I’ll get dressed in courage like armour too thin,
Smile like a lighthouse, storm raging within.
I’m supposed to be a ‘leader’, measured and clear,
But I shake when I’m triggered, frozen in fear.
I’ve tried every door, knocked softly, then hard,
Redrew all the maps, laid out every card.
“Here is the role, here’s where you belong,”
But refusal stood firm, defiant and strong.
Memories close in when conflict appears,
shouting harsh voices I’ve learned to fear -
“You’re cruel, you’re worthless, they’ll all turn away,
You’re flailing and failing, just let her stay.”
But I’ll try to stand upright, rehearsed and composed,
While something inside me quietly erodes.
I’ll cheer others on, say “You’ve got this, you’re great,”
As my self esteem splinters under the weight.
I hope in a year she’ll look back and see
This ending was space, and not cruelty.
But tonight it’s my burden, my name on the line,
The loneliness of choosing what feels so unkind.
I didn’t choose power; I chose what was right,
Even while trembling, even at night.
I can’t help but be human, cracked, aching, and sore -
A leader who bleeds, yet still opens the door.
Apr 24
Apr 24, 2026 at 7:00 AM UTC
I’ll get dressed in courage like armour too thin,
Smile like a lighthouse, storm raging within.
I’m supposed to be a ‘leader’, measured and clear,
But I shake when I’m triggered, frozen in fear.
I’ve tried every door, knocked softly, then hard,
Redrew all the maps, laid out every card.
“Here is the role, here’s where you belong,”
But refusal stood firm, defiant and strong.
Memories close in when conflict appears,
shouting harsh voices I’ve learned to fear -
“You’re cruel, you’re worthless, they’ll all turn away,
You’re flailing and failing, just let her stay.”
But I’ll try to stand upright, rehearsed and composed,
While something inside me quietly erodes.
I’ll cheer others on, say “You’ve got this, you’re great,”
As my self esteem splinters under the weight.
I hope in a year she’ll look back and see
This ending was space, and not cruelty.
But tonight it’s my burden, my name on the line,
The loneliness of choosing what feels so unkind.
I didn’t choose power; I chose what was right,
Even while trembling, even at night.
I can’t help but be human, cracked, aching, and sore -
A leader who bleeds, yet still opens the door.