remember last attempt?

giarose Poems

remember last attempt I hurt just as many people as I hurt now char, Pluto, karoshi, emi, lemon, everyone I didn't want them to know but serp told them all I remember that night so well I just went to the wishbone pajama tour red ribbons in my hair, smile on my face, glitter on my skin you would never had guessed that would be the night id do it I held the pills in my hand the same ones I took just a few days ago I should've known it wouldn't work because why did I hurt them all so deeply? they made a group chat for my memorial they panicked and panicked and I came back like a ******* terrible person I was a thorny rose that's for sure I made them bleed and cry and joining the call they looked at me with tears in their eyes "koala are you okay?" she cried and god I've never seen karoshi cry in my life "why didnt you tell us?" I just sat there I didn't want to tell them because I didn't want to hurt them "you didn't even write us notes or anything" I knew they weren't trying to make me feel bad but why did I feel like I was carrying the weight of all of them lemon told me how disgusting the group chat was how they shouldn't have assumed emi, emi didn't know how to react because how could your girlfriend just commit last night and not tell you? with no goodbye? I was a terrible person and I still am waking up the next day alive hoping maybe I'd be in a coffin instead do you remember last attempt? cause I do worrying around 60 people who didn't even know me realizing around 60 people didn't care until I was actually dead I remember last attempt ribbons in my hair, smile on my face, glitter on my skin saying its fine shaking the pill bottle but we know its not fine since last attempt september 14th 11:38 pm at night when it didn't work.