I wanted a clean break
so I compartmentalized
my friends and his
I didn't fight for you
but I should've
we had picked out your
birthday gift together
I never made the party
the gift was a reminder
of our failure as a couple
it's not a good excuse
but it's the one I have
I put my own feelings of shame
over our friendship
because that was simpler
the truth is, I was scared, too
I've never told anyone that
I'd watch your soccer games
you would run across the field
your body athletic and agile
tall and capable in ways I could
only wish I had been
and I was scared to see you weak
I'll never forget your last media post
two hours before you died
about how you couldn't stop coughing
I regret the birthday gift
you never got to open
Sep 27, 2018
Sep 27, 2018 at 10:52 PM UTC
I wanted a clean break
so I compartmentalized
my friends and his
I didn't fight for you
but I should've
we had picked out your
birthday gift together
I never made the party
the gift was a reminder
of our failure as a couple
it's not a good excuse
but it's the one I have
I put my own feelings of shame
over our friendship
because that was simpler
the truth is, I was scared, too
I've never told anyone that
I'd watch your soccer games
you would run across the field
your body athletic and agile
tall and capable in ways I could
only wish I had been
and I was scared to see you weak
I'll never forget your last media post
two hours before you died
about how you couldn't stop coughing
I regret the birthday gift
you never got to open
This was 13 years ago and I still think about her.