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Feb 2017 · 557
What I Mean
pam Feb 2017
i dont know how to start this so i'll just start by saying hello
even when i mean goodbye
i wanna get out of here because im tired
but im tired probably means im scared
but i'll just **** it up and get this over with
ask me if im okay and i'll say im wonderful
but maybe i mean i cant do it anymore
you see, everybody sees things with their own perspective
like i'll say trees are okay but i mean they're beautiful
by beautiful maybe i mean you
when i say you, i mean i adore you
and if i adore you i mean, ill always think of you

i wouldnt say i dont care
its just that i have a lot of pride that i cant swallow
when i say i cant swallow i mean
ive learned how to swallow starlight and
i hope you know that the ache it brings is like a cinnamon heartburn

i hate people with pride issues
they make my tongue burn and swell
but i mean my kiss taste like a shotgun to the lips
it'll make you feel brave.
it'll make you feel brave, but i mean it'll make me weak.

sometimes we all feel like we're imprisoned
somewhere we dont want to be
but let me tell you this, you're like a bird
you're free, you got the whole world
because baby, there's no such thing as cage.

let me end this with a thank you,
but maybe my thank you means hello.
ive been away for a long time. this poem was inspired by some tweet i read. hope you like it.
Feb 2016 · 600
watch me
pam Feb 2016

- PD
i wish i realized this before i cried an ocean for you.
Dec 2015 · 473
pam Dec 2015
Three years ago, she told you she loves you...

You see her walking down the street with her earphones in
You smiled from ear to ear
Reminiscing the past three years
Your smile turned upside down
And you wonder if she moved on
Thats why she's back in town
And you wonder if you could handle
Her moving on from you
You stared at her as she crosses the street
As she sings along to the music in her ears
You wonder if she still listens to the same song
You wonder what you did wrong
She saw you so she smiled and wave
Crazy because last time, she turned the other way
But today was different
She smiled and walked up to you
Asking you how you do
Then you realized you're upset
That you let her go
She left with a smile on her face
"Bye..." You whispered
As your voice cracked.

**Three years ago, she told you she loves you...
Today, you almost say it back.

Idk, hope he feels this way... I waited for 4 years to hear him say it back, but he never did...
pam Nov 2015

- P.D

If you didnt drift away and if you didnt change your ways, we couldve been something wonderful.
Nov 2015 · 1.0k
pam Nov 2015
Ive written too many words
To ask you to stay.
Too many letters that beg;
That spell out desperation.
So go ahead,


this is just beautiful idk. I wish I could say this to you, but you left already, so whats the point?
Oct 2015 · 726
Did you forget?
pam Oct 2015
I booked a flight to America
Wishing to start a new life.
You found out I was leaving.
You were mad as if it’s a crime.
You called me and asked
If we could see each other for the last time.
You gave me a letter that broke my heart
Explaining why we fell apart
Telling me you never stopped
Telling me you though I gave up
But the one thing I wont forget
Is when you said
“I will never, ever forget you. You’re one of the reasons why Im happy and because... you mean a lot to me.”
I wanted to talk to you and sort this out
But it was too late
Because I have a flight before midnight.
Looking back to those days
Still makes me sad.
Its been a year and I still think about you.
You said you’ll never forget me
But is that enough to forget the agony?

This is actually a very long poem, but it turned out to be a personal thought so I had to cut it out. Anyways, Im sorry for being heartbroken x
pam Oct 2015
One winter night
The wind blows with its might
She walks alone through the wood
Her name’s Little Red Riding Hood
The willow trees along the forest trail
Sway their empty branches and wail
And afar, the white bright moon
Tries hard to shine like it were noon
“I will eat you”, the whisper sounded near
Sending her into a state of fear
Holding her basket she spun around
Only to see darkness from the sky to the ground
Awake and alert, she waited a moment
Her fast beating heart giving her a torment
To go on or to go back, she couldn’t decide
How she wished her mother by her side
The wolf couldn’t wait to claim his food
So he started to plan how he could
For he knew which way she’s heading to
It’s probably the route earlier too
The wolf figured out a plan
He wouldn’t share this to his clan
So he ran and ran and wait for her at her granny’s place
But here comes the twist in this tale
For Riding Hood is a modern child
And the wolf is still traditional and wild
Riding Hood reached for her cellphone, and placed a call
Calling her granny in no time at all
“Im scared, Im going home”, she cried
It was a failed effort, but she tried
A wise decision, granny couldn't agree more
Soon, there was a knock on the door
“Whos that?”, Granny asked
“Red Riding Hood”, his voice was masked
What an impostor
Posing as her granddaughter
Granny picked up her whistle and blew it hard
Down came running the guard
Before he knew it, he was put in a sack
What a pity, the wolf became a catch
In a mere mobile phone
He found his match.
oh well
Jul 2015 · 452
pam Jul 2015
I can be white, black, red, green.
No color judgement, ever since.
I hear things I dont want to hear. I see things I dont want to see.
When people are mad,
They take it out on me.
Time just pass me by
And sometimes people asks why
Why am I thin, thick, wide, red, rough, or smooth, or they'll ask me if I know all the truths.
If only I could talk.
You will know the answers
And all the crimes, worries, and wonders
Will be discovered.

- P.D
I tried to be a wall
May 2015 · 318
pam May 2015
Im thinking about you again.

and this is not a good sign
its been like what? ... like 4 years? almost 5 years? ive lost track..
May 2015 · 458
pam May 2015
(oh boy, oh you.)*

You told me things that made me believe
you told me things i didn’t wanna hear
you told me things i can relate to
its weird because thats not something that you’re into
you told me feeling you didn’t want anyone to know
Even though i didn’t wanna hear it
I couldn’t say no
Because I want you to know that I’m still here
and I’m not willing to disappear.

Oh boy, oh you,
I wish you knew
What pain I had to go through
All because of you.

thoughts about you

I still can't forget about you.
Why did you have to open up you and your girlfriends problem to me.
Thats not fair.
Its so not fair...

I couldn't even say no...
Im gasping for air.
Feb 2015 · 478
1... 2... 3...
pam Feb 2015
I dont hate you.
Im just upset and disappointed
because you turned into everything you said you'd never be.
But I want to hate you.
So tell me everything.
Why didnt you tell me a ******* thing? You made me believe that you and your 'feelings' would actually last longer than Ive imagine.
I want to know all the reasons because I need them to hate you.
But this doesnt mean I regret meeting you.
You're one of the best person I've ever met.
My happiness used to depend on you. You made me feel butterflies, you made me feel like Im worth it.

I thought you're not going to hurt me.
Turns out you're the reason why im crying every night.
You're the reason why I couldnt sleep at night.
You're the reason why I want to regret meeting you...
But how can I regret something-- someone I once wanted?

I think-- Ive had enough.
Its done. Its over.
I want nothing to do with you anymore.

I cant risk another minute of my life thinking about how you ruined me-- and how I still want to run to you and ask you to fix me--
but thats not going to happen--
Because in a count of three--

1... 2... 3...

"Im letting you go."

really personal 4:38am thoughts
Jan 2015 · 554
pam Jan 2015
Is it still a poem
if no one reads it?
tell me... is it?
Jan 2015 · 11.2k
I hate fangirls
pam Jan 2015
“I would never be like those girls, they’re crazy.”  
Thats what I told myself when I saw every girl fan girling over some boyband.
I always wonder why they have to cry even though their idols just tweeted a picture or releases a new song; music video.
I always wonder why they have to waste their time to vote.
It annoys me when they try their best to get their idols attention by spamming them.
Fangirls get to my nerves, but I stayed quiet.
I hated it.
I hated them because they’re dedicating their life to someone who doesn’t even know they exist.
I mean I like some bands, but I never ever did those stuff.
"I would never ever.”
I told myself.
But one day, I woke up…

"Hi, we’re 5 Seconds Of Summer."
Then everything started to change.

*And then and there
I knew… Im such an hypocrite.
dont judge my music taste because I wont care.
Jan 2015 · 930
looking back
pam Jan 2015
Looking back
Back from the start
I remembered the day
We first met
It was the day
You made me melt
And then and there
All i wanted was for you to stay
Years passed by
I saw you again
But all i felt was agony and pain
You being happy with the girl you're with.
Just kills me within.
You wearing that shirt
that i always borrow just broke me into pieces
You looking at her the way you looked at me
Shattered me...
- P.D

[ this is actually true... but I didnt see him in person. I saw it in a picture... Its just sad... ]
Dec 2014 · 536
Unfinished Poem
pam Dec 2014
You will always be
An unfinished poem,
My unfinished poem.

                                        { pd }
4 am thoughts
Dec 2014 · 771
What happened?
pam Dec 2014
I remember the day we used to talk til midnight
You'll bet I'll fall asleep and leave you behind
But you were wrong, because we talked
until 6am
We exchanged stories
And even though we ran out of
Stories to tell
We still make our conversation go
And thats what I like about you.
You told me stories about a girl you used to like.
I cant help, but feel jealous.
I know you noticed it from my response
And you said
"Are you jealous?" I laughed and said I was not. You asked again. Then I gave up. "I shouldnt be, tho." Is what I told you.
"Yup, you shouldnt be, because i totally feel nothing for her." Is what you assured me.

But what happened now?
Why did you leave me for her?
- PD
Dec 2014 · 577
Pen & Paper
pam Dec 2014

Spells out my emotion
Helps me get through all my sorrow
Makes me realize there's still tomorrow
Its a symbol of my soul.
The strength when Im down.
And the voice when I cant speak.

Knows my story
The confident I never had
Paper is patient.
It never judges.

Pens and papers are always there, always.
- PD
Oct 2014 · 1.5k
Crowded Hallway
pam Oct 2014
Staring at the crowded hallway
Just like what I usually do everyday
Everyones going on their own way
Some are shouting, but I cant hear what they say.

Staring at the crowded hallway
Seeing some students just wanted to play
If you tell them to go to class
They'll make faces as if they don't want to stay

Staring at the crowded hallway
watching everyone walk
while some are just there to talk
Staring and hearing their footsteps
Tapping on the floor
While teachers-- students are chilling near the door.
Talking about everything like they know for sure.

Staring, observing, knowing
Every little detail
hearing every sound.
Tappings on the floor, creaking of the door, and still trying to look for more

Everyones with their friends
talking like theres no end
and Im here playing pretend
Going to cafeteria before the bell rings
While im alone staring at the crowded busy hallway
minutes passed its not crowded anymore, but one things for sure
Im still here left alone.
- PD
i wrote this the 2nd week of school

*sigh* the disadvantage of moving to america
Oct 2014 · 982
entering reality
pam Oct 2014
"Why do you write a poem?"
"Poems are so deep."
"I hate thinking deep."
"Eww, so meaningful and dark."
"Ugh, thats so sad."

Those are the words I always hear.
Whenever Im there, here, or near.
They talk about my poems behind my back
Sometimes if they could, they might throw me a rock.

Funny how they knew.
Funny how they find out.
Because that girl that I trusted
Bursted it all out.

Life, life, life.
Is this what they call life?
Is life the thing that makes you get a knife?
Im tired, arent you?

They are living in a world full of lies.
In a world they think they'll be famous.
In a world they think everyone likes them.
But, they're wrong.
This is a world that is dangerous.

They should open their eyes and start entering reality.
And entering reality starts by understanding deep poems.
- PD
Oct 2014 · 2.3k
pam Oct 2014
She swam and swam and swam til' she reached the end
And she fell for a man, without any pretend.
She imagined living with a feet.
To have a good life living with him.

Imagining spending eternity
With the guy without uncertainty.

So she swam and swam and swam near his ship
So that he could catch his attention
He turned around and saw her...
As a circus attraction.
Sep 2014 · 993
school // hell
pam Sep 2014
Back to school
Everyones trying to look cool.
When you're just there, staring like a fool.
Sitting inside the classroom with some blurry thoughts.
Waiting for someone to talk.
But nobody did.
Is this the feeling of hell?
school is hell.
dont ask me why, because I'll say...
Lunch time, eating alone.
Classes sitting at the back alone. Its like you just wanna be gone.
Walking to your class, and doesnt even know where to go.
Everyones giving you some ***** looks.
You walked and walked and walked, but you're still lost.
Not just lost in school...

But you're also, losing yourself.
It was my first day of school today...
Aug 2014 · 642
You wonder
pam Aug 2014
You told me you love me.
You told me im beautiful
You told me im almost perfect.
You told me im the most beautiful girl you've ever met
You told me im hot
You told me im important
You told me you cared
You told me you will always be there.
I just smiled.
You told me you love my smile
You said you love everything about me.
But then you wondered.

'Why doesnt she believe me.'

You dont see the things that I see in the mirror, boy.
You dont see the pimples.
You dont see the dark circles
You dont see my big stomach
You dont see the scars in my thighs
You dont know what I think about myself.

Now, you know the reason.
- PD
Aug 2014 · 536
pam Aug 2014
life is nothing, but a tragedy.
- PD
Aug 2014 · 431
Out of my heart.
pam Aug 2014
another day not well spent because of you
its always you, and i hope you knew.
but you don't. you will never will.
because i will never tell.

Suddenly you showed up
In my doorstep wearing your faded cobain shirt
and your ***** blonde hair was so messy
and you seriously smell like a ******* beer.
you look so tired and you look so careless.

Its our day.
I had a flashback or everything we've done.
You smiled at me and said
"don't worry I'm not drunk. Id probably remember everything tomorrow."
probably? probably.
Suddenly I can feel it, love is slowly falling out of your vocabulary. And

its tearing me apart.
Then I realized… you're slowly falling out of my heart.
- PD
Jul 2014 · 773
truth will set us free
pam Jul 2014
"Truth will set you free"
"Truth will set us free"

is that real? is that true
truth will set us free? maybe
but tell me

am i suppose to believe that if im trapped?
trapped because of the truth?


then why am i trapped in this lonely world full of truths
why am i trapped in this mind full of truths
why am i suffering because i know the truth
why am i hurt
why cant i find my way out even though i know the truth
why is the truth hurting me so much, that it wont let me go away
why am i trapped?
why am i trapped if the truth will set us free

The truth will set us free, or.....*not
- PD
Jul 2014 · 788
Happiness = Hurting
pam Jul 2014
You totally forgot about me
And I just let it be
You're now completely happy
And I'm just happy, temporarily.

To be honest, I'm happy that you are happy,
But don't you know that you're happiness is hurting someone else?

Dont you know that you're happy, but someone else is broken
broken and thinking about her words unspoken.
Yup, her. The one who's hurting is her.
I know youre  wondering now.
The show is over, take a bow.

Wait I just want you to know that
the her im talking about is me.
Do you give a ****? Yes, no, or maybe?
- PD
Jun 2014 · 4.1k
Stomach Pain, Stomach Ache
pam Jun 2014
Stomach ache
Stomach ache
I'll flash a smile, they wont notice its fake.
Stomach pain
Stomach pain
I'll force myself its fine, because i dont wanna gain.
Stomach ache
Stomach ache
I will do whatever it takes
Stomach pain
Stomach pain
Stop, not again.
Stomach ache
Stomach ache
Im going to control myself, for Pete's sake.
Stomach pain
Stomach pain
I know im insane
But you cant stop me, never again.
Because by feeling such PAINS and ACHES
Makes me stronger, and Im strong enough to handle this.
I am not the slave of my body.

Yup, me right now.
May 2014 · 396
you wont
pam May 2014
you wont lose him i promise.

[ because you cant lose someone you never had ]

you cant keep him. im sorry.

[ because you cant keep someone who's not yours ]

you wont get him

[ because you cant get someone who runs away. ]
you wont. you cant. you just cant.
we just cant, i just cant.

Apr 2014 · 449
huge lie
pam Apr 2014
ive been trying you know
ive been trying to forget you
that first hello
i wish it was a dream
that you never existed, no faults to redeem.

ive been trying to pretend
that this would be a fairytale in the end.

a reality i keep trying to accept
but when your face intercepts

memories flashback and everything that has been.
and it cuts like a blade in my skin
leaving all the scars and mind numbing pain.

you're an angel in disguise
you were using your innocent eyes
but now i realized
everything was a huge lie.
Apr 2014 · 632
what i want
pam Apr 2014
what i want is to drown you in my pain
while you're screaming my name

all i want is for you to show the fear you hide
while im there crushing your pride.

all i want is to feed you to a crocodile
and take away those smile

what i want is to forget about you
cause im tired of feeling blue

i want to repair the broken promises
and turn it into pure bliss

you asked what do i want this time
if i say "you"
would you consider that as a crime?
Apr 2014 · 1.4k
serious matter
pam Apr 2014
they are a serious matter
a serious thing
serious stuff.
serious serious serious
people die because of those stuff
why make fun of it?
why lie about it?
why act like you have it?
why brag about it?
why call it stupidity?
why act like you're one of them?
why act, why pretend?

You're lying to us.. to me..
and most of all
to yourself..

*well, welcome me to your world of lies..
not the lies that you're happy.
but the lies in where you act like you're full of misery...
this is for the girls and boys who acts like theyre suicidal and stuff just to fit in.
Apr 2014 · 687
full of pain
pam Apr 2014
theres this girl
she always feel alone
its like she wished
she was never  born

she always get bullied
but she didnt expect that someone will stand up for her

he's always there for her
they laugh together
and she think she feels happy
first time in forever.

she let go of the knife
because shes already having the time of her life
she also dreamt about becoming his wife

but another girl entered the story
and the new girl tries to steal the guy from her
its like her life now is full of misery
a misery she'll never forget,  no more glory.

the guy left her, and slowly, and slowly
she's alone again, she's again full of melancholy

after days
she tried to stay
at the back of the room
when she left, she saw the guy
and the girl... fighting.
the girl was begging the guy to stay
but the guy said no.

she had a chance to follow the guy
she grabbed his hands and hugged him
she asked him what the problem is
he said nothing
but she know there is something

i want to know why you left me
she asked
the guy looked at her with a concerned eyes...
and she heard the words she didnt expect to hear..

i did that to keep you safe from harm, because i love you.

and the sadpart is...
thats the last word she heard from the guy

and they never get to get along again.
maybe thats just life...
full of pain.
and thats me.
Apr 2014 · 14.8k
Fangirls Life
pam Apr 2014
because of you
i've learned to love my scars
watching you from afar
standing on stage with your guitars
while I'm just here wishing and hoping on a star
that you would finally notice me.
and just grab me in your arms
andwith me, make a memory jar.
i heard your song, the only reason.
right now, i wanna be the reason
why you love the season
and i want to be the reason
why you shine like a beacon.
every time i see your smile
i' stop for a while
and  just stay there and make everything worthwhile
and finally say
hey this guy is the reason why i stay
each and every day.
- PD (my life in a poem)
Apr 2014 · 3.0k
pam Apr 2014
i know that would happen
but i end up tryin
now look, im all in pain.

im like a feather
flying and scattered
anywhere, and everywhere.

i dont know why
but right now all i wanna do is fly
maybe to be free
and maybe to feel and see
what freedom looks like

its funny how i can only write this
when im feeling down like this
and its funny how no one will
ever be able to understand
how i freaking feel.
i just made this up like right now.
Apr 2014 · 4.2k
pam Apr 2014
you said you trust me
but then again
you didnt believe me.

okay fine.
its fine.

i love you.
Apr 2014 · 967
i though you trusted me
pam Apr 2014
my mom told me to explain
so i did, i explained every pain.
everything, but she didnt believe me again.
she said she knows im lying, im insane.

im telling you i was telling the truth.
but no one believed me.

she gave me a second chance
she said explain everything and tell me the truth
i just sat there
not even looking at her
she shouted im only gonna say that once
so i gave her a glance
i didnt bother to speak
for what?
even tho
i'll explain everything, the truth
she still wont believe me.

im over it, cause i said my sorrys
she said her sorrys too.
but still, i felt miserable.
cause *the one who i thought would always believe me
just told me that no one will believe me.
Apr 2014 · 670
no one will believe you
pam Apr 2014
there was once this girl
she loves ice cream twirls
and she loves it when her hair is curled

she loves the color black and red
one day, blood stains shed.
her mom found out
all she could do was pout

her parents told her to explain
explain all the pain.
she explained everything, but again.
no one believed her, no one understand her.

they didnt believe her, no one does.
she cried, and she tried to be strong thus
her parents are mad.
while there she is sad.

she didnt really did it in purpose
she surely said the truth
but still, no one believed her.

and what hurt the most is when her parents told her that
"say anything you want, no one will believe you."
and that girl is me.
Apr 2014 · 927
pam Apr 2014
i feel so happy right now
do you wanna know
the reason?
well, its not about the season.

its about for those person
who send me tons
of messages.

showing care.
your messages make me think that i live in fairytales

because in reality
my life is such a fail.

nobody cares about me
well, no one shows me that they love me.
they make me feel so useless.
thats why im hopeless.

thats why, thankyou for the messages!
i am so grateful!

I love you wonderful.
- PD
Apr 2014 · 473
the girl
pam Apr 2014
She is pretty, but no one will dare look at her.
well some will, but with disgust and later on aghast.
They look at her but they don’t appreciate the beauty she holds.

She is kind, clever, loving gentle, and humble
she’s a girl you always see doing her homework’s
the girl you find sitting in the corner listening to music
the girl who’s always reading this science, and literature books.

She’s the girl you always see smiling, but when you’re away
that smile fades, dissolves… gone.
because behind that smile, is a girl who’s hurting.

and its funny how her smile can hide a million tears.
Mar 2014 · 297
hate that i love you
pam Mar 2014
you can be sweet
then later make a mess

you treat me like ****
but i keep on coming back

i hate that i love you
but one thing is true
no matter how mean you are
i'll always love you

maybe i'll be smarter someday
and just walk away

until that day come
i'll continue to say

i hate the way i love you
Mar 2014 · 2.1k
pam Mar 2014
i used to tell him at 11:11 to make a wish
he used to wake me up by phone calls
and i used to write him a poetry

but now at 11:11
he's never around
and by the time i woke up
he's already gone
and now my poetry that i used to make
is not about happiness anymore

now 11:11
i always forget to wish
i wake up missing him
i hope he writes poetry about me too.
Mar 2014 · 5.0k
pam Mar 2014
dreaming of the day
when i could be me
and you could be you
i'd love myself and be happy too.

my wrist would be clearer
and so is my mind
i would start eating
i wish i could rewind

and maybe my under eyes wouldn't be so blue
it maybe i will have a clue,
but until that day comes

when we're hand in hand
i'll be dreaming of a place

Mar 2014 · 3.1k
happy now?
pam Mar 2014
here you go again
the hurt you've caused me

the pain i felt, the scars you helped me create.
the tears you've made me spill.

has it all been worth it?

why me? why myself?
why did you hurt me?

are you happy now, are you proud?

do you even care if i live or i die?
would you even care?

cause this time its for real
im not gonna lie

todays gonna be the day i'll die.
Mar 2014 · 1.0k
broken glass
pam Mar 2014
i wake up just like every other day
with a fake smile on my face

trying to brighten other peoples day

but at night i hide and cry
with no one knowing im already dry

let me die let me die let me die

pain, pain and more pain collapses above me
waiting to break me apart

just a little more pain
i'll be shattered like
a broken glass.
Mar 2014 · 413
pam Mar 2014
never say i love you
if you dont really care

never talk about feeling
if you dont feel anything

never ever hold my hands
if you're gonna break my heart

never look into my eyes
if you're just gonna lie

never say hi
if you really mean is goodbye

if you really mean forever
then say you will try

never say forever
cause forever makes me cry
Mar 2014 · 1.8k
million tears
pam Mar 2014
don't you know im in tears
cause when i think about losing you, im in fear
but what did you do?
you tore me apart
and never fixed my heart
how could you do that?
just because you can't manage miles
dont you realize im already broken
its like my life is ruin
but what can i do?
i just have to keep smiling
because one smile
can hide a million tears.
Mar 2014 · 1.4k
pam Mar 2014
im drowning

in the waves

that you

Mar 2014 · 361
pam Mar 2014
you asked me
"what's wrong"
i smiled and i said

i turned around and whispered
Mar 2014 · 273
Away from you
pam Mar 2014
im not really running away from you,
infact im slowly walking,
but it kills me seeing you
not caring at all.
Mar 2014 · 730
you're afraid of...
pam Mar 2014
you're afraid of the dark?
no, you're just worried cause you can't see anything.

you're afraid of heights?
no you just don't wanna fall.

you're afraid to show him/her that you love him/her?
no, you just hate rejection.

you're afraid of love?
no, you just hate the fact that sooner or later they'll leave.

you're afraid to let go?
no, you just hate the fact that he is gone.

you're afraid to try again?
no, you're afraid to make the same mistake twice.

you're afraid?
no you are not.
you're doubting, but *you're not afraid.
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