i seek the shadows that comfort me
from the shame of vulnerability.
i can’t feel the sorrow and the grief of loss
under the day’s brightness.
as if the light acts as a dam,
preventing the next great flood from god.
under hecate’s protection, i am cloaked,
hidden from others (and from my own eyes).
when i was young, my parents taught me
that emotions are not for boys.
emotions were like barbies -
and toying with either is an act of shame.
one time i was desperate and needed
the comfort that only parents can provide.
i cried in front of my mother, she stopped me and said,
“i’ll give you something to cry about.”
so i learned to hide under the blankets.
i let it all go - stifling the sobbing whimpers.
afraid to be caught, afraid to be punished,
afraid of another humiliating lecture.
i wrap my arms around my hollowness,
holding the sheets closeby.
alone, finding solace within.
fighting my battles on my own.
here in the darkness, i bathe in my own vulnerability.
gasping for hope in between sobs.
tonight - there will be a baptism.
tomorrow - i will be renewed.
Mar 17, 2025
Mar 17, 2025 at 12:28 PM UTC
i seek the shadows that comfort me
from the shame of vulnerability.
i can’t feel the sorrow and the grief of loss
under the day’s brightness.
as if the light acts as a dam,
preventing the next great flood from god.
under hecate’s protection, i am cloaked,
hidden from others (and from my own eyes).
when i was young, my parents taught me
that emotions are not for boys.
emotions were like barbies -
and toying with either is an act of shame.
one time i was desperate and needed
the comfort that only parents can provide.
i cried in front of my mother, she stopped me and said,
“i’ll give you something to cry about.”
so i learned to hide under the blankets.
i let it all go - stifling the sobbing whimpers.
afraid to be caught, afraid to be punished,
afraid of another humiliating lecture.
i wrap my arms around my hollowness,
holding the sheets closeby.
alone, finding solace within.
fighting my battles on my own.
here in the darkness, i bathe in my own vulnerability.
gasping for hope in between sobs.
tonight - there will be a baptism.
tomorrow - i will be renewed.
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