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Feb 2015 · 456
How I softly died
Effy Sky Feb 2015
The first noticeable moment was when I felt the summer sun hit my skin, yet I did not feel its warmth. Instead, I felt something burst inside me like a breaking bone, but without the pain. It went on as if I had lost someone. My mind was off-balance. My body did not understand simple tasks anymore – it wanted release. In the instant I pierced my skin, I immediately felt whole again. I never realized that feeling would be my prey – my dangerously brilliant prey – that I would hunt for the rest of time. I was not drowning or sinking or suffocating – I was floating in a cloud of uncertainty. Suddenly, the beliefs I once knew were true became distant. I was petrified and reluctant to admit it to myself. By this point I was solely surviving but fictitious stories allowed me to conceal my issues. I believed, for a while, that I was good at hiding, until people began to question me. Denying all the accusations was exhausting sense, honestly, I could not care less any longer. I slowly quit speaking. Only unless I was spoken to first did I attempt to have a conversation. It was like I had been in a crowd my whole life then, without knowing, I was abruptly standing alone in overwhelming silence. It was the kind of silence that made you clearly hear your heart beating in your chest. There was no single thing for me to do, saying that I was lost with no hope of discovering a compass. I was finally able to comprehend that that summer day it was my desire to live bursting out of my chest. Now, I feel the pain. Just like a broken bone.
This really just poured out of me and I hadn't proofread it yet but enjoy
Dec 2014 · 1.1k
CATASTROPHE
Effy Sky Dec 2014
IT ******* HURTS. IT ALWAYS ******* HURTS. I AM IN THIS ROOM DRY HEAVING BECAUSE IT ******* HURTS. I TOLD YOU I LOVED YOU THEN I ******* LEFT. I AM ALWAYS LEAVING THE PEOPLE I SHOULDN'T. IT ******* HURTS AND I CAN'T BREATHE BECAUSE I CAN HAVE YOU BUT I DON'T ******* WANT YOU. I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE BIG ******* DISASTER THAT I AM. I WANT MORE FOR YOU THAN I WANT FOR MYSELF. IS THAT LOVE? I ******* LOVE YOU MORE THAN I WILL EVER LOVE MYSELF AND IT ******* HURTS. I AM FULL OF FEELINGS THAT I CAN'T ******* GET OUT. I KEEP ON REPLAYING OUR LAST WORDS TO ONE ANOTHER LIKE A ******* LOVE SONG IN MY HEAD. WE WERE NOT A ******* LOVE SONG AND WE WERE NOT ART AND WE WERE NOT BEAUTIFUL. WHAT WERE WE? WE WERE A ******* CATASTROPHE. WE WERE TRAGEDY. IT ******* HURT WHEN WE COLLIDED. I COLLAPSE IN AGONY BECAUSE THE THOUGHT OF YOU ******* HURTS. I FEEL MY BODY CRUMBLING FROM THE GRIEF LIKE A SOGGY CARD BOARD BOX LEFT IN THE RAIN. IT ******* HURTS SEEING YOUR SMILE SHATTER ON EVERY FLOOR, WALL, DOOR, WINDOW, AND MIRROR IN MY MIND. I AM RIPING MY SKIN TO SHREDS AND WRECKING THIS ROOM BUT THE THING THAT ******* HURTS IS YOU.

IT ******* HURT BEFORE WE CRASHED INTO EACH OTHER.
IT ******* HURT WHEN WE FELL IN LOVE.
AND IT ******* HURTS NOW THAT YOU'RE GONE.

It hurts.
It will always ******* hurt.
this will probably hurt like hell to read.
Nov 2014 · 280
Untitled
Effy Sky Nov 2014
everything seems to be covered in a dark shade of blue
it is like that summer two years ago when it rained for two whole weeks except it has been three years and i do not think summer is ever coming back
under the blue i know something beautiful lays but every attempt to dry off is a failure
i remember the 15th day when the rain finally broke and it was as though the sun was relieved to have won the fight
i keep waiting for the next year to be different to be free of this dark shade of blue but maybe it has always been there
maybe i was not smart enough to see it
or maybe i find comfort here and pretend that i have never seen any other color
Oct 2014 · 491
a 3:00am storm
Effy Sky Oct 2014
i think the sound of thunder and the sound of a heartbeat are the same
i think the roar of water after you jump in is it screaming to pull you under
i think rain on a tin roof is everyones rough nights in short, drowning, sharp sounds
i think lightening looks a lot like bloodshot shot eyes and sounds like glass hitting the wall
i think people are storms and in a way that it does not matter how different or worse they are from one another because "normal" people would rather see the sun anyways
but i will always like the sound of thunder
Effy Sky Aug 2014
some people make you see the world in a completely different way, even if it seems more horrible it is still beautiful.

some days happiness will flood your life, others depression will dominate it. do not let your emotions rule the way you live and think.

some things are not meant to be known for the simple reason that it would **** your mind.

some places have rich histories and so does the ground you walk on. use this knowledge and stay amongst it.

some reasons make you wonder why beauty is called beauty. those reasons should not keep you up at night.

some promises will be broken, by you and the people you love. i hope you and they realize promises were not meant to be broken.

some where trees are being killed so plant more and let your soul grow faster than they ever could.

some skis have dark and light colors, others have colors that remind you of a certain persons eyes. let the feeling they give you manifest into a lesson and try to learn.

the most important thing i want you to remember:
sometimes you will hate yourself to the point that you want to die. straight and fast will get you to no where. look at the people, look slightly into emotions, look in your mind, look at the ground, look in a mirror, look into promises, look at your soul, and look up at the sky.
you will be surprised at what you find.
rushed
Jun 2014 · 350
late june
Effy Sky Jun 2014
i will take every last day of my hopefully short life with sadness because that's all i have ever known and no one can ever change that about me
i was not made for loving but rather for cutting the pain is not pain because it does not hurt and i never cry
i do not know exactly what is wrong with me and that is the worst part
you can not be helped if you are unaware of the real problem
the morgue will label me suicide
no one ever told me rock bottom was filled with sharp razors and broken glass
if anyone asks about my scars i will show them the remainder of bitter cold mirror under my skin
pointless excuses
i can go 97 and a half hours without sleep but never more than two days without a new mark
a new scar
i am so sorry for my baggy eyes and ****** bed sheets
Mar 2014 · 393
a dead sea
Effy Sky Mar 2014
still as 4am
on a night I actually slept
soundless but loud
a kind of silence that no one's ears should bare

above is an empty, open, breathful space
and
under is a life-filled, pressured tank

you are a lot like the under surface
like the sea
full of life
undiscovered, deep, independent thoughts

I am the above surface
all is dead
nothingness is empty
a black space, my love for darkness

I used to be scared of the dark
in the closet
outside
during a power outage
they were all different

now they are my comfort zone
my favorite places
my shadows

but i'm scared of the sea
I guess because it's a lot like you.
Feb 2014 · 1.3k
passion
Effy Sky Feb 2014
passion is what burns in the back of your throat like breathing in cold air when you speak to the one you love
passion is the way someone's eyes light up from seeing another someone smile for the first time in weeks
passion is what makes you pick up a pen every single day to write about a Dead Sea and the way you are a lot like it
passion in the form of unspoken words
passion in the form of your body language
PASSION IN THE FORM OF ME SLAMING MY POETRY INTO YOUR BLOOD STREAM GIVING YOU THE WORST HIGH YOU'VE NEVER DREADED BUT WILL SOON
PASSION IN THE FORM OF MY WORDS WRITTEN ON THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR VEINS BUT EVERY LETTER ON YOUR INSIDES
PASSION IN THE SICKEST FORM OF ME WISHING YOU'D RIP YOURSELF APART JUST TO FINALLY READ THE WORDS OUT OF ALL 24 "****** BOOKS I ALWAYS WRITE IN"
but finally a passion in the form of me wanting to watch you bleed just for a second so you can see me be the one to stitch you up
Feb 2014 · 17.1k
deforestation
Effy Sky Feb 2014
I think it's crazy that they want me to type an essay over deforestation for a score or practice or to better my writing. That's 60 more minutes I'm wasting of my life. They say that sooner or later everything we do we will do with technology. So here I am now writing this essay that's supposed to be about deforestation and the effects and consequences. We are not discussing the issue. We are sitting in wooden chairs with our computers sitting on our wooden desks surrounded by wooden bookcases. So much irony right? I seem to be the only one to notice anyways.
We come here seven hours a day, do hours of homework, "study" the information, aka memorize regurgitate then forget all of it. This is not teaching us. We are not learning anything useful to help us live. It's all numbers and words that do not matter to me.
If anyone thinks that all us kids come to school to learn they're wrong and if they think that the teachers come to teach they're even more wrong. We come to pass class after class so we can leave and actually make something of ourselves. The teachers come because they have to for the money. They do not care about us or our feelings. They put all this pressure on us to be the best we can be which really means make a good grade.
I've been silent for so long now. Not expressing my feelings towards much of anything. Also toward the reason I have to wake up at five every morning to be around people I do not even like.
I feel as though the education system is unfair and cruel and does not take into consideration what the kids who go through this cycle everyday think.
So that's what I think about deforestation.
This is what I wrote on my writing assessment that was sent into the state. Many other students also wrote expressing their thoughts about the education system. This was a really big step for me to began and I hope others can relate.
Feb 2014 · 314
Untitled
Effy Sky Feb 2014
demand
thirst
ache
passion
urge
infatuation
frenzy
weakness
these­ same words always come to mind
when I hear your name
wordstodescridehiwyoumakemefeel
Feb 2014 · 332
sweet innocence
Effy Sky Feb 2014
mostly
i think about the old me
innocent me
and how nice it was to be free of sin
but now my hands are no longer clean
and my body no longer pure
ironically
i never wish to be that girl
i only think about her opinion
and how she would react if she was existent
if she could be here and see
see my scars
see the drugs
see the old me gone
i believe she would be disappointed
the confessions of a sleep deprived teenager in the form of poetic justice which shall never be served
Feb 2014 · 280
1 am thoughts
Effy Sky Feb 2014
thoughts
all tied into a pretty little bow
labeled sadness
a thought you heard when you were seven
about the woman who stepped into oncoming traffic
it was a slick night but mother still called it suicide
you were left wondering how someone could ever be so unhappy
now seven years later
half the age you used to be
you understand

— The End —