Inner child

As I go back to my memories

I feel what I see

when I remember

who and what I used to be

A young boy has his dreams

his nightmares

his judgement

and instinct

Feeling his own

right and wrong

suffering and bliss

danger and comfort

sadness and happiness

hate and love

How the days seemed to drag on

as if I were waiting for an end

wanting to get the worst over with

so I may enjoy the best in the end

I felt a little less love

and little more tough

each day seemed to lead to the worst

with all the things I would learn

The kind of people I did not like

the people who beat people

the people who ***** people

the people who neglected people

and the people who let it happen

I can't blame gender

I can't blame age

just people

because we all are

So why does it happen

not just to our skin

but also underneath

where the pain is longer felt

So much happened around me

I could not control

all the pain and misery

I did not want in my world

I just wanted happiness

I wanted love

with all it's warmth and affection

but it seems to cause a lot of pain

I didn't want the drugs

I didn't want the selfishness

I didn't want the neglect

I didn't want the violence

So many promises were made

so many were broken

so little kept

what was the point in the disappointment

I didn't want to ask what's wrong with the world

I think I have seen enough

I wanted to know what's right

and how to change the wrong to right

Because I didn't want to grow up

in a world filled with lust and greed

yet now I feel them both

inside of me

Doing things now the child in me did not like

I feel as if I have disappointed a child

because I have disappointed myself

giving in to wicked temptation

My corruption

is my understanding

feeling pain is more alive

than no pain at all

as if to feel bliss was dead

It always gets worse

and it always gets better

that's how it always is

and always will be

As time goes on

we get creative with suffering

What is given to a child

a child will use to create

who ***** will be

and will never stop

You can find yourself

when you forget

May childhood never end

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