Felt suicidal on the wrong side of suicide,
not wanting to die; but so uncomfortable
being alive. Wearing this human flesh,
I've slept with so many with my eyes peering
it's imaginations of all desires under a dress.
Lustful thoughts always left me so **** depressed.
__I USED TO BE SUICIDAL__
Likewise with liking a girl, never taught
how to truly love. Never focused on the looming
dark backgrounds; as my eyes focused on stars.
I'd shoot them down, with the same gun to **** myself,
wishing it doesn't jam this time. Look closely;
to the burn marks of my tongue, not being just bite scars.
__I USED TO BE SUICIDAL__
I once put a knife to my chest at ten years old,
_"I can take my life at any given,"_ telling myself
casually in bold. Must of been an angel holding that
knife back; before my body went cold.
__I USED TO BE SUICIDAL__
In my teen years; these crazy headaches and
mixing pain killers for the numbing pleasure,
Thinking if I never woke up, it would ease
the echoing ringing of my head's pressure.
I felt the reasoning of being; being alive, being
strong, being present; getting lesser and lesser.
__I USED TO BE SUICIDAL__
Wanting to drive at 120km/h off the road,
either crashing into a wall, or doing a couple rolls,
Losing my vision while driving, or losing the car's
controls. Or bashing into one of the streetlight poles.
__I USED TO BE SUICIDAL__
If maybe the roof fell over my head where I lay,
crossing with an armed thief on an unlucky day,
A drunk driver speeding my way, or a brain
cancer to leave my mind to decay.
__I USED TO BE SUICIDAL__
I've just changed that statement nowadays to:
__I DON'T WANT TO BE SUICIDAL TODAY__
Jun 20, 2022
Jun 20, 2022 at 2:55 PM UTC
Felt suicidal on the wrong side of suicide,
not wanting to die; but so uncomfortable
being alive. Wearing this human flesh,
I've slept with so many with my eyes peering
it's imaginations of all desires under a dress.
Lustful thoughts always left me so **** depressed.
__I USED TO BE SUICIDAL__
Likewise with liking a girl, never taught
how to truly love. Never focused on the looming
dark backgrounds; as my eyes focused on stars.
I'd shoot them down, with the same gun to **** myself,
wishing it doesn't jam this time. Look closely;
to the burn marks of my tongue, not being just bite scars.
__I USED TO BE SUICIDAL__
I once put a knife to my chest at ten years old,
_"I can take my life at any given,"_ telling myself
casually in bold. Must of been an angel holding that
knife back; before my body went cold.
__I USED TO BE SUICIDAL__
In my teen years; these crazy headaches and
mixing pain killers for the numbing pleasure,
Thinking if I never woke up, it would ease
the echoing ringing of my head's pressure.
I felt the reasoning of being; being alive, being
strong, being present; getting lesser and lesser.
__I USED TO BE SUICIDAL__
Wanting to drive at 120km/h off the road,
either crashing into a wall, or doing a couple rolls,
Losing my vision while driving, or losing the car's
controls. Or bashing into one of the streetlight poles.
__I USED TO BE SUICIDAL__
If maybe the roof fell over my head where I lay,
crossing with an armed thief on an unlucky day,
A drunk driver speeding my way, or a brain
cancer to leave my mind to decay.
__I USED TO BE SUICIDAL__
I've just changed that statement nowadays to:
__I DON'T WANT TO BE SUICIDAL TODAY__
Request permission to use this poem