implode within me. The us that never was left traces in my soul that don't fade. You could have been the one that changed it all and yet all you were just another faceless man. Someone I dreamt about walking in the sand finding foreign lands and yet you are not that one. You are no one. I closed my eyes when you left. That way your steps were untraceable. When I opened my eyes you had dissolved into thin air and thus became nothing.

My words sweet as honey
Will leave a bitter taste in your mouth .
Revenge isn't best served cold- it should be sweet with a hint of poison.

In the end those who you think will save you end up destroying you.

We live for one moment
And I would give up that moment for you
My brother, have I forsaken you
Have I deserved the terror of your neglect
Do I have no affect on you

Perhaps I am too weak to see hatred
For what I seek is love
A penetrating feeling of searing pain
Where only those involved have something to gain

And yet here I lie
As a broken kite, undignified
Unsatisfied by petty answers
I look up and see chaos
In your eyes laced with pathos I see regret

But the sky is blue
And my tears are clear, untainted
I am pure, though my skin has been scorched
By an  ugly torch called jealousy

Your childhood sins have been pardoned
I have seen the void in your eyes as a void remains in my soul
Together we are a whole
You are forgiven, breath easy

For as long as the moon guides us at night
shielding us from terrible fright, and
The sun sheds its light, you know that
For you a thousand times over.

I woke up in the middle of the night screaming your name
But you were gone
I was to blame
My daemons were stronger than yours
The longer you held your ground
The more deafening was the crackling sound
Of your broken heart
No matter how many times Id start to say I´m sorry
I knew it was best when you closed our front door
As I crashed to the floor
My daemons screamed with delight
Oh what an incredible fright
Now every time at 5 am
I wake up screaming your name
and I am to blame

I wish I was still here
But I am but a shadow of the past
Last one served last one loved

Eventually star crossed lovers
Fade into the night sky
And bodies like strangers
Drone on in life
Those in  the corners sigh with love on their breath
Promiscuous feelings awaiting their death
The smoke hits up the laser beams
Smiles ripping at the seems
For those who bite their lips crave lust and not love
And dance until morning
In rooms filled with dust
Whirlwinds of fire emotion and past
Define our futures
Forgive and forget
You'll soon come to know
Love and lust are both friend and foe.

How can I not be good enough
If I am what you made me
I am but a shadow of the person I was
That's because you morphed me into a monster
Frankenstein I am your creation
Thought to be the subject of your adoration
And yet I see no salvation no satisfaction in your eyes
They are filled to the brim with lies and deceit
As I rise to my feet
Curious glances surround me but none is yours
Weren't you meant to lead me ? Guide me into the depth of your heart
Instead you turn around to depart
In the arms of another
As I stand unable to walk, unable to talk
A torturous smile across my face
Ripping the seams of my mouth,
I can feel the thread loosening
Slowly crumbling to match my shattered soul
You said if we joined I would be whole
And yet you left, night crept in silently after
And the world around me turned dark
For years I stumbled in the direction of your ever fading heart beat
As my body started to become obsolete
I waved goodbye to your cowardly face
And departed into the abyss
Happy in the midst of those who love me for my soul.
And think that I am already whole.

On a journey down to nowhere
I have realized many things.
Dwelling on the subject; friendship
And what once a stranger said to me
“You’re not a no-man
Neither am I”
He continued with a sigh.
The stranger gazed high above the tree tops
We heard the sirens of the cops
As little raindrops gently landed on our faces.
There were no traces of violence just serenity.
“You can feel and so can I
We could perish in a blink of an eye.
We can withstand the strongest storm
Yet we are torn from a cunning plan.
We are strong when we’re united yet
How weak we are alone.
Then why do we insist to consist in groups
Exclusion is not the solution to our society
The variety of us is overwhelming
Compelling us to accept
So why do we resist?”
He preached
Continued to persist for his message was vital.
Accept and you will be accepted, you will be loved, free.
On a journey down to nowhere
I have realized…
Unity is vital.

the drained eyes stare on
subtle and sad
whispers
arn't you glad to be alive
the dive into oblivion
has been postponed
save the date
for out fates are fixed
yet our hearts run wild
into the sunset and back again
with stories to tell
and songs to sing
about the king who wept
and the queen that left
the ****** prince that never left his castle
we are all stuck up in the tower
our souls slowly turning sour
from the pain of our own regrets
old men make bets
as we power on
yet her eyes
are drained
subtle and sad

As the sun sets beyond
The stars begin to bloom in the night sky
The final emotions of sadness begin to die
It would be a lie to say
That the memory of you fades
It will always remain
In the crevices of my heart
But I am not Moses
I cannot make the seas part
To show you the love I have for you
And in the constant struggle of staying true
To the universes tube
I dance
Not a fleeting romance
But an intoxicating trance
Waking up is painful but necessary
And the straining words of our last goodbyes
Will be the finally echoes of our past
I have cast my final tears
And in the final cheers of the new year
I will face my fear
And know that tonight with the last chime of the clock
I have loved you for the last time

Come lull me back to sleep
Darling your actions are cheap
In the agonizing moment
Where past and future collide
I swear I could see a light behind those dead eyes
Revealing your ever-present disguise
You forfeit with a knife in your hand
I recoil unable to stand
What promise of love, time couldn't demand
Always leaving, hoping for more
Oh we've been here before
I can show you constellation of scars left by traces of your razor sharp words
Unheard, discarded
So the world carries on
Your thoughts plague my mind
No clue as to who's leaving who behind
Oh my darling this is an everyday grind
How I wish to find the way
To my dismay I just feel betrayed
Convinced I should've never stayed
Pills soften the days
In a flurried haze voices reach out to me
Saying: "baby worse things happen at sea."

Love seemed to escape my embrace
Without a trace, your once hot touch
Left an icy path along my body
A haunting feeling
Of a fate we couldnt escape.
Why did you have to berate a bright future
The unfortunate truth that it is too late
To salvage this ship that's been crashing
Bashing against the hard as rock realizations
Just like a ragged doll, I am void of any sensations
They oozed out of me through the wound you left behind
I gasp for air
You look away
You are now encased in a steel exterior.
How do I always feel so inferior to you,
A perfect specimen for all,
Impenetrable and Isolated
Standing proud and tall,
What once meant something
Will now mean nothing.
A ******* shame
My dearest, this time you'll take the blame
The irony of it all was that for you
I never intended this
For you,
I was determined to never write an ode of sadness
But as it seems, even you o perfect one
turned out to be not so perfect after all.

He bared his teeth
He showed a scowl
Turned to the moon
Let out a painful howl
He is the son
The son they never honoured
Left alone not to be bothered

I saw his scowl in the shadow
I heard his howls in the wind
Straining for air
He let out a gasp
I knew he was always there

He is the shadow in the darkness
He is the glimmer in the moon
He will destroy you
When he finds you
So you better run
You better run
Run soon

I was the cold one
To begin with
I was the one
Who you couldn't touch
Darling I pray
Forgiveness is key
But there is no time he's coming for me

He is the shadow in the darkness
He is in the glimmer of the moon
He will destroy you
When he finds you
So you better run
You better run
Run soon

I can't run I can't run
Time to face him
Run I can't run I can run
Forever chasing
I can't run I can't run I can't

Sleepless nights
Somebody turn around
Starts a fight
He wonders if his demons
would shed some light on who he is supposed to be
An incognito face filled to the brim
with a mixture of shame and disgrace
No white silky lace to tie his
memories together
You will only find darkness here
"Enter if you dare" they said
And so she stepped in.
*An untainted soul into the mind of a savage.

When I was a child
I fell in love with the sea
It was my home I felt like destiny had tied a thousand of monkey fist knots to my soul and no mater how far I’ll go it’ll always bring me back.
When I was a teenager I saw the sea in your eyes
The light breeze in your breath
The freshness in your skin
Your yell was like a wave crashing into the shore
The more I spent time with you the more I felt at home and somehow home sick
Yet through the fearsome storms I held on to you
But one day you were gone, fizzled out like the foam in the sea
I couldn’t breath for a while after that
A drowning soul in the comforting sea
The irony of that was overwhelming
Was I punished for temporarily pretending that you were my home
Was it too fake?
Sometimes I wonder if it was destiny telling me that I belong with the sea
And no boy who’s eyes mirror it’s reflection can substitute it for me.

The silence seeps through the cracks of my house
I tiptoe around it, silence resembling that of a mouse
Through the rubble that was left in the wake of my mind
I wonder what are the memories that I’ll leave behind
Thoughts crash against hard realisations
The body, like scorched earth is devoid of sensation
Pushing through hellish temptations
I swear I could feel the beginning of a new vibration
Suddenly I can see light flooding through the cracks
Scars on my skins, provide a map of painful tracks
But the feeling of loneliness has loosened its grip
The new balance of the world begins to tip
The vail between the past and present has now been shut
A mind, once innocent now has turned corrupt
Yet through the misery, darkness and dismay
A lingering feeling of home still remains
The sunsets between us are never that far
Just wish upon, as old tales go, on the evening star
This world will depart but we will build one a new
For the people, for me, for him and for you

I raise a glass to all the boys that broke my heart
To all their words that tore me apart
To all the ones I knew were wrong from the very start
But I still believed we could work it out
If only..if only we took a different route
If I had said this and not that
If only you were a swan and not a rat.
If only If only,
But it wasn't like that
Wish I knew the remedy to you
I wish I could create a time booth
Then I would say run run away
Go before they, stray you, heart
I was the one to change your heart
If only you didn't break that fragile thing apart
I raise my glass, for you, my dearest ones

I wonder if you told her she looks beautiful tonight
I wonder if she revoked your truth
and you ended up in a fight
I wonder how strong your feelings are
And how weak is her heart
I wonder if she ever thinks of him at night
I wonder if her eyes shut tight
From the guilt of remembering his name
I wonder who is too blame in this insane game of trial and error
I wonder if she clutches your hand when she is scared at night
I wonder if you're willing to fight for her instead of allowing her to fade away
I wonder if you remeber the man you used to be
Can you see glimpses of me ?
I wonder if you had decided to stay
What may have been?
Or do you lie awake next to her to hear your heartbeats sync
During the night and all through the day I wonder
if l will ever be okay

I see a glimpse of hope
In those who unapologetically scream
I don't give a ****
I'm
Stuck between the nagging thought of self realization
And the sensations of guilt and freedom
Just as Rome wasn't built in a day
It'll take me a some time to take away the person that I really am
Yet I persevere to ram my head against the wall of perpetual instability
Held back by the humility of my elders
I carry on
Just as those before me and those long after I'm gone
I like millions of other will stay strong against the perpetual void
I am but a contextual being of my surroundings
Howling at the every day grind
Dreaming of the day I will leave it all behind
And be free
Free like the wind in children's stories
Constantly fighting against being perceived and counted as one of these bodies
An individual
A life
Full of strife and longing
Belonging to no one but myself
And maybe fairytales belong on a dusty old shelf
But as long as I breathe I will always believe and never forsake myself

Don't hold me to what I say at 3 am I'm just trying to find a kindred soul.

I'll be alright
If only for tonight
I can forget your lips, your eyes
Never in my life did I think
That you could sink my heart 4 times
I can say I truly tried
I guess the love you spoke of so sweetly
had limitations
When the expiration date came
You were so cold, so tame
My only regret is that I didn't see
The monster that lay beneath

-05:00 am-
Come lull me back to sleep
Darling your actions are cheap
In the agonizing moment
Where past and future collide
I swear I could see a light behind those dead eyes
Revealing your ever present disguise
You forfeit with a knife in your hand
I recoil unable to stand
What promise of love, time couldn't demand
Always leaving, hoping for more
Oh we've been here before
I can show you constellation of scars left by traces of your razor sharp words
Unheard, discarded
So the world carries on
Your thoughts plague my mind
No clue as to who's leaving who behind
Oh my darling this is an everyday grind
How I wish to find the way
To my dismay I just feel betrayed
Convinced I should've never stayed
Pills soften the days
In a flurried haze voices reach out to me
Saying: "baby worse things happen at sea."

3 am came and went, and despite my greatest hopes I had remained the same, unchanged.