nights like this
i'm tempted to grab a bottle
and tell myself, "just a little".
my mind wants an anesthesia for itself
so that i can forget whatever
is pouring over me right now.
and i,
i want to too.
i'm so allured to the feeling
of getting to sleep without knowing
and without feeling a thing in the world.
i want to know i wont wake up like feeling this
or that i'd have an excuse to wake up late
and miss it all.
but i can't do that, or at least
some part of my heart knows
i'll shatter myself if i do.
i'd drown in regret,
regret for my old promises and
regret for how i'm destroying myself
all over again.
May 17
May 17, 2026 at 10:08 PM UTC
nights like this
i'm tempted to grab a bottle
and tell myself, "just a little".
my mind wants an anesthesia for itself
so that i can forget whatever
is pouring over me right now.
and i,
i want to too.
i'm so allured to the feeling
of getting to sleep without knowing
and without feeling a thing in the world.
i want to know i wont wake up like feeling this
or that i'd have an excuse to wake up late
and miss it all.
but i can't do that, or at least
some part of my heart knows
i'll shatter myself if i do.
i'd drown in regret,
regret for my old promises and
regret for how i'm destroying myself
all over again.
i used to sneak my mom's car to the closest grocery store and get the cheapest drink i could find. i think it was usually smth like svedka bc it looked closest to a water bottle.
*** i cant exams r actually so stressful rn but i dont wanna go back to my old habits.
uhm lore
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