I’m drinking a martini
communing with my phone.
I’m in a bad mood
and clearly, I want to be alone.
Peter (my bf) and I came to this fine restaurant on purpose
- when I’m surly, I seek luxury
The deep warm hues of mahogany,
the chandelier facets of Baccarat glassware,
- that turn a martini into a galaxy of glitter -
the whispered, opulent luster of Christofle silver,
and the high-reflective white of 100% Irish linen
sooth me - we’re here about every 28 days.
The cocktail and the atmosphere are starting to work.
Martinis are high gravity and I’m starting to feel the spin.
You can't drown demons with alcohol, they can swim,
but you CAN seek a little anosognosia.
A stock, 30-ish man, thick wavy hair, open collar
and a suit stuffed with overconfidence
is suddenly at my table, lavishing me with
questionable, over-reaching compliments.
Do I appear wanting of some calculated,
and algorithmic pickup line?
Am I just available for anybody?
I respect the hustle,
but my patience is at absolute zero
I can’t just give him an eye roll
I have to say something.
I want to say, “stop [you know] bothering me.”
but I pour on the impulse control.
“I have a boyfriend,” I say,
it’s the simplest sentence I can spare
and after a moment, it works and he leaves.
Seconds later Peter returns
he’d stepped outside for a phone call.
“How YOU DOin’?” he asked in a fake accent.
I shrug, he knows my climate.
I don’t have to pretend anything with him.
“Where are we on the menu?” He tacks.
I answer in the non-sequitur,
“I miss Yale’s creole fish sandwiches
- I was mad about them.”
Peter updoged, “Apple spice ring cakes.”
(a seasonal Yale dining hall favorite)
and we say ‘mmmmm’ in unison.
.
.
A song for this:
A Change Will Do You Good by Sheryl Crow
WAP (Lounge Version) by Richard Cheese [E] [E] [E]
Feb 23
Feb 23, 2026 at 1:09 PM UTC
I’m drinking a martini
communing with my phone.
I’m in a bad mood
and clearly, I want to be alone.
Peter (my bf) and I came to this fine restaurant on purpose
- when I’m surly, I seek luxury
The deep warm hues of mahogany,
the chandelier facets of Baccarat glassware,
- that turn a martini into a galaxy of glitter -
the whispered, opulent luster of Christofle silver,
and the high-reflective white of 100% Irish linen
sooth me - we’re here about every 28 days.
The cocktail and the atmosphere are starting to work.
Martinis are high gravity and I’m starting to feel the spin.
You can't drown demons with alcohol, they can swim,
but you CAN seek a little anosognosia.
A stock, 30-ish man, thick wavy hair, open collar
and a suit stuffed with overconfidence
is suddenly at my table, lavishing me with
questionable, over-reaching compliments.
Do I appear wanting of some calculated,
and algorithmic pickup line?
Am I just available for anybody?
I respect the hustle,
but my patience is at absolute zero
I can’t just give him an eye roll
I have to say something.
I want to say, “stop [you know] bothering me.”
but I pour on the impulse control.
“I have a boyfriend,” I say,
it’s the simplest sentence I can spare
and after a moment, it works and he leaves.
Seconds later Peter returns
he’d stepped outside for a phone call.
“How YOU DOin’?” he asked in a fake accent.
I shrug, he knows my climate.
I don’t have to pretend anything with him.
“Where are we on the menu?” He tacks.
I answer in the non-sequitur,
“I miss Yale’s creole fish sandwiches
- I was mad about them.”
Peter updoged, “Apple spice ring cakes.”
(a seasonal Yale dining hall favorite)
and we say ‘mmmmm’ in unison.
.
.
A song for this:
A Change Will Do You Good by Sheryl Crow
WAP (Lounge Version) by Richard Cheese [E] [E] [E]
[E} = explicit lyrics
About the song WAP (above) - If you listen to RAP music,
you know the lyrics are explicit (direct and funny) trash.
WAP takes typical rap lyrics and puts them in lounge singer
format - where they stand out hilariously.
updoged - to take the comment, dig or joke one step further.
Request permission to use this poem