Trying to fall asleep in a room whose windows I can’t open
My legs are tickling with jolts of energy that I’m too tired to put to good use
Or use at all
I’m this room, I waste so many days
Wishing, wondering, longing, yearning for better things
But I’m getting too familiar with this feeling of unsatisfactory living
The disappointing drop in my stomach of what could’ve been is just getting old now
It’s making me mad, how did I let it get this bad?
I’m tired of it, it’s exhausting my drive for life, or for anything really
It’s all I’ve ever known, it’s the only forever that I’m used to
But it’s okay,
“I’m just tired.”
It doesn’t matter what they all say
“You’re beautiful the way you are”
If I don’t feel it myself, there is no point
My body is supposed to be a sanctuary, a place of love and care
But the only thing that I’ve done is slice the walls that holds it together
Feed it what it craves instead of what it needs
Force it to endure emptiness, refusing to give it its necessities
As if that would make anything better
But I swear when I look the way I want to look, I’ll feel so much better
If I don’t feel beautiful, your words mean nothing to me
But it’s okay,
“I’m just tired.”
It’s true, I’m tired to my bones
My mind has been exhausted of feeling this way from long ago
I am 22, but I don’t feel nor look it
I have skin that sags, lines that are wrinkled, and features that I shouldn’t have to worry about
At such a youthful, fruitful age
I’m supposed to be at my prime, I’m supposed to feel free
But I’ve never felt so caged, so afraid to be me
Afraid to step into the spotlight and show myself to everyone I meet
Because maybe there’s a love handle that’s hanging out of my jeans
I don’t need encouragement, I don’t need positivity, I don’t need you to tell me I’m pretty
I need money and independence and drive
That I can’t seem to get because
“I’m just so tired.”
Oct 5, 2017
Oct 5, 2017 at 7:52 AM UTC
Trying to fall asleep in a room whose windows I can’t open
My legs are tickling with jolts of energy that I’m too tired to put to good use
Or use at all
I’m this room, I waste so many days
Wishing, wondering, longing, yearning for better things
But I’m getting too familiar with this feeling of unsatisfactory living
The disappointing drop in my stomach of what could’ve been is just getting old now
It’s making me mad, how did I let it get this bad?
I’m tired of it, it’s exhausting my drive for life, or for anything really
It’s all I’ve ever known, it’s the only forever that I’m used to
But it’s okay,
“I’m just tired.”
It doesn’t matter what they all say
“You’re beautiful the way you are”
If I don’t feel it myself, there is no point
My body is supposed to be a sanctuary, a place of love and care
But the only thing that I’ve done is slice the walls that holds it together
Feed it what it craves instead of what it needs
Force it to endure emptiness, refusing to give it its necessities
As if that would make anything better
But I swear when I look the way I want to look, I’ll feel so much better
If I don’t feel beautiful, your words mean nothing to me
But it’s okay,
“I’m just tired.”
It’s true, I’m tired to my bones
My mind has been exhausted of feeling this way from long ago
I am 22, but I don’t feel nor look it
I have skin that sags, lines that are wrinkled, and features that I shouldn’t have to worry about
At such a youthful, fruitful age
I’m supposed to be at my prime, I’m supposed to feel free
But I’ve never felt so caged, so afraid to be me
Afraid to step into the spotlight and show myself to everyone I meet
Because maybe there’s a love handle that’s hanging out of my jeans
I don’t need encouragement, I don’t need positivity, I don’t need you to tell me I’m pretty
I need money and independence and drive
That I can’t seem to get because
“I’m just so tired.”
I am tired.
