I’m learning how to be a person again.
Four days ago I nearly jumped in front of a car.
This is the fifth time in three weeks that’s happened.
Once I held myself back from jumping in front of a train.
I would hate to be a hassle.
I’ve only been eating toast and shredded wheat cereal.
Two days ago I ate my cereal and then puked it up
twenty minutes later
to feel
control.
I bruised my ribs the same way I always do,
Wrenched out my shoulder the same way I always do,
Lost my hands to stiff pain the same way I always do.
I keep poking at wounds
Because the pain
Is how I know I’m alive.
I’m still deciding if that’s good or bad.
Mar 31, 2020
Mar 31, 2020 at 2:51 AM UTC
I’m learning how to be a person again.
Four days ago I nearly jumped in front of a car.
This is the fifth time in three weeks that’s happened.
Once I held myself back from jumping in front of a train.
I would hate to be a hassle.
I’ve only been eating toast and shredded wheat cereal.
Two days ago I ate my cereal and then puked it up
twenty minutes later
to feel
control.
I bruised my ribs the same way I always do,
Wrenched out my shoulder the same way I always do,
Lost my hands to stiff pain the same way I always do.
I keep poking at wounds
Because the pain
Is how I know I’m alive.
I’m still deciding if that’s good or bad.
i can't bring myself to talk to anyone, so this is just an attempt to understand how i'm coping (or not) with my current situation