Not until today.
I tried to sympathise with friends.
I’ve seen what it does to a person.
I’d heard and read about it.
But you never understand—
not until it happens to you.
I went on a walk today.
At first, I wasn’t even thinking about her.
Then I remembered,
and it hit me all over again—
the rain soaking through my hoodie,
cool drops mixing with the tears
against my skin,
my head swims:
everything we tried to do,
everything I didn’t do,
was it was my fault?
the moment she died,
on repeat,
like a broken record.
I went back home
and lay down
in silence.
Just the rain,
pattering against the window.
Like the night she left.
I can feel it
in my chest—
an absence.
And it hurts,
all the time.
Now it fades
from time to time,
but it’s always there.
I can feel it.
And I know
it will never go away,
because she’ll never come back.
Feb 21
Feb 21, 2026 at 12:45 PM UTC
Not until today.
I tried to sympathise with friends.
I’ve seen what it does to a person.
I’d heard and read about it.
But you never understand—
not until it happens to you.
I went on a walk today.
At first, I wasn’t even thinking about her.
Then I remembered,
and it hit me all over again—
the rain soaking through my hoodie,
cool drops mixing with the tears
against my skin,
my head swims:
everything we tried to do,
everything I didn’t do,
was it was my fault?
the moment she died,
on repeat,
like a broken record.
I went back home
and lay down
in silence.
Just the rain,
pattering against the window.
Like the night she left.
I can feel it
in my chest—
an absence.
And it hurts,
all the time.
Now it fades
from time to time,
but it’s always there.
I can feel it.
And I know
it will never go away,
because she’ll never come back.
