reading through old bits of writings
i knew would never amount to anything
and oh, what angst

I lose myself to the wind again, blown apart like a dandelion wasted on a wish, and I wonder if you're trying to paint with all my colors

i punched the
elephant in the room
square in the face
square. in. the. face.
with all the force
i could muster
from the raw vulnerability
that pulsed through my veins

and the elephant looked
right into my eyes
baby blues with a blooming iris
freeing the seeds of thought
that had lay dormant within

yes, that elephant looked
right into my eyes
and laughed.

                                       laughed

and with its
seven foot long trunk
it ****** out
e
  v
     e r
           y   l
                  as
                       t
                                  d
                            ­          r
                                               o
                                                        p

    ­                                       of feeling
                                    emotion
             ­                passion

and left me empty.

but hey, at least the elephant left.

i'm going to spill over one day
and i won't be able to stop it

it'll all come pouring out
down to the very last drop
forming a pool of pent up emotions
surrounding us and
soaking our sneakers

and as soon as the last drop falls
i'll freak out and
run for paper towels

but it won't be enough
because it all poured out
and you soaked it in
and that'll be it

i'll be
         e
                 m           p
                                           t
                                                            y.
­
And i'll never know until it happens
whether you'll fill me back up
or walk away from the mess

part of me wants to know which
and the other part of me doesn't want to be left empty.

I want to be with you.

Plain and simple.

I feel it all the time
The need to tell you about my day
Or ask you about yours

It's not even that I have much to say, it's just that I want you beside me while I'm studying or when I'm cooking dinner
And especially when I wake in the morning
Because just your presence
Makes everything better
Makes everything okay

not being together is the only thing that doesn't make sense anymore.

could you just be with me?
And make it all make sense
Because if we don't end up together, I don't know what to make of sense.
What of sense.
What.

I don't think I can turn around from here.
Please don't make me turn around.

the smile that spread
across my face when
I received your text
makes me nervous

and the happy dance
I did when you
asked me to lunch
alarms me

*i don't wanna crash again