It's not the distance, it's the darkness. Dark days have always been there, for as long as I remember. And I've been trying to stop calling them a flaw, or part of some disorder, or the consequence of past trauma. I am trying to accept them as part of what makes me whole. Use them to develop the light days. To feel those harder and with a more open heart. I don't want to spend my life waiting to feel less. It's hurtfull to think my emotions are connected to the years I have lived. What if I prefer to never become numb? I just need to find the ones that will not be scared to drown in my depths. The ones that will not try to fix me, but stare in awe at my wholeness. That do not try to shine light on the dark days, nor close the windows when it's bright. I need to find a love, so unconditional, that it'd rather I dissolve into my own darkness than loose myself trying to fix it. I need to find it within myself, within my depths, or turn to dust while searching.