He still walks past me, acting like nothing happened.
His friends don’t understand why he was such a ****.
He used to be so nice, looking over at me and hoping I didn’t notice his glance,
But I did, I fell into his trap.
He made me feel wanted, like someone actually cared about me.
I still count the days from when he apologized the first time.
He said he was sorry, that he truly wouldn’t do it again.
I thought that I could trust him,
I told almost him all the **** that went on in my life.
That didn’t change anything.
But it was my fault,
I loved the attention, I was going to get rid of him.
Like a toy that I was bored of.
I treated him like he was nothing.
Once I tried to cut him out of my life, immediately,
I regretted it, thinking I made one of the worst decisions in my life.
As I was about to turn back on my choice,
he began to call me a **** because I left before he did.
I never felt so betrayed in my life.
Is that how he felt? or did he never actually care?
I told him how I was sorry, and asked him why he stabbed me in the back.
He said he didn’t, which in his language means I wasn’t meant to find out.
He made me feel confused, like I didn’t know anything.
We tried again, starting over like nothing ever happened.
He said it wouldn’t happen again, that he felt horrible for the things he “didn’t do”
We talked for the first three new days.
It was amazing, for the first three new days.
After that it went back to the way it was before.
I ignored it not wanting to make the same mistake I did before.
He started to notice someone else,
Someone shorter, prettier, skinnier.
I tried to lose weight to gain his affection.
I didn’t eat as much as I did.
My plan did work, I got skinnier, maybe too skinny.
But I thought it was what I had to do to keep him.
It didn’t help anything, it just caused me pain.
But I hid it from him, everything, I hid.
But all that did was draw him farther and farther away.
My best friend, slipping out of my reach and I couldn’t do anything about it.
The person I told everything to, leaving me for someone else.
But I understood.
But he just cut me off.
He treated me like a stranger.
I couldn’t handle it anymore.
I tried to talk to him about it. He wouldn’t listen.
He would push me to the side.
Leaving me to wonder what was wrong with me.
All my other friends said not to worry about him,
that he was just another boy coming and going.
But he wasn’t just a boy I liked,
He was my best friend too,
And I lost him in a matter of days.
I would give so much just to get our friendship back.
He wasn’t just my crush, I had to keep telling myself.
My friends didn’t understand that he was more than a ******* guy.
He was just,
so much more,
and even though sometimes he hurt me,
I still love him.