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Mar 2019 · 11.4k
Isang tula para sa pusong
Walang ginawa kung hindi lumaban
Ni hindi alam kung anong pupuntahan –
Naliligaw, nagwawari
Nagdedepende sa mga salitang “hindi maaari”

Hindi maaaring sumuko
Hindi maaaring malumpo
Hindi maaaring tumakbo palayo
Sa mundong umuubos sayo

Natatakot sumugal muli
Natatakot mahulog sa patibong ng pag-ibig
Dahil minsan nang nasaktan
Minsan nang inabuso

Pumapalagay na lamang sa mga panandaliang aliw
Nagpapanggap na siya’y mabubuo ulit
Kahit saglit..
Kahit saglit..

Isa lang ang gusto kong sabihin sa’yo –
sa pusong hindi alam kung saan patungo
Huwag **** parusahan ang sarili mo
Dahil balang araw ikaw ang aani nito

Hinuhubog ka ng panahon
Sa pagdating ng tadhanang
Nakalaan sa iyong pag-ahon

Huwag kang matakot sumugal
Dahil doon mo malalaman kung
Ano ang para sa iyo, mahal.
#tagalog #filipino
Jan 2017 · 12.4k
Nagsimula ang lahat sa kanta
Sa kanta na nagsilbing tulay sa'ting dalawa
Na parang tubig at langis-
Sa wakas nagsama

'Di inakala na magkakaganito
Dahil wala naman talagang pagtingin sayo
Ni hindi nakitang magiging magkaibigan
Hanggang nagkaroon ng tiyansang baka pwede ng walang hanggan

Walang hanggan na paguusap
Walang hanggang pagtatawanan
Walang hanggang pagiintindi ng mga
Tingin na hindi alam kung ano ang sinasabi

Pero tila takot parin
Ang pusong napagod sa mga sakit
Na idinulot ng mundong mapait
Takot makaramdam, tumibok

Sumubok ng bagay na hindi sigurado kung saan patungo
Na baka isa na namang patibong
Na kukulong sa isip kong lunod na lunod na
Sa mga kathang isip at imahinasyon

Kaya hanggang dito na lang muna siguro
Pipigilan ang mga ilusyon at delusyon
Na sisimilan na namang gawin ng puso
Para kahit hindi matupad ang salitang "tayo"
Mananatili parin akong buo kahit papaano
Dec 2016 · 275
Let me take care of you
Let me be the one to comfort you
The one who sees your worth
Who will not take your every word

But will love you even without it
Even without your promises
Even without you trying to
Grant my wishes

Because you are all that I asked for
You are more than enough for me
Your soul captured the darkness inside
That wants to stay forever until it sees
Your light

But I think these things will just stay in my head
There's no courage to let them out from my chest
Let me just help you with what you need
Then I'll be gone soon, indeed

I know myself; I'm unstable
Unable -- unable to unlove you
Unable to let you go
Unable to move on from the memories
That swam deep inside

So now I'll let this poem speak
Don't know how to tell you what I feel
I'll be stuck here with my fantasies
Cannot even face what is real
This poem is actually not finished yet.
Jun 2016 · 1.1k
You Deserve Better
I wanna see you everyday,
I wanna talk to you every minute.

I wanna tell you my thoughts - happy or sad it may be.
I wanna rest myself in your arms -- so peaceful as it sounds..

But I realized...

Who am I to be loved back by someone like you?
you deserve better than me..

You deserve someone strong,
Someone who cam fight her own thoughts,
Someone who will not burden you because of her sudden anxiety attacks..

Someone who can sing with you,
Who can achieve your goals with you,
Who can support you all the way through..

And I'm not that girl..

So now, even if there's nothing to hold on in the first place...

*let me "let you go"....
you will always be special, 9114.
May 2016 · 1.4k
I know I don't have the right to be jealous

You're not even mine...
May 2016 · 333
I Realized
We are the ones who ruin ourselves
May 2016 · 359
How will you know that i love you....

When you don't even wanna listen...
May 2016 · 767
Here We Go Again
"Here we go again", I told myself..

Here I am again....hoping.
Hoping that we could talk,
Hoping that I could feel every point of your smile.

Here I am again... longing.
Longing that our eyes would meet intensely...
Longing to embrace you...
Longing to be
with you..

Here I am again...
May 2016 · 334
I am longing to see you,
To be with you, to hear your voice,
To see your smile.

I am longing to talk to you -
Long talks as if the world around us stopped.

I am longing for you..
Can't you see it in my eyes?
#longing #frustrations #expectations
May 2016 · 229
One Year
This time last year,
I was looking for answers and chose not to fear.

Now, I haven't found the answers yet.
I can't even move on and forget.

I'm getting worse.
It's getting worse.
Everything is getting worse...
#depression #frustrations
Sep 2015 · 217
My life is so ****** up
I'm tired..
I'm freaking tired...
Sep 2015 · 220
I'm trying to be okay,
Fighting to be okay.

But everything is getting worse.
I don't know how to push on through.

I wanna freaking give up.
I. Am. Tired.
#depression #frustrations #anxiety
Sep 2015 · 220
I need to let these things out of my chest
Help me, please.
I need to rest...
Aug 2015 · 849
I'm starting to wonder how much you know about me;
How much feelings I have for you.
#feelings #love #frustrations
Aug 2015 · 336
One Thing
One thing I know is for sure:
I am badly in love with you.

Help me figure this out
Meet me halfway through
#love #frustrations #waiting #confused
Aug 2015 · 238
I'm trying my hardest not to act how I feel
#pretensions #depression
Aug 2015 · 456
I don't wanna wake up anymore
I wanna die tonight
#depression #frustration #anxiety #insecurities #enviousness
Jul 2015 · 196
I have to make a new world without you in it
but how...

When all I can see is you,
when all that matters to me is you...
#love #lettinggo #freeverse
Jul 2015 · 205
I feel like I am already a burden to the people around me
Why do I have to feel this **** thing...
i need you please
#lost #frustrations #longing
Jul 2015 · 915
Why do I always think that you care for me, too?
Why do I always assume that I'm a part of your thoughts?

Why am I being so stupid...

#love #frustrations
Jul 2015 · 534
No More Words
I don't know what's happening
Every dark cloud dawns on me
They're swallowing me up
I can feel every pain in my veins

I wanna do something for it to go away
But somehow I want it to stay
I can't cry anymore, my eyes are dry
Can someone save me, please do try

No more words
*Just pain
i don't know who i am anymore...
#depression #frustration #anxiety
Jul 2015 · 351
One day she changed
She came back as a completely different person
With a new perspective, new mind, new heart

The girl that once cared way too much for him
No longer cared at all
#love #lettinggo #wokeup
Jul 2015 · 209
You have no freaking idea how hard it is
Jul 2015 · 602
"I'm okay", I said.
But every time I say that, *my heart slowly fades

"It's okay" "I'm okay"
Is it okay when the last thing I wanna do is to **** myself?
Am I still okay when I feel so alone and abandoned?

Suppressing all these thoughts and feelings
Hoping that one day someone would see that I'm dying inside
Wishing that this whole **** thing would end now

July 11, 2015
#depression #frustrations
Jul 2015 · 174
not all kinds of pain has cure
Jul 2015 · 233
Now everything seems to be "clear"
I can see your eyes saying "do not come near"
I now understand that things were just delusions
Made by my brain

I wanna say thank you for letting me write again
For letting me be inspired again
I will never regret
And I already need not to fret

I am letting you go
Even if you do not know
You will always be special in this world of mine
And now I wanna live hoping that without you,
I'm gonna be fine

Or maybe someday my delusions will become reality
*At the right time.
#love #lettinggo
Jul 2015 · 563
Traffic Light
Those mixed signals won't help this heart of mine
They're like traffic lights around the corner
Red, green, yellow
Yellow, red, green
Please tell me what to read

Now I'm wasting my time thinking of you
Where should I go, I don't know what to do
I wanna learn how to let you go from my thoughts
But there's this part of me that still hopes

Or maybe that traffic light doesn't really exist
It's just all in my head running like a bandit
Stealing my brain, bringing pain

Assuming that you would love me too,
I will now stop.
I will now learn how to lose grip,
How to remove you from my heart bit by bit.
#love #mixedsignals #frustrations
Jul 2015 · 227
Here I am back in my old swamp
Trying to swallow reality
I will never understand why
But I know that this will come to pass

All the tears and sweat will be worth it soon
Letting all the exhaustion dawn on me
Darkness is always near
Please let me out from this misery

Hoping for answers to come
I won't let myself rule -
Let Your will *be done
Tired of the happenings around me. I need a break....
Jul 2015 · 675
Silence* is a deafening sound
It's crazy to just look at each other's eyes
And see what's in our minds

These "no talking" scenes are frustrating
Please don't leave me hanging

I don't know if it kills you, too
Or I'm just stupid enough to assume
That you feel the same way like I do
#love #frustrations
Jul 2015 · 175
Some people can hurt you so easily
And sometimes those people are the ones you *love the most
July 1 #petpeeves #friendship
Jul 2015 · 548
Even If
I am so comfortable when you're around
I feel secure, it feels so warm
Even if there's no talking
Even if  *just staring
#love #waiting #gettingcrazy
Jun 2015 · 605
I Would
I would love to be your first thought when you wake up
I would love to be the first search of your eyes in a crowd
I would love to be the first song you will sing
I would love to be the first dance you'll ever swing

But maybe all of these feels are just a fantasy
"One-sided" as they want it to be
Please, I'm in dire need of your clarity
And I would love to say "I love you",
*Please listen to me.
#love #waiting
Jun 2015 · 229
Maybe it's good to forget you for a while
Freeing myself from the pictures of you in my mind
Choosing to explore the world without you in it
Rushing into places like a careless bandit

But every time I try not to think of you,
All of the memories are like deja vu
Even if I try to be happy in a different world,
I still long for you, yeah, it's so absurd...
Jun 2015 · 202
I would always love those eyes
Your laugh that makes my world stop
Your jokes, funny dance steps,
Your irresistible requests

Even if I'm not really sure if I'm special for you, too,
I would always keep you in this stupid heart of mine
Wishing that one day those eyes will search for me
And be locked in your heart eternally
Jun 2015 · 322
I'm Tired
What will you do if all of your expectations did not happen?
Things are falling apart,
Things are not happening your way
Every thing is just a broken high way

I. Am. Tired.
I'm tired of the voices around me
Tired of the the raging thoughts that want to get out of my brain
Tired of all the foolish decisions that I made

I'm tired...
I just want to escape from this misery
I want to hang myself and pretend it's just a nightmare
My eyes are dry already...

And then there's always this still small voice saying:
"Trust in Me with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Me
and I will make your paths straight."

It brings so much peace
So much love that I wouldn't find from others
I'm tired
But this Love never gets tired of loving me
This Love will never leave me nor forsake me
I just received a bad news this morning. And I do not really know what to do...
I just have to put my trust in Him who made me.
Hope it will inspire you! :)
Jun 2015 · 353
Do you know that you sum up my thoughts
Like my brain is half full of you
Do you even know that your smile removes the sadness in me
And that your presence makes me feel alive, I don't want to leave

I love those itsy bitsy details about you -
All those little dots and those baby fats
Your chubby cheeks that expand every time you smile
Those long eyelashes that are covered of glasses

Your laugh is like your voice when you sing
Chuckles like there's more to bring
I love the way how your eyes blink
And every time you wink

Do you even know that I appreciate you
All those small acts of yours
All the lessons you've taught me
Your eyebrows that are like moving roads
Your funny faces that give me spaces to breathe
Those big hands that I long to hold forever

Do you even know how I feel about you
How I wanna pinch your face and feel your warm embrace
Your eyes that are brighter than the stars
That make my heart beat like when you play the drums
And those eyes strum my heartstrings like no one does

Do you even know that my heart wants to escape from my chest every time that you're around
And run to yours to feel the sound
But I cannot even look straight into your eyes
Afraid that you'll see nothing but your name in the frame of my soul

Do you even know how much I care
How much I wanna text you and ask "how was your day?"
But instead I pray and hope that you're okay

As much as I wanna end this poem
Words are just flowing knowing that I can't contain this anymore

Do you even know how much I wanna tell you
But God told me to wait and have faith
That the right time will come that you'll be the one to confess
And as much as I wanna tell you my secrets and happy moments,
I'll have this intimacy with Him first

With Him who writes my love story
With Him who made you, my love
With Him who only satisfies
Who loves you the way I can never do

With Him who died for us
Who knows what we need even before we ask
And as much as I need you, my love
I want you to enjoy Him first - your first love, your one true love

As much as I wanna be with you
I'll wait for that right time

This poem is the first and I think it will never be the last
And maybe someday I'll have the chance to tell you all these
But for now, let this poem speak
Trusting that He will guide us in this journey
Trusting that He will let me hold your hand someday
Glued for His glory
uhm yeah.. the poem says it all. Hope you like it! :)
Jun 2015 · 525
I Don't
I do not really understand why people choose to be hurt
Why do they have to go with the wrong choices even though they know the right ones?
Why do human beings choose to be stupid and lame and dumb?

Or is it just because they really don’t have a choice?
Maybe because they just really want to be happy
And whatever risk it may take, they just go and do it.

I do not really understand why pain exists
Like what the hell is wrong with this world
Oh, wait, I forgot. Everything’s wrong with this world.
Except for the beautiful things, may be.

Like the beautiful sky that reflects the ocean
Like the stars in the dark that shines so bright that most of us think they could answer our deepest wishes
Or like the sun that burns our skin and makes us hide under the shades of gigantic trees
Or… the beautiful you that you never saw.

I do not really understand why do we have to seek for love?
Why are we so desperate for it like peperoni on a pizza with cheese on it?
Why do we seek and long for it like air in our lungs?
Why couldn’t we just wake up one day and find that love that we’re hungry for?

I do not really understand why depression haunts me
It’s like a deafening silence banging in my brain
Killing its cells gently until it stops functioning
I feel like it’s obsessed with me
I don’t want it, I never wanted it. Never.
But I realized it’s the only thing that thinks of me.
It’s the only one that talks to me, that makes me feel overwhelmed…
And then it’s the only thing that makes me hurt myself, makes me cut my own hair, makes me wonder why do I exist, why am I here in this cruel world.
Nice huh. Sounds crazy.

I do not really understand why do my parents expect so much from me?
Wait, I’m not perfect. I have bruises and scars not just on the outside but in here in this ***** heart of mine.
Why couldn’t they understand that it’s not also easy for me?
Why couldn’t they just ask me and care for me and long for me?
Why couldn’t they stop comparing me? Why?


I do not really understand why.
I cannot blame my limited brain if it cannot answer all of these questions
But one thing I know is for sure…
There’s a God out there turning pain into beautiful paintings that scream of His love
Turning bruises and scars into words that give life
Turning depression into testimonies that release hope and comfort

And that love that you’re longing for?
That love that you’re desperate for?
That you’re hungry for?
It’s right beside you – that when you wake up, the moment you open your eyes, it’s right there…
He is right there.

Beloved, everything around you is nothing but temporary –
all the emotions, pain, depression, hurt, people…everything. Even you.
But remember this truth: you have a Father whom you could be with forever.
You have a Father Who cries with you, Who knows your anxious thoughts, your deepest secrets, your first love, your crush,
a Father Who knows all the pain that you went through.

Beloved, please remember this truth: He reached down from on high and took hold of you;
He drew you out of deep waters.
He left heaven for you.
He endured the suffering and the pain just for your gain.

I may not understand this love.
But this love saved me. He saved me.
This love makes me want to dance forever in His freedom.
And I want you to experience that.
He wants you to experience this genuine love that no one can rob.
He wants to be the desire of your heart.
He wants you to be lost in Him so that you could find yourself.

This poem is getting too long.
But I really made this… for you to know that whatever you’re going through right now,
You will overcome because He loves you. Jesus loves you.
I made this poem last June 24. It was 4am and my thoughts are blowing up my mind and these words just came up. This is one of the hardest seasons in my life so far. Test into a testimony. Hope it will inspire you! :)

— The End —