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Carli Gugino Jan 2019
He still walks past me, acting like nothing happened.
His friends don’t understand why he was such a ****.
He used to be so nice, looking over at me and hoping I didn’t notice his glance,
But I did, I fell into his trap.
He made me feel wanted, like someone actually cared about me.
I still count the days from when he apologized the first time.
He said he was sorry, that he truly wouldn’t do it again.
I thought that I could trust him,
I told almost him all the **** that went on in my life.
That didn’t change anything.
But it was my fault,
I loved the attention, I was going to get rid of him.
Like a toy that I was bored of.
I treated him like he was nothing.
Once I tried to cut him out of my life, immediately,
I regretted it, thinking I made one of the worst decisions in my life.
As I was about to turn back on my choice,
he began to call me a **** because I left before he did.
I never felt so betrayed in my life.
Is that how he felt? or did he never actually care?

I told him how I was sorry, and asked him why he stabbed me in the back.
He said he didn’t, which in his language means I wasn’t meant to find out.
He made me feel confused, like I didn’t know anything.
We tried again, starting over like nothing ever happened.
He said it wouldn’t happen again, that he felt horrible for the things he “didn’t do”
We talked for the first three new days.
It was amazing, for the first three new days.
After that it went back to the way it was before.
I ignored it not wanting to make the same mistake I did before.
He started to notice someone else,
Someone shorter, prettier, skinnier.
I tried to lose weight to gain his affection.
I didn’t eat as much as I did.
My plan did work, I got skinnier, maybe too skinny.
But I thought it was what I had to do to keep him.
It didn’t help anything, it just caused me pain.
But I hid it from him, everything, I hid.
But all that did was draw him farther and farther away.
My best friend, slipping out of my reach and I couldn’t do anything about it.
The person I told everything to, leaving me for someone else.
But I understood.

But he just cut me off.
He treated me like a stranger.
I couldn’t handle it anymore.
I tried to talk to him about it. He wouldn’t listen.
He would push me to the side.
Leaving me to wonder what was wrong with me.
All my other friends said not to worry about him,
that he was just another boy coming and going.

But he wasn’t just a boy I liked,
He was my best friend too,
And I lost him in a matter of days.
I would give so much just to get our friendship back.
He wasn’t just my crush, I had to keep telling myself.
My friends didn’t understand that he was more than a ******* guy.
He was just,
so much more,
and even though sometimes he hurt me,
I still love him.
Carli Gugino Nov 2018
Even for all the tears I do not cry,
It doesn't mean I'm not grieving
I was aiming for the stars but
I got shot down and fell back to Earth
Get ur head out of the clouds
I could have made it right
The nightingales sing
To awaken dawn
And the girl in the mirror shows no mercy
Was I always like this
Take my heart and lay me to rest
Free me from the chains that hold my mind
They broken, fragile hands blind me by there beauty
But the harsh cold darkness pulls me over
Sleep now, i'll stay awake
In hopes to wake from this bad dream
I thought only of myself
And my heart was torn in 2
And now i hang by a thread
The stars shine so brightly tonight
I hope u can hear me right now
Frozen tears leave icy streaks down my cheeks
The blizzard tears at my thoughts
The eternal drink is now a poison
The ghouls claw down my throat
But sleep now, i'll stay awake
And hear the ravens sing
Once I touched a rose,
It left trails of blood
I bring it to my lips
And ask for forgiveness
Life is a cliff and i'm on the edge
One more step and i fall
Finding the light that shattered my heart
The missing piece
I'm not the answer
Who is?
Sleep now and i’ll stay awake.

All this time
Yet i can't see the truth
I crack the ice
Screaming till my lungs burst
All these nights i sleep alone
Wondering why i am here
Was i put on this Earth by the heavens above
To survive trauma and play for their
Own sick amusement
Am i a toy
Just to entertain
Who am i
I ponder
Yet to no avail
Sleep now and don't trip the wire
To fall into an empty trap
That was once my heart

Don't wake the demons in the corners
Hide your soul

Play the cord of death and it plays a new song

Sleep now and forever stay silent
For silence is the language of the unworthy.
Carli Gugino Aug 2018
Sometimes I wake,
In the middle of the night.
And I watch the moon.

I'm barely conscious,
But my mind's already racing.

And then I wake in the morning.
And I understand what you mean,
when you say those foul things.

I ask myself what's wrong with me.
I understand why you hate me.
Because now I hate myself too.

You see me laughing,
But I'm silently screaming.

The harsh words run through my head,
a never ending cycle,
and I can't think about anything else.

You judge without knowing,
tell without seeing first.
You think I'm powerless to you,
little do you know.

the scars beneath
the mask you see,
and the creak in my bones,
hide who I want you to see.

Now you seem to be winning,
so I surrender.

Take your thorns
and drag them along my face.
Set fire to my soul.
Freeze my heart so I'm just like you.
Then leave me drowning.

Let the wind rip out my hair,
and torture me once more.
'Till I fall to my knees sobbing.

Leave me with my heart broken,
like so many before.
I'll sew it back up again,
just so you can rip it out more.

Tell me you love me,
then show me that you don't.
Toy in my heart
and leave me in pieces.

Then you walk away
and don't look back.
May we meet again,
sooner or later
I'll see you when the tides have turned
and then
maybe you'll know how it feels
to be the outcast.
Carli Gugino Aug 2018
A perfect day,

Clear skies,

Mild in the shade,

Pleasant warm in the sunlight.

In this community of people,

The usual,

Children shrieking with joy,

But today is not the usual,

A curtain of silence befalls,

This perfect day.

Lulling the children to sleep,

With the soft hushes of the grass,

And the whistling wind.

A harmony of sweet sounds.

Today is different,

Today nature is in-sync with man,

As they both sit in silence.
Carli Gugino Aug 2018
Dazzling mounds of white,

Throwing diamonds,

As the rays of the sun,

Hit it.

Blinding you,

From the beauty.

As you watch,

The cascade of falling snow,

Drift onto your shoulders,

Stealing your breath,

Because you are afraid.

To ruin  the moment,

All in a day's worth
Carli Gugino Aug 2018
A glistening tear falls

Heavily to the ground

Weighted down

By the sorrows


pains of the world

Holding it hostage

Until Mister Sun


Bear it any longer.

He lets go

returning man's sorrows.
Carli Gugino Aug 2018
She sits in the corner and waits

Among the ciaos of family

Just waiting and listening

To the polite gossip running

Through the people


Because she knows

That is she waits long enough

Someone will take her into mind

And a new friendship will be formed.
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