When the clock strikes twelve
in a quarter of an hour,
it shall be your special day
The lady of the hour.

I want to tell you happy birthday
my sweet, pretty flower.
To see you on this special day
I'd do anything in my power.

I want to say that I love you
I pray to God you still care
I want to say I miss you so much
There's no one else like you anywhere.

I want to say that I'm sorry
I never meant to push you away
We used to fight sometimes
It hurt a lot sometimes
But I still want you back anyway

I think about you every day
There must have been a better way
I need you right now more than ever
Please tell me this silence won't be forever

I'm not sure if the sun came up
I haven't seen it shine
There's something wrong, I think I'm stuck
I'm running out of time

I'm not sure if I'm still awake
I think I might have drowned
There's nothing here, it feels so fake
I think I'm falling down

Loneliness.
Just my shadow sits beside me.
Monotonous.
Not even the birds, nor the bees.

Uncertainty.
I don't think I'll ever change.
Insanity.
My God, I'm so deranged.

I need something to keep me sane
I don't know what it is
I just know I am not the same
Such a shame it is.

I think I dropped my feelings
in this well of murky black
I hope someone can help me find them
before I have a heart attack.

Outside, it's cold as ice
But I can feel the blistering heat around my neck.
The burning grip, I can't escape
leaving me mutilated as I cease to breathe

These are the hands of a murderer
inhuman and inanimate
I thrash through the embers
in attempt to escape
the vicegrip that leaves me bleeding,
gasping,
burning amongst the flames

I am a brutalized, bleeding corpse.
Pain and indifference drips onto the floor
with every worthless step that I take
The demons have stabbed me repeatedly
I've lost every drop of humanity I had

Everything I've ever loved has been destroyed
This is not what was meant to be
It's me and my demons, and I've just lost it
Someone's going down, and it's not me

Today I will tear the hands of my demons from my brutalized, mutilated face
I will pull the devil's crushing deathgrip
from my lifeless corpse.

I shall watch the blood pour from his body,
Listen to his bones begin to shatter,
and the screeching sound of his
inhuman, brutal wretching
like the squeals of a pig.

I'll set him ablaze and watch him burn.

The devil's vice-grip hands couldn't hold me down.
I'm ready to start my mission.
I'll tie my demons to a tree
and do unto them what they've done to me

I'll tighten these chains around their neck,
Just like they tried to do to me.
I'll watch them suffer, struggle to breathe
Then I'll tighten these chains some more.

and when they think they've reached the end
I'll stab them with knives a hundred times.
Soak them in gasoline, light the match
I'll watch the flesh fall off their burning bodies.

And I'll do it with a smile on my face.

This job will not be done
until each and every one is wholly
unrecognizable,
Skulls shattered into a million pieces,
Bodies thrashed, cut up and burned

They thought they were certainly
stronger than me.
But they would soon meet their demise.
I put a bullet in all their heads
and they all hit the ground, dead.

They should have listened to what I said.
Should have ****** with someone else instead.
I put bullets in all their heads.
Now they're all ******* dead.

Do you lie awake at night
wondering
about when the pain will go away
and when you'll see a better day?

Have you ever thought
maybe you just aren't good enough
and you're bound to live the rest of your days
depressed and distraught?

Did you ever say
this is just too much
when you hit rock bottom
and didn't know how long you'd stay?

This is a message from me to you
Don't forget that you are you
and of all who roam this world
there are none the same as you

Don't ever think for a second
you don't matter, or you aren't good enough
Your mere existence is something special
There's more to this than you can see

If you've been hoping for someone to tell you
I hope I can make my message clear
Set the blade down, please don't disappear
The world wouldn't be the same
if you weren't here

It's not much, but
I hope this is what you needed to hear
I know you're stronger than what you fear

Here I present to you
A single deck of cards.

I cannot tell you
which card is on top
nor the second, nor third.

But if we flip one over,
One by one,
And stack them into a new deck,
soon we will know the face
of every single card.

So let's take some time to wander
through these dark, dreary places
And we'll sift through these cards,
Jacks, Queens, Kings, Aces.

These are not human beings
flourishing amidst their modern backdrop
of screens and social media
and likes and retweets and the like

These are not smiling faces
aboard the train on their daily commute
heading to the job they hate
so they can come home to the family
who doesn't love them

These are not happy marriages
packed with love and affection,
But more like a failure
just a worthless, shattered piece of glass
that we grind beneath our shoes on the floor

These are caffeine and adderall-driven bodies
holding guns to their heads
as they **** down a coffee
right after getting no sleep for the millionth night in a row
so they can go to work and contribute to society

Society that is cutting-edge
Society that is the greatest yet
Society like a train with broken brakes
Humans like robots

These are silhouettes
with their souls ripped out of them
These are dead bodies
murdered

A Friday night.
A slippery street.
A man, intoxicated.
Sitting in the driver's seat.

A family.
A man and his wife.
A young child.
Worthy of life.

A young adolescent.
A night with a loved one.
Never thought for a moment
It might be the last one.

A poor decision.
A light turned red.
A delayed reaction.
Head-on collision.

A first responder.
A face, bleach white.
A shirt stained red
They've lost their fight.

A stretcher in an ambulance.
A paramedic on the call.
A dreaded flat line.
They've tried and lost them all.

A police officer
On the phone, against the wall.
"Hello, this is the police.
I'm really sorry I have to make this call."

A funeral for a family
Every casket closed.
Everyone is asking why.
They never got to say goodbye.

A female kneeling at the grave
looking down with bloodshot eyes
"I love you and I want you back,
I hope you hear me from the sky"

That poor decision was a choice
You said it wasn't worth catching a ride
And you can't ever take it back now
These are families torn apart and dead inside

I planted a seed
I watched it grow.
I watered it daily
I loved it so.

Every morning I opened my eyes
So I could admire you.
And you used to look back at me
and you admired me too.

But I looked to the horizon,
and I saw death in the sky.
Then, the storm took you away from me
and I couldn't understand why.

It's been a long time
since I lost my sweet, pretty flower
Sometimes I want to plant a new one
But I don't think it will grow.

Sometimes I feel like I've already planted one
Other times I feel like I never did.
Maybe I planted it but never watered it.
I don't really know.

I want to ask you to be my sweet, pretty flower
But I think I forgot how.

Imagine if these words meant nothing.
This is a blank page.
A string of letters is not a word if it is meaningless
There's hardly reason to read on.

This road is a dead end.
There's nowhere left to go.
I don't remember what it means to feel.
Happiness doesn't exist if emotion isn't real.

A world of color hardly exists in the dark.
A stagnant river could **** you.
Love isn't real if emotion doesn't exist.
I checked my pulse and I felt nothing.

I saw you break down
sitting on the ground
saying what's the point of life
if there is no you and I

I saw you look into my eyes
and you told me you want to die
Said there was no way to be happy
if we were breaking these loving ties

I tried to make you feel alright
Tried to tell you it'd be fine
But I can't stop your tears from falling
For the very first time

I never thought it'd come to this
and I thought we'd be just fine
But things just aren't the same anymore
For the very first time

I remember
when you used to tell me
that I was the one who saved your life
and made you feel alright

I remember
the way we would have such fun
Laughing and enjoying life for
what it should be

I remember
when things were different
Life was so much easier
and friendships never crumbled

Now I'm a zombie walking, hardly human
I've hiked across the no man's land
and I've caught all the bullets
for you and those I love

But today it is different
I recognized the gunner
The finger on the trigger
Is one that belongs to you

After all these years of loving you
I thought that this would be painful
and I heard the blast and felt the shot
but the pain was nonexistent

I can only take so many shots
and still feel the pain behind them
I've walked this road so long,
One more shot is ******* nothing

One more day is fading away
as we ride this bus to the city
The storm is coming nearer now
And your bliss will turn to tears

We've almost reached our destination
Countless parachutes in the sky
These mosquitoes are swarming
before your eyes,
Just a moment's time til someone dies

The skies are getting darker now
Not a shard of light in this room
You'd better make good choices now
Or meet your impending doom

I hear your steps from the other room
And I'm already locked and loaded
You'd better get on running now
Or I'll destroy what's left of you

I walk upstairs to higher ground
and hear your cowardly whines,
I look in the eyes of my colleague
And said don't move, this **** is mine

I've made my way to my snipers' nest
and my eyes are set to ****
I've got my sights on your head right now
To pull the trigger, you know I will

Who is the angel
Who found you living lifeless
The angel that never seems to break
The angel that stands beside you

Who is the angel
Who gives you life
and always wipes your tears?
The angel that sews your broken heart
The angel that fights your fears

The strongest bridges appear unbreakable
But they withstand the greatest stress
and bulletproof glass will take the shots
But only just so many,
and you might not see it coming
but it will break when it is bombed

The angel will always take your chains
And rest them on their shoulders
They'll smile at you when you're okay
And tell you not to worry

But don't forget, the angel is human too
Despite their amazing strength,
and even though they never cry
Their eyes mask the blood of warzones

The angel will always take your chains
Even when they cannot hold them
And the angel will do so until they break,
so that you can always smile

So go find the angel that never cries
Hug them, and say I love you
And you could be the angel
when the bulletproof is bombed

When I was a shattered piece of glass
You picked me up and glued me back Together again.

When I was a bleeding heart
You smiled at me and taught me how to
Love again.

When I was a mindless, robotic zombie
You hugged me and made me feel
Human again.

And when I was a rotting corpse, dying
You loved me and made me want to
Live again.

is this what it seems like
or is my vision only blurred?
we take a step away from each other
with every painful, stinging word

they say May showers bring April flowers
but there's no sign of life still here
at night I lie awake for hours
the end of us is what I fear

I thought this bleeding heart was invincible
but right now I'm feeling shattered
I think my veins are running empty
you were all that ever mattered

my monsters are silent
no one hears my screams
these demons are violent
and they conquer me in teams

look into my eyes,
my synthetic smile,
I'll hide what underlies,
crying's not my style

Through the thick I drag these chains
chronic mental pains
Over me my demons reign
misery my veins contain

Through the dust I try to see
the lifeless creature that is me
I'll set fire to these trees
and my life, I will seize

I used to live a life of color, saturated in love
Every day I'd thank God up above
But all that color has since drained from my veins
And I'll continue on carrying these chains

At first all I could see was the color red
The only feeling I knew was the pain in my head
But now I just live in a world black and white
Hoping that someday I'll defeat this plight

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever feel again
Sometimes I wish I never did
Life wouldn't seem so bland if I didn't know what color felt like

But I've done some thinking
There's only so far to the bottom when you're sinking
I've already touched the sand
and life doesn't have to be so bland

I've picked up the brush,
now it's time to paint the sky

Every day, like clockwork
I sit at my desk
with a pencil, paper, and calculator
and I strive to become a better version of
me

I wouldn't expect you to be like me
constantly thinking, working, and calculating
like a self-sufficient machine
that does not stop to breathe

But as every day turned to night
and I sat at my desk
restless,
unlike ever before
I didn't feel like you were there.

The sun would rise and I'm still grinding
This seat will be warm for fifty hours
before my day will fade to
black.

I'd invite you over for lunch
so that I could get a chance to talk to you
and let you know how much I love you
and that even in this life that I'm living
I will never forget about you

But every day, you'd go away
and run into the arms of
intoxication
and with every hit you took
the girl that I knew slowly faded away
like a watercolor painting in the rain.

And as time goes by
I realized that as I work like a robot
I'm still only human
I only have so much energy
and I can't keep doing this anymore

With every hour that goes by
I see that my brain is failing me
and what should be an easy task
has now been rendered impossible.
I'm losing my mind.

And all the while,
as I frantically try to learn with maximum efficiency,
Still in the back of my mind I think about you.
But they aren't happy thoughts anymore
I just think about what you were and what you are

How am I supposed to be
everything that they want me to be?
How could I be a machine
and a loving human simultaneously?
How could this be the way to happiness
when I'm dragging on rock bottom?

How could you sit there and watch me die
and come back in the morning to yell at me?
How could you go away and get high every day
and then come back and lie to me?
and how could I let it all happen?

Every single time I wake up
after a rare period of slumber
I think to myself
I can't wait to be unconscious again
when I cannot think or feel

If I want to be the best version of me
I have to cut the anchor
The anchor that has held me down,
the anchor that is
you

Breathe in
I open my eyes. I get out of bed
all these negative thoughts consume me
and they take control of my mind before I can even
Breathe out.

Stand up
The day has started and everything's so algorithmic
Everywhere I look, every thought that I think
consists entirely of numbers.

Sit down
Like a machine I begin my daily grind.
Alarms every thirty minutes leave me shellshocked
the clock keeps ticking
and I can't relax at all

But let me make it known
that if you were never around
when I was a heartless zombie
a robot with tunnel vision and no feelings
even now I would be nothing more

I know I don't talk about it much
but the truth is, I'm fascinated by you
and the way you make me feel human again
Your smile is like CPR to me
and the sound of your voice leaves me breathless

When I jumped into the ocean and sank too deep
the sun didn't shine anymore
and which way was up was anyone's guess
But you gave me a sense of direction
and I've finally reached the surface again

There's not a single day I don't think about you
and how perfect of a human being you are
I swear you're an angel, heaven-sent by God
because I don't know what I'd do
if I never got to know someone like you

For everything that you've ever done for me
there's nothing I could do to repay you
But there is one thing that's a promise
I will always love you with everything in me
I love you so much