i don't want to admit this
i'm too scared to say it out loud
so instead, words on paper
is all i can do
i want you. i need you. i love you.
these, you know.
but i feel you don't understand
too long has it been
since i felt a touch
that burned my skin
when you kiss me, i die.
and then i'm reborn
i am so terrified
that you will wander.
you will forget the marks you left
on my skin
my body will no longer pleasure you
that when you speak to me,
you hear nothing buy buzzing
losing you.
i'm terrified.
you hold me, and i wonder
if there's only a matter of time
before your butterfly touch leaves
you grasp my hand
tell me.
over and over
that you'll always be here
your love will never go
i don't mean to laugh. i don't mean to cry.
but these promises have been made
far too many times
i say nothing
but touch you. for all i know,
it's our last night
so foolish, i know.
i thought this would never happen
i had my strongest guard up
no one could break it down
i was ready for nothing
idiot, is what i am
resisting you is like
resisting a natural disaster
i won't ever show this to you.
it wouldn't make sense
so, instead
i will love you like i've never
loved anyone before
i will not think about the pain
i will dig my nails into you
until you beg for mercy
and when i see the blood dripping
from my fingernails
i will lie to you.
and say i have no fears.