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aaryaPoems
I just feel so limited It's 11 pm and I want to go for a drive But my parents just won't take me I want to go for a drive at 11pm In my france france france sweatshirt, hair loose and all and I want to stick my head out of the window And I want to feel the cold air pass me by and go through my bones And I want my hair to fly in the **** wind and I want to listen to mainstream music and some feel good music And I want the sky to be pitch black, with stars And I want to pass trees and solely trees and smell the leaves and the pine cones and I want to see the city from down below, as the street lights light up the town in golden arrays And pass a restaurant with some music Maybe even some random people loitering in a corner of a smoke shop with purple lights and cigarette smoke crowding everywhere And I want to just look at them And think about them And what they did to get there And I want to see a couple holding their hands and walking down the street Even though its 11 pm And I hope they're just happy And I want to hold my dads big warm hand while I do all of these things Because I got shotgun And I want my brother to sit quietly in the back, and my dad to hum some Indian song While I do all of these things And I want to go to an aquarium and stare at jellyfish Lavender jellyfish and bright electric blue jellyfish And pink and orange jellyfish And I want to smell the AIR And I want more of me to grow than the part in my brain that controls calculus and SAT I want to grow physically and mentally and spiritually There's a whole world out there A whole WORLD! And I'm in my room My mother is in the kitchen thinking I'm doing SAT, and my dad is working and stressing over his job, and my brother is in his room writing his first interactive program and I'm in my room, knowing i'm supposed to be doing SAT, but all I can think about is how there's a whole messy majestic gigantic WORLD out there And I am sitting here doing calculus and SAT And it seems like its all for nothing For only myself And I know I'm not necessarily supposed to be this altruistic human being I'm supposed to want things for myself I'm supposed to be selfish in how I study and where I put my time but thats just not enough for me I want to spend all day planting poppies and sunflowers And in the night I just want to stare into infinity at the sky And I want to cut my hair shoulder length, dye the bottom blue, get another piercing, decorate my hands with henna, and walk around in vintage crop tops and flowy pants and matte black michael kors sandals And I want to stop watching TV and going on facebook and having superficial banter and disgusting small talk And I want to do yoga for the right reasons Because yoga is the journey of the self, through the self, to the self, and I don’t want to do it solely because I want nice arms or a bendy back or a nice **** I mean even though its okay to want those things but I just want more I want everything to be just raw and I want people to expose themselves and I want to expose myself and I want my parents to just LISTEN to what I want And recognize the fact that this is the third night in the row that their daughter has outwardly displayed to them that there's chaos in her mind because she just can't handle doing and being absolutely nothing anymore And I want to read about human rights and global warming and how when a chef is cooking for a ton of people, he uses utensils to remind himself what to do next and I want to read about forensics and how mass spectrography and chromatography help detect if someone is poisoned or not And I really don't want to do SAT Not because its hard or boring, or even because it seems useless but because it just seems so ******* useless and irrelevant And I want to stop living the life I want to live on a **** website Because its opened my mind so much but I want to SEE sunflowers instead of looking at pictures of them and I want to SEE elephants and kittens instead of just looking at them and I want to feel a connection with a human being rather than just imagining what it would be like and I don't mean romantic relationships, no But I just want to stop being so ignorant And I want to know everything And really all I want to go is forget that I have to study tomorrow I just want to go on a car ride And stick my head out of the window, like a dog Because I am happy, like a dog Just why am I LIMITING myself? For what??? I want to talk to people I want them to teach me something Because people are nature Tamille Some people are delicate flowers Some people are raging thunderstorms Some people are disarrayed forests Some will leave me breathless, some will knock me down And some will be gardens and some will be SUNSETS and I want them all to teach me something And I want to speak my mind and look HIM whoever he may be In the eye and and I want to stop being so small And I may be insignificant but I'm an infinity Because all galaxies are infinite I read that there are as many atoms in a single molecule of DNA as there are stars in a typical galaxy each of us are our own UNIVERSE And thats why we burn too brightly sometimes and thats why we collide sometimes and thats why we collapse inwards sometimes and thats why we explode sometimes and start anew And I want my soul to project outwards I want whatever of me that is trapped in my bones to just spill out And I want someone to feel all the love and happiness I have in me from across the room And I want to stop being so closed up and insecure and timid I think you're a towering mountain Tamille Or thunder I wouldn't say you're lightning But I'd say my mom is a delicate flower and my dad is a powerful river and my brother is a colorful sky and I want to be a forest I just want to stick my head out of a car window, like a happy dog Because I am happy I don't want to be young and scared even though I know its okay to be scared But I want to stop swallowing my words and stop being so paralyzed Because I can do whatever I want I must set fire to my old self I must start anew. Why am I so scared for WHAT For what Okay so what do I do now I think saying all that was a good start Here's whats not going to happen I'm not going to wake up late tomorrow or not too late And I'll go for a walk To the pecks And I'll play with the chickens And I'll read with the chickens I'm just burning right now And now it seems silly to sleep Tamille, when I come to LA for winter break We will go out on drives at 11pm, even 2 am For the sake of living And we will walk alongside the beach at preposterous hours of the day Simply for the sake of living And we won't be phonies Because thats silly And we must try not to be phonies Just for the sake of living But of course I can't just be this spontaneous extemporaneous person online I need to be like that Offline more than anything because I just need to talk to people more And I need to see the jellyfish and I watch them with their tentacles floating upwards and downwards and just there in what is to them, an abyss Maybe we're like jellyfish in an abyss Like how humans just watch jellyfish in containers Maybe we're the jellyfish I need to be a good memory to people Because we remember more than we think we do So I must try my best to be a positive remembrance I can teach someone something I can teach a random stranger something I can teach my mom something I can teach my 85 year old neighbor something I can teach you something It feels wrong to say all that and then go to bed So I think I'll just walk outside and stare into infinity once more And then ask my dad if we can go on a car ride one more time And then I'll come back in my room and read about global warming Or maybe I'll read about global warming outside Because a child educated only at school, is an uneducated child And I hope you read all this because out of everyone I chose you to tell it to you And i hope your response isn't just "go do all that then" I hope you read all the many messages And now I will log off of facebook I hope you also wake up in the morning and make it a great day Not "hope you have a good day" But rather Make it a great day
0
Oct 1, 2015
Oct 1, 2015 at 6:59 AM UTC
A Late Night Incantation (work in progress)
I just feel so limited It's 11 pm and I want to go for a drive But my parents just won't take me I want to go for a drive at 11pm In my france france france sweatshirt, hair loose and all and I want to stick my head out of the window And I want to feel the cold air pass me by and go through my bones And I want my hair to fly in the **** wind and I want to listen to mainstream music and some feel good music And I want the sky to be pitch black, with stars And I want to pass trees and solely trees and smell the leaves and the pine cones and I want to see the city from down below, as the street lights light up the town in golden arrays And pass a restaurant with some music Maybe even some random people loitering in a corner of a smoke shop with purple lights and cigarette smoke crowding everywhere And I want to just look at them And think about them And what they did to get there And I want to see a couple holding their hands and walking down the street Even though its 11 pm And I hope they're just happy And I want to hold my dads big warm hand while I do all of these things Because I got shotgun And I want my brother to sit quietly in the back, and my dad to hum some Indian song While I do all of these things And I want to go to an aquarium and stare at jellyfish Lavender jellyfish and bright electric blue jellyfish And pink and orange jellyfish And I want to smell the AIR And I want more of me to grow than the part in my brain that controls calculus and SAT I want to grow physically and mentally and spiritually There's a whole world out there A whole WORLD! And I'm in my room My mother is in the kitchen thinking I'm doing SAT, and my dad is working and stressing over his job, and my brother is in his room writing his first interactive program and I'm in my room, knowing i'm supposed to be doing SAT, but all I can think about is how there's a whole messy majestic gigantic WORLD out there And I am sitting here doing calculus and SAT And it seems like its all for nothing For only myself And I know I'm not necessarily supposed to be this altruistic human being I'm supposed to want things for myself I'm supposed to be selfish in how I study and where I put my time but thats just not enough for me I want to spend all day planting poppies and sunflowers And in the night I just want to stare into infinity at the sky And I want to cut my hair shoulder length, dye the bottom blue, get another piercing, decorate my hands with henna, and walk around in vintage crop tops and flowy pants and matte black michael kors sandals And I want to stop watching TV and going on facebook and having superficial banter and disgusting small talk And I want to do yoga for the right reasons Because yoga is the journey of the self, through the self, to the self, and I don’t want to do it solely because I want nice arms or a bendy back or a nice **** I mean even though its okay to want those things but I just want more I want everything to be just raw and I want people to expose themselves and I want to expose myself and I want my parents to just LISTEN to what I want And recognize the fact that this is the third night in the row that their daughter has outwardly displayed to them that there's chaos in her mind because she just can't handle doing and being absolutely nothing anymore And I want to read about human rights and global warming and how when a chef is cooking for a ton of people, he uses utensils to remind himself what to do next and I want to read about forensics and how mass spectrography and chromatography help detect if someone is poisoned or not And I really don't want to do SAT Not because its hard or boring, or even because it seems useless but because it just seems so ******* useless and irrelevant And I want to stop living the life I want to live on a **** website Because its opened my mind so much but I want to SEE sunflowers instead of looking at pictures of them and I want to SEE elephants and kittens instead of just looking at them and I want to feel a connection with a human being rather than just imagining what it would be like and I don't mean romantic relationships, no But I just want to stop being so ignorant And I want to know everything And really all I want to go is forget that I have to study tomorrow I just want to go on a car ride And stick my head out of the window, like a dog Because I am happy, like a dog Just why am I LIMITING myself? For what??? I want to talk to people I want them to teach me something Because people are nature Tamille Some people are delicate flowers Some people are raging thunderstorms Some people are disarrayed forests Some will leave me breathless, some will knock me down And some will be gardens and some will be SUNSETS and I want them all to teach me something And I want to speak my mind and look HIM whoever he may be In the eye and and I want to stop being so small And I may be insignificant but I'm an infinity Because all galaxies are infinite I read that there are as many atoms in a single molecule of DNA as there are stars in a typical galaxy each of us are our own UNIVERSE And thats why we burn too brightly sometimes and thats why we collide sometimes and thats why we collapse inwards sometimes and thats why we explode sometimes and start anew And I want my soul to project outwards I want whatever of me that is trapped in my bones to just spill out And I want someone to feel all the love and happiness I have in me from across the room And I want to stop being so closed up and insecure and timid I think you're a towering mountain Tamille Or thunder I wouldn't say you're lightning But I'd say my mom is a delicate flower and my dad is a powerful river and my brother is a colorful sky and I want to be a forest I just want to stick my head out of a car window, like a happy dog Because I am happy I don't want to be young and scared even though I know its okay to be scared But I want to stop swallowing my words and stop being so paralyzed Because I can do whatever I want I must set fire to my old self I must start anew. Why am I so scared for WHAT For what Okay so what do I do now I think saying all that was a good start Here's whats not going to happen I'm not going to wake up late tomorrow or not too late And I'll go for a walk To the pecks And I'll play with the chickens And I'll read with the chickens I'm just burning right now And now it seems silly to sleep Tamille, when I come to LA for winter break We will go out on drives at 11pm, even 2 am For the sake of living And we will walk alongside the beach at preposterous hours of the day Simply for the sake of living And we won't be phonies Because thats silly And we must try not to be phonies Just for the sake of living But of course I can't just be this spontaneous extemporaneous person online I need to be like that Offline more than anything because I just need to talk to people more And I need to see the jellyfish and I watch them with their tentacles floating upwards and downwards and just there in what is to them, an abyss Maybe we're like jellyfish in an abyss Like how humans just watch jellyfish in containers Maybe we're the jellyfish I need to be a good memory to people Because we remember more than we think we do So I must try my best to be a positive remembrance I can teach someone something I can teach a random stranger something I can teach my mom something I can teach my 85 year old neighbor something I can teach you something It feels wrong to say all that and then go to bed So I think I'll just walk outside and stare into infinity once more And then ask my dad if we can go on a car ride one more time And then I'll come back in my room and read about global warming Or maybe I'll read about global warming outside Because a child educated only at school, is an uneducated child And I hope you read all this because out of everyone I chose you to tell it to you And i hope your response isn't just "go do all that then" I hope you read all the many messages And now I will log off of facebook I hope you also wake up in the morning and make it a great day Not "hope you have a good day" But rather Make it a great day
this is long
#late#nights
Written by
aarya
Oct 1, 2015
Oct 1, 2015 at 6:59 AM UTC
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