Restless days,
torturous nights.
Thinking.
Always thinking.
Click, click, click,
always clicking over in my head.
Snap to one image,
snap to the holiday you gave me,
snap to the dinners and treats,
you temptingly placed before me.
Fading hopes,
nightmares rising in the daytime.
Thinking.
Always thinking.
Click, click, click,
I confide in you what happened.
Why I’m always cold when
you reach to touch me.
Why I always patiently wait
for you to want to touch me.
Why I always wish to say
something but I hardly whisper instead.
And how it broke us.
Lasting, loving smiles,
darkening gazes and empty silences.
Thinking.
Always thinking.
Click, click, click,
I shared as much as I could.
I gave you whatever was
left over, still mine, not theirs.
You fell for me, I know you did.
Showered me with silken kisses,
steamy nights,
in all my curves
you found something beautiful.
Me on top, you
lulled me with sweet words.
I was like no other.
Fanciful dreams,
a bruised and aching reality.
Thinking.
Always thinking.
Click, click, click,
You made me want you, so badly,
because you believed I was good.
You handed me golden platters of
worth, passion;
I could finally acknowledge the shape
confidence takes.
It walked beside me.
I was foolish to place this charge in you.
Click, click, click,
Snap.
You promised you would always
be there.
You phrased such blissful melodies.
You wanted to be with me through anything.
You said that.
Why did the tide turn?
How do you go on pretending,
deceiving yourself,
when you said those exact words.
I heard you.
I heard you every night onwards.
I don’t believe you wanted to lie to me,
but you did.
You tore those stitches out,
thread by thread.
When you walked away,
leaving me turning to stone
in the freezing night air.
It whipped me, beat me and still
you didn’t look back.
Only now can I go to sleep,
knowing I don’t have to see you
imprinted
behind my eyelids.
I don’t crave you anymore.
Is it the same for you now?