my heart drops continuously
as the voices yell
pathetic, alone, unwanted
ignorant, wasted, inadequate
fat, ugly, unloved
i feel the tide pulling me out again
the first time in a couple of months
and i don't know how to fight it
and i almost don't even want to fight
i want it to win
because wallowing in self hatred is so much easier
than struggling to believe in love
when i haven't felt it in months.