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I love girls
I love guys
I love the in-betweens
I love the ones who changed sides

I love the ones happy with who they are
I love the ones who haven’t gotten that far
I love the ones who still can’t pick
I love the ones who are fed up with it

I love those who are tall
I love those who are slim
I love those who are small
I love those who are thick

I love people no matter their color
I love people no matter their size
I love people no matter their religion
I love people no matter what’s between their thighs

I love a little too quick
I love a little too much
I love a little too hard

But that’s okay. I love you no matter what.
The life of a pansexual
lone·ly
/ˈlōnlē/
adjective
sad because one has no friends or company.

I have these people in my life, I'm surrounded by people.
But why do I feel lonely?
Constantly interacting with others, I'm never truly by myself.
But why do I feel lonely?

I'm scared to interact with others, making friends is so difficult.
But I feel so alone...
Stuttering syllables, faltering breath, hammering heart, I can't do it.
But I feel so alone...

----

I want to reach out to others, but I'm nervous.
I fear leaving negative impressions.
I worry about embarrassing myself.

I feel like I'm not enough, I'm not what others want.
When I get in a good situation this feeling comes creeping.
It's all consuming, destroying every good thought I have
Until I'm left alone in loneliness and a shattered heart.
Shadows creep along these four walls,
with each second, each minute, hour, day
they grow stronger, stretch farther, get closer.
These shadows devour everything in their path,
slowly overcoming each and every nook and cranny.
Shadows lick at the edges of my heart and mind,
twisting my thoughts and hurting my heart.
They whisper the truths from which I hide,
"Worthless, unloveable, you should die."
I fear they'll overtake me soon.
For I know they are right.
Shadows swallow me,
Devour me whole.
What is it like to be satisfied with who you are?
What is it like to have a happy family?
What is it like to not have depression?
What is it like to not hate yourself?
What is it like to enjoy your life?
What is it like to love yourself?
What is it like to be happy?
What is it like to be loved?

What is it like to want to live?
Social media, video games, YouTube, Netflix, Tumblr
I mindlessly look at stories on Snapchat
I play video games until my head hurts
I watch YouTube until I'm out of videos
I binge watch Netflix until I fall asleep
I read stories on Tumblr 'till I can't see

I strive so hard to feel better in the worst moments
But instead I only distract myself from how I feel
I try so hard to push off these thoughts and feelings
Only to drown in them when I try to fall asleep
It makes it **** hard to get any sleep anymore
I stay up at night until my mind is blissfully quiet
Only to regret it the next morning when I get up
It's so hard to think, it's so hard to stay awake,
It's so hard to sleep, its so hard to do anything,
Even worse, it's becoming incredibly hard to live
Why do I feel so alone anymore
Why do I feel so painfully sad
Why do I feel like dying is easier
“Why does everyone leave me?”
I’m right here
“Why does no one love me”
I guess I don’t count
“Why do people always hurt me”
I’ve haven’t done anything bad to you
“I feel so lonely”
I’m right here

I listen to every word you say,
Quietly crying as you rant
I let you do it because I care
I want to be there for you
But I’m struggling right now
I’m really struggling to find
A way to go on with my life
I’m suicidal half of the time
The only thing that’s kept
me from doing it is that
I don’t want to make my
mama’s life any harder
I burden people enough
As it is that I would hate
To make anyone’s life worse
But it doesn’t matter, I won’t
Do it, and I won’t complain
You are more important
To me than telling you
About my little problems
I’ll just keep it all to myself
It’s all I know how to do

”Put other people first
Forget about your
’Problems’ and
Worry about
Others. You
Will never be
Remotely
Important”
I’ll always be right here.
It’s something we all want
It’s something we all crave
We want to be cherished
We want to feel loved,
Wanted, and needed.

I’ve been so lonely,
I’ve reverted back
To this state where
All I want is to be
Loved. I want love
Because I have so
Few people in my
Life that I think
I can trust with
My feelings.

I’m so tired of being lonely
A constant spiral, dragging
Me down to this dark pit
I can’t see I can’t hear
I can’t feel anything but
This heartbreaking feeling
Of being so lonely that it
Is slowly eating me alive

I don’t know what it feels
Like to be loved, wanted,
Needed, cherished, or
Anything other than
Being all myself.
I know I’m young,
That I shouldn’t
Be so obsessed
With feeling
Loved by
A person.
But my
Heart
Aches
For
Love.
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