If identical twins both bang the same chick,
And she’s knocked up and due in May,
Science throws up its hands really quick
'Cause of Schrödinger’s DNA.
Now both of these dudes stand there in the dock,
Saying "Not me," with the cunningest grin,
The judge pours a whiskey and stares at the clock,
thinking, “Hell, no one here can win.”
Forensics are useless, the experts are spent,
The lawyers double their pay.
Those two get off clean, no support or rent
'Cause of Schrödinger’s DNA.
The bar’s full of cheers as the twins toast their luck,
While the judge rolls his eyes at the mess.
"Two fathers, one baby? Oh, what the ****
This family’s doomed, I guess!"
Come birthdays, Christmas, or Easter along,
The kid spends these days in dismay,
Two fathers, two uncles, but actually none,
'Cause of Schrödinger’s DNA!
DNA can be fun (though not for this kid)
And it can go a ridiculous way,
So far that even the scientists quit,
Except Schrödinger - It would make his day!
Dec 25, 2025
Dec 25, 2025 at 9:27 AM UTC
If identical twins both bang the same chick,
And she’s knocked up and due in May,
Science throws up its hands really quick
'Cause of Schrödinger’s DNA.
Now both of these dudes stand there in the dock,
Saying "Not me," with the cunningest grin,
The judge pours a whiskey and stares at the clock,
thinking, “Hell, no one here can win.”
Forensics are useless, the experts are spent,
The lawyers double their pay.
Those two get off clean, no support or rent
'Cause of Schrödinger’s DNA.
The bar’s full of cheers as the twins toast their luck,
While the judge rolls his eyes at the mess.
"Two fathers, one baby? Oh, what the ****
This family’s doomed, I guess!"
Come birthdays, Christmas, or Easter along,
The kid spends these days in dismay,
Two fathers, two uncles, but actually none,
'Cause of Schrödinger’s DNA!
DNA can be fun (though not for this kid)
And it can go a ridiculous way,
So far that even the scientists quit,
Except Schrödinger - It would make his day!
HA! Actually....
Science can now crack the identical twin paternity riddle - with fancy whole-genome sequencing that hunts down those rare post-birth mutations (or even embryonic ones) unique to each twin. The kid inherits one twin's variant, not the other's and BOOM, daddy identified.
But good luck in court: it costs tens of thousands, needs specialized labs, takes weeks, and judges rarely order it for run-of-the-mill disputes. Schrödinger's DNA still wins!