Every time I leave the place
I think if it’s the last time mum
If I may not make it back at all
Or you may not desire my return
Every time I cuddle up to you at night
I wonder whether in future the bed would be cold
If my heart would know my soul
If my feet would ever be warm
I wonder if I’d have a place at all
Every time I eat meals with you
I try to cherish every bite, remember the taste
For I may never get the chance
Once you know the waste I am
Every time we talk alone
I put a little of me out for you intensely
But pull back a whole lot in, out of scrutiny
I soften the eventual heartbreak I think
Every moment we drift apart
I tell you I love you
Coz if it’s a goodbye, or the beginning of one for good
We would have some memory
Laced with love, fear, and pain for me
For you, with regret, anger, and love maybe
I wonder how the goodbye would be
Will you still love me
Will you still be proud of me
Will you speak with me, or of me
If not, will you let me off easily
If I live, how good would it be
Every time you caress me dad
I wonder who you think I am
Who the person is you shower your love on
Who the person is you speak of so proudly
Who the person is, instilling doubt in me
Mocking my existence
Questioning my worth every second
Would you love me, no matter the identity
Every time you bring treats for me
I wonder if you would let my love materialize
If I would get my chance to hold you
To be the one to create fragments of joy for you
If I would still be welcomed at your place
If your arms would still be my niche
And not represent the shackles
I sometimes imagine them to be
Does it make me bad, papa
To even imagine you as villain
Far from the hero you used to be
Every time a father and daughter fill my screen
I wonder if we’d have a happy ending
If I would be allowed to love, and to live
Or traditions would eat me up, inch by inch
I wonder how the goodbye would be
If you’ll regret my existence
Or simply forget me
Well you may forgive me
And continue to love me
I hope you stand up for me
When the society stands against me
I hope you still hold your head up high
When there may not seem to be any reason, but me
Proud of the me I will be, the me I am, and the one I used to be
In case you don’t, let the goodbye be gentle
I may still have somewhere to be
Where deafening silence would prevail, of peace and clarity
Occasionally disturbed by small cries of a beautiful destiny
The walls I built around to keep me safe
Don’t promise the things I sometimes crave
I look through the window, the knowns and unknowns
And at times I can feel the life surge closely
The hugs, the smiles, and the experiences go right to my core
Trespassing all the atoms of the bricks, holding promise of more
But I wish nothing breaks these walls
The trade-off of love and safety, I can never knock off
Can’t drop it in favor of love, when I know what it costs
Helpless gamble for me and love
I wonder what the goodbye would be
End of the walls, or endless safety.
Apr 23, 2020
Apr 23, 2020 at 8:37 AM UTC
Every time I leave the place
I think if it’s the last time mum
If I may not make it back at all
Or you may not desire my return
Every time I cuddle up to you at night
I wonder whether in future the bed would be cold
If my heart would know my soul
If my feet would ever be warm
I wonder if I’d have a place at all
Every time I eat meals with you
I try to cherish every bite, remember the taste
For I may never get the chance
Once you know the waste I am
Every time we talk alone
I put a little of me out for you intensely
But pull back a whole lot in, out of scrutiny
I soften the eventual heartbreak I think
Every moment we drift apart
I tell you I love you
Coz if it’s a goodbye, or the beginning of one for good
We would have some memory
Laced with love, fear, and pain for me
For you, with regret, anger, and love maybe
I wonder how the goodbye would be
Will you still love me
Will you still be proud of me
Will you speak with me, or of me
If not, will you let me off easily
If I live, how good would it be
Every time you caress me dad
I wonder who you think I am
Who the person is you shower your love on
Who the person is you speak of so proudly
Who the person is, instilling doubt in me
Mocking my existence
Questioning my worth every second
Would you love me, no matter the identity
Every time you bring treats for me
I wonder if you would let my love materialize
If I would get my chance to hold you
To be the one to create fragments of joy for you
If I would still be welcomed at your place
If your arms would still be my niche
And not represent the shackles
I sometimes imagine them to be
Does it make me bad, papa
To even imagine you as villain
Far from the hero you used to be
Every time a father and daughter fill my screen
I wonder if we’d have a happy ending
If I would be allowed to love, and to live
Or traditions would eat me up, inch by inch
I wonder how the goodbye would be
If you’ll regret my existence
Or simply forget me
Well you may forgive me
And continue to love me
I hope you stand up for me
When the society stands against me
I hope you still hold your head up high
When there may not seem to be any reason, but me
Proud of the me I will be, the me I am, and the one I used to be
In case you don’t, let the goodbye be gentle
I may still have somewhere to be
Where deafening silence would prevail, of peace and clarity
Occasionally disturbed by small cries of a beautiful destiny
The walls I built around to keep me safe
Don’t promise the things I sometimes crave
I look through the window, the knowns and unknowns
And at times I can feel the life surge closely
The hugs, the smiles, and the experiences go right to my core
Trespassing all the atoms of the bricks, holding promise of more
But I wish nothing breaks these walls
The trade-off of love and safety, I can never knock off
Can’t drop it in favor of love, when I know what it costs
Helpless gamble for me and love
I wonder what the goodbye would be
End of the walls, or endless safety.
Sometimes the insecurity within drives all the actions.