All I was doing
Was talking to my friend
Never going to know
How the day would end
Eating lunch and chatting
That is what was happening
You mumbled some words
That wouldn't stop scratching
Our worlds that falter
Our pasts that cry
Who was at fault here?
Who did what and why?
Those words grabbed my attention
I hearken closer
I am having a bad day
I already want to choke her
Still, she doesn't care
Boasting this is more important
I'm sorry but I have PTSD
That brings me pain and torment
She didn't care how I thought
She wanted to bring it up
Sadly, the one person I needed
Was absent from lunch
The one who brought the light
In the darkest space
Was not in school
All I could do was ache
You mocked me for "missing her"
The reason for having a bad day
Was not that she wasn't here
But because I can't do this today
I didn't want to fight
I never wanted to talk about this
I wanted to stay silent
A topic I must dismiss
Still, it escalated
Even worse than before
You have done this once or twice
Who knows? Maybe even more
Same topic same discussion
Because of what happened in February
I am trying to change from that
Putting that version deep down and buried
You reminded me when you had bad days
Each of them caused by me
I have been changing for months
I am asking you to notice, please
I ask you "am I still a ********* to you?"
You nod your head yes
I start breaking down in tears
Because I know I am trying my very best
There are people I lost trust of
One I gained back
The rest are still staying away
But don't worry I am not mad
I know what I did was stupid
I still don't know why I did it
Maybe I was insane or crazy
Well, it is quite easy to admit
I know I am getting better
All of them knew
All except one
Who couldn't accept how I grew
The same one who does what I do
The one who is a burning star
The same kid who acts like a friend
But actually, leaves you alone and afar
I was so depressed that day
A knife was in my hand
Voices telling me I am done
I must do the command
The blade reflecting the horrors
Of what I did in the past
If I didn't exist back, then
They would be free at last
Still I stayed strong
Because I couldn't risk losing
The people who cared for me
The god who shielded some of the abusing
I may have cut myself a bit
Now not only my wounds are bleeding
But my memories are too
It is causing me confusion and misleading
The day after, we went to the councilor
Two neutrals and two opposers
My friend explained what happened
How we both became composers
Of a stirred-up conversation
That a teacher noticed
She saw me sobbing at the table
So she heard me and focused
Things sort of worked out
But you didn't look okay
You looked like you still hated me
Which was fine, we were messed up that day
I didn't want violence
You wanted time
Which I did offer
But you looked at me like I did a crime
At least we got what we needed to say
Nothing much happened after that
Only you stayed quiet
I respected that
I still talked to my friends
Who are also yours
But they didn't bother to listen much
Probably all the lies you told to take detours
I am still wondering why and what I did
My brain is still buffering
But one thing I do know is that
You blame me for my suffering
Apr 24
Apr 24, 2026 at 11:52 PM UTC
All I was doing
Was talking to my friend
Never going to know
How the day would end
Eating lunch and chatting
That is what was happening
You mumbled some words
That wouldn't stop scratching
Our worlds that falter
Our pasts that cry
Who was at fault here?
Who did what and why?
Those words grabbed my attention
I hearken closer
I am having a bad day
I already want to choke her
Still, she doesn't care
Boasting this is more important
I'm sorry but I have PTSD
That brings me pain and torment
She didn't care how I thought
She wanted to bring it up
Sadly, the one person I needed
Was absent from lunch
The one who brought the light
In the darkest space
Was not in school
All I could do was ache
You mocked me for "missing her"
The reason for having a bad day
Was not that she wasn't here
But because I can't do this today
I didn't want to fight
I never wanted to talk about this
I wanted to stay silent
A topic I must dismiss
Still, it escalated
Even worse than before
You have done this once or twice
Who knows? Maybe even more
Same topic same discussion
Because of what happened in February
I am trying to change from that
Putting that version deep down and buried
You reminded me when you had bad days
Each of them caused by me
I have been changing for months
I am asking you to notice, please
I ask you "am I still a ********* to you?"
You nod your head yes
I start breaking down in tears
Because I know I am trying my very best
There are people I lost trust of
One I gained back
The rest are still staying away
But don't worry I am not mad
I know what I did was stupid
I still don't know why I did it
Maybe I was insane or crazy
Well, it is quite easy to admit
I know I am getting better
All of them knew
All except one
Who couldn't accept how I grew
The same one who does what I do
The one who is a burning star
The same kid who acts like a friend
But actually, leaves you alone and afar
I was so depressed that day
A knife was in my hand
Voices telling me I am done
I must do the command
The blade reflecting the horrors
Of what I did in the past
If I didn't exist back, then
They would be free at last
Still I stayed strong
Because I couldn't risk losing
The people who cared for me
The god who shielded some of the abusing
I may have cut myself a bit
Now not only my wounds are bleeding
But my memories are too
It is causing me confusion and misleading
The day after, we went to the councilor
Two neutrals and two opposers
My friend explained what happened
How we both became composers
Of a stirred-up conversation
That a teacher noticed
She saw me sobbing at the table
So she heard me and focused
Things sort of worked out
But you didn't look okay
You looked like you still hated me
Which was fine, we were messed up that day
I didn't want violence
You wanted time
Which I did offer
But you looked at me like I did a crime
At least we got what we needed to say
Nothing much happened after that
Only you stayed quiet
I respected that
I still talked to my friends
Who are also yours
But they didn't bother to listen much
Probably all the lies you told to take detours
I am still wondering why and what I did
My brain is still buffering
But one thing I do know is that
You blame me for my suffering
Leah...Why? Why do you hurt me so much?
