But my soul does
She calls for you and I ignore her
I tell her to shut the **** up
And sometimes she screams it so loud that I have to lock her away
Because I can't stand to hear it
And I can't bear to believe it...

I am never alone
You see, I have a friend
Who wakes me up
And never leaves my bed
Who talks to me
And knows my soul
If you were to look you would see no one
But I am surely not alone.
My friend is the kind you wouldn't like around
She's bothersome and weary
She likes to invade in my private space
She wants to be my one and only
She knows no boundaries
She knows not of what is right
She only knows what is wrong
And reminds me in flashbacks of my life
You know her as pain
An emotion with no face
But I tell you now, she has one
And she wears no shame.
Her hands as they touch me
Are cold and empty
Her eyes as she sees me
Are dark and heavy
She sleeps with me
Even though I beg her to leave
I yell and scream at her
And she still holds onto me..
So tight she squeezes
She holds back tears as she asks me about love
As if I would know...
I tell her all I feel is numb..

I waved to the girl in the mirror this morning and she turned away
I suppose she's sick of me, sick of my *******
I don't blame her. I'm sick of my **** too.

I smiled at the girl in the mirror today and she flashed a little smirk
My smile grew two sizes.  It looked like hope.

I said good night to the girl in the mirror tonight and she cried.
Tear by tear I watched her yell at me to go away, but I couldn't so I turned off the light and stayed with her.

I blew a kiss to the girl in the mirror this morning and she caught it with her hand
She rolled her eyes
And she stepped on my kiss with her heals

Can you not be such a reflection

Your hands are like an earth quake.
So strong and full of force. Breaking down my walls and crumbling me to pieces in your lap. You vigorously shake my emotions and wreck my fortress that I have taken time and dedication to build.

Your eyes are like water.
So calming and moving. I just want to be your rock. You see right through me and my thoughts like a tropical ocean. But you watch me undress and I see pacific waves crashing in your eyes. I can feel your thirst.

Your mind is like a fire.
So sure of itself and so powerful.  Like a forest fire. It would take many men to stop you or put you down. You know the direction in which you pursue and you burn your own path.

Your compassion is like a rose.
Beautiful and fragile; you are gentle and bright.  You bring smiles and radiance to the room but you make it very clear to me that if I hold you too close, you could hurt me.

Let me tell you how I see this now
If you make no changes and decide to stand your ground
If you never open up and believe that I will leave
One day I promise what you fear, it shall be.
You don't want to cut ties with women in your past,
For just in case we don't work, you have a backup plan..
But these past women will keep interfering with us even if you choose to ignore,
Because I can't overlook the fact that you have one foot in and the other out the door.
You said you've been here before and you don't see how this will last
So eager you are to say goodbye, I wish you'd slow down before we crash
I can't help you see what I see, you don't feel what I do
I didn't want to do this, but now I have to let go of you.

Please don't tell the world my secrets
I know you can read my thoughts
I know you understand my pain
And know the battles that I have fought.
You know I'm weary of this
And that I don't trust men
Yet you persist and insist
That you are nothing like the rest of them.
Please don't run away with my heart
And give yours to another
Please do not build a foundation of lies for us
That one day I must uncover.
Why are you so kind to me?
What do you see in me that the rest have missed?
Why do you not take someone else with less issues?
What about me has you interested?
Please don't tell the world these emotions I have
Please just keep them to yourself
And please don't try to save me
Because I do not need your help.

There's a fire between us,
I can see you through the flames
And you can see me too,
But we stay our separate ways.
I see the same fire when I look in your eyes
And I feel it's overbearing heat,
I know you would throw me in it if you had the chance,
I hear it in your thoughts as you stand before me.
This fire used to burn for other reasons,
But now only exists to feed your soul,
The same flames that we once shared to keep warm,
Will now be yours to keep you whole.
You choose to house this inferno,
That incinerates the memories, the good and the bad
But I can't help but wonder what will become of you
When the fire has done its part, and all that's left is ash.

Would you meet me with your worst confessions
Tomorrow before sunrise
I'll tell you all of my secrets there
Like the other girls do with the guys they like
The place that tourists of our town go for beauty
Is the place us tragic, dreaming teens descend
The moments when we find ourselves most lost -
Would you meet me at Lands End

You speak of Him
But who is he?
Is he a man of your past
Or a figure of your dreams
Did he really steal your heart
Or did you give it to him willingly
Tell me who is he

You speak of Him
And I wonder what he is
Was he some kind of savior
Or a dark abyss
Did he turn your walls inside you black
Or free you with every kiss
Please tell me dear sister who he is

He was the sky and the heavens
With a splash of hell
I wasn't expecting to fall so far so fast
With just an introduction to his world
He did steal my heart
But I suppose I consented
To be honest, I can't recall
I've been so disconnected
I'm not sure what he was anymore
Or if it all was even real
I wake up every morning
And can't determine how I feel
He may have been great
Or he may have been terrible
The more I think about him the more his memory
Fades from my cerebral
I am without memory and without feeling
My days have turned grim
So you decide for yourself about who he is
This is the after effect of Him

What do you want from me?
I don't know what you're trying to prove
That you're some charming guy from the coast on the east
Or that you can make me fall in love with you?
The things you say and the way you move
I know it's intentional and you look out for you
This friendship that we have now I know it won't last
I want to start over with you while you try to pick up from the past
I should probably walk away while I still can
After all, what do I expect? You are just a man
I want to trust your words and see the good in you
But all I see is past brokenness that I've been dragged through
Putting this all into words shows me a girl who is nothing but jaded
You don't want to get to know me now, the girl you knew before has faded.

Let your kisses smell like Daisy's
And your skin be soft as velvet
May your wishes sparkle your days
And your nights be forever enchanted.

I used to love the moon
The idea that we both saw the same light
From different angles
From different time zones
But now I envy the moon
Because she reminds me that love fades
That it will come and go
Just as she does
Just like you do

Finally home!!
I need a glass of wine. Right now please
I don’t want to be told no or that I shouldn’t
I’m having a glass. Don’t interrupt me.

He said "Yea, you know you're right.
You cross my mind and I think of you
While I'm at work and when I'm on the road
And sometimes I dream of you too.

But you really need to relax with all of these poems you write of me
Get a grip, it wasn't that serious
You've even said it was mostly a physical attraction
And I honestly think you've become a little delirious.

You change your mind so much it's unbearable
You write about me every day
I only come on here to make sure you haven't completely lost it
And of course to see what you think of me today.

It really is flattering, you know
To read how torn apart you are from me
And how you feel like you can't move on sometimes
Because I really didn't do much of anything.

You want an apology and a confession
But you won't get it and that's what kills you
You want a dude to keep running back
Only because that's what you're used to.

But I have way too much pride for that ****
And you already know that I've moved on!
I moved on before we ended our little affair
And that's why I haven't called since you've been gone.

You don't feel ****, *****. Let's be honest
Well at least, I know it's not me you're feeling
Stop wasting your time with all of these sad rhymes
It's irritating that I read them and feel like I owe you my pitty".

Can we just be one...
Can we love with more passion than we've ever known.
Can you take me into your arms and never let me go.

YES* I'm territorial. And YES I want you all to myself..

Are you *really so mad at that?!

And after it all- I was still standing.  Alone and cold, yes. But I was still standing.

You shoved me down and pulled me through the mud by my hair. Kicking my face as you walked and reminded me that I wasn't worth a ****.  Yet, here I stand.

You do not own me. You do not control me.

Happy Birthday from Earth
Can you hear me up there?
This was the day we'd live like we couldn't die
Like we weren't going anywhere
You're not here to experience another year
I can't say Happy Birthday without a river of sorrow
Having you would be a day to celebrate
But without you, it's just another sad tomorrow.

Everybody seems to know what they want from me
and yet I don't know what I want for myself
People expect me to be able to deal with anything
They throw their problems upon my shelf.
I'm expected to forgive and let go
Get up and move forward
Endure the worst from others
And always have a helping hand to offer.
I think I just want to be left alone
I have nothing left to give to anyone
No compassion left in this body of mine
I don't want to be asked for a dime or an opinion.

We do take them as fools
As much as they do take us
And so we circle through this painful cycle
Scheming in and out of love.

He lived by 'Can't Stop, Won't Stop'
I caught on and adopted
And when I started I couldn't stop
I wouldn't stop it

I'm a little better every day
With each week that passes my eyes see clearer
With each moment that you're not around
I find my thoughts a little more cleaner.
I don't say your name when I'm half awake anymore
Or reach out my hand for you when I'm alone
Check my screen every five minutes for your name to pop up
And I finally deleted your number from my phone.
Erased your name from my heart nearly completely
Convinced myself that I was worthless to you
This made the whole "moving on" thing much easier
Once I realized that's all I needed to do.
Now that I took a step back and see what this was
You're not nearly as great as I made you out to be
You kinda just fall into that same pile as the rest of them
And in time you will be completely dead to me.

I was never perfect
I did not claim to be
Yet you expected somehow
That I eventually would be

Perfect for you
But there's no such thing
You expect the world to mold to you
Bend to your way of being

Harsh as your opinions
I somehow thought you would see
The strength in my mind
The beauty in my individuality

These jeans slip off my waist
The way you slipped through my fingers
I'm a little bit lost with an unmarked direction
Fighting the light you left behind that still lingers
Tangled in these bedsheets
Hiding from real life in just my underwear
Reaching for you, where you're supposed to be
But it's not you who's there
Lay me down, he takes what he's here for
I hesitate and he continues to stay
Without you I feel lifeless
I slowly feel my body decay.

I wanted so badly to be loved by you
That I let you suffocate me with a fake idea

And there is was.  As real as I knew it was.

It existed in my mind and fed on my soul. I stared it right in the face and felt somewhat whole.

It was like finding the missing piece to the puzzle. A puzzle you've been working on for a year. And the more you tried to figure out what happened to it, the more it felt unclear.

Your heart was invested. But in someone else as I could see. I obviously didn't deserve honesty from you. I wonder if she knows about me?

A cigarette in peace
I'd like to know where peace is
Maybe she's here
In this moment
On this stairway
Compared to tomorrow
Compared to what is yet to come
Maybe my peace has come and gone
Or maybe I didn't recognize her when I passed through
Maybe I just missed her
And she waved at me from the sand bar
Maybe  she's in this cigarette
And I'm disintegrating her sweet promise to ash
Maybe she's in all things fatal
Oh, the irony of the possibility.

I regret turning on this movie
I have to walk away
I can't watch her suffer his cruelty,
I can't watch her endure ****.
His abuse and her torture
I feel goosebumps and I cringe
I leave the room before I *****
Because I hate being reminded of him.
All these years later
You would think I'd be fine
But I'm not, and I can't stand it
The experience lingers in my mind.
I hate that to this day, I still flinch at night
And I yell in my sleep
I hate that I can't talk about it with anyone
Because I don't want to be seen differently.
I ******* hate being reminded of you
Showers and rhymes don't make me feel better or clean
I hate that I blame myself so harshly for that night
But I let myself down; I was the only one who could have saved me.

Loving me is begging for a heart break baby-
But I'll show you if you let me

How sad for you,
That you were not the chosen girl
And yet when he calls for you
You're right there.

How lonely for you,
That for years you were forgotten
Until one day he remembers you
And you're right there.

How pathetic you are,
That you have your own man
But for some reason when this one pays you attention
You're right there.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
You're always waiting for him.

Love is not enough.

It's not enough to love someone the way that I know how
Or show them I care when I can
It's not enough to do all that you can do
To make him feel like he's important.

People need more. They always do.
But we don't know this upfront
We always believe that love is enough
Until we're back at square one.

Love is never enough, I've determined
Maybe I just have no more to give
I'm doing the best I can to love this man
But it's just not enough for him

My love is not enough.

Such a critic.  Analyzing others words and relating, which is the beauty of poetry.

Exept you don't seem to see the beauty. You only see the hate that eats you alive.

You ****** up
And I forgave you
I told you that would be the last time I'd take you back
Thinking I'd scare you straight
But I didn't and you ****** up again
And I was so angry
The last words I said to you was
What the **** am I doing here
And I walked out.
I felt so weak
But I thought that was my strongest move
I thought you'd call
I thought you'd knock on my door
But you never did
But even though I told you I wouldn't forgive again
Even though I was so angry
I loved you still
And I would have taken you back if you had tried
I would have willingly struggled through your deceit
So I silently thank you today for not giving a ****
Because you didn't deserve me.

I wanted love
But loving him was black
Like a cave that I was interested to explore
Newfound beauties that I thought would bring me excitement
But instead it cut me off from the world and held me captive.

I found you and my eyes were introduced to color
My skin felt the sun and my hands reached for life
You found me and you painted my whole world with excitement and laughter
And We fell in love.

Falling in love is an amazing feeling.
But I don't want to feel that every day for the rest of my life.
I want to feel what it's like to be caught.
And live every day with the person who caught me.

I'm in a war my love, I intent to return to you soon
Trapped between terrified of commitment and not wanting to leave you
Afraid of the future and hesitant to make a serious move
Will you wait for me lover or drift away to a new

See, I can't help but feel like with you I would remain
Leaving my solo life behind and taking your name
Forever tangled in love until the end of our days
Although I do want this, I feel slightly strange

Sometimes I feel too wild for you and I'm scared I may wander
Afraid to hurt you badly and loose sight of each other
Or look back in 20 years and can't help but wonder
Was there something else in life I was meant to uncover

This battle has me occupied but you remain in my mind
You have given me your heart in exchange for mine
I still love you immensely, all these fears aside
I promise to have a resolution soon love, I just need some time.

The way you turned my sweet heart into nothing
Was like watching ice cream melt to asphalt

I wonder how you breathe
It's been so long since I had you close to me
I wonder if you still lay in bed formulating dreams
Filling the void inside with a new me

I wonder of your thoughts these days
If they've changed much since that one New Year's Day
When we held each other tight and fell into a haze
Talking about So Cal and the kids we would raise

I wonder if you miss us while your living your new life
If you lay awake like I do most nights
Searching for a solace that will bring new light
Anything that will make this feel more right

I wonder, oh I wonder - were we meant to meet
I let you walk into my life and take me completely
I wonder if I have you today, the same way you have me
I wonder if you'll ever let me find peace