The life I dreamt for myself had a whole lot more ease in it than this
It didn’t allow me to wake up at 4:13 am worrying about money or the next bill
It didn’t create anxious bursts of anxiety when on a walk in the woods because I looked at my bank account and felt dread
It showed up with a person to love and be held by and a little one on the way with no worries or regrets but reality checks in and I’m sitting here in bed at 10:30 am on a Tuesday morning wondering what to make of myself, in my huge California king sized bed meant for two,
trudging through heartbreak,
swimming in the empty void that is not yet filled that he left there in my heart
The laughter and the pain that are both gone from these walls,
I honestly miss both
I would rather be in pain with another than in silence with my thoughts and no one else’s
I miss his voice
And the way he used to look at me with those big round brown eyes
When he would make me a coffee with frothy vanilla oat milk and know just how I like it.
When life hits you hard with the absence of a love, we gotta get low sometimes, down in the dumps, filled up with fear and feelings,
And tears on my pillowcase,
In order to get high,
It’s ok, he says
I miss you he says,
You’ve left a huge gaping hole in my heart he says.
And we’re just on opposite sides of our lives now
Untethered to each other,
Trying to find creative comfort solutions to fill it,
Separately as separate beings
Though I still feel the pull
The line I drew to him hasn’t been fully cut
I’ll see you again soon
He says
As he fills my dreams up with memories- only the good ones - I say I know
Sooner than you think
Nov 4, 2025
Nov 4, 2025 at 1:33 PM UTC
The life I dreamt for myself had a whole lot more ease in it than this
It didn’t allow me to wake up at 4:13 am worrying about money or the next bill
It didn’t create anxious bursts of anxiety when on a walk in the woods because I looked at my bank account and felt dread
It showed up with a person to love and be held by and a little one on the way with no worries or regrets but reality checks in and I’m sitting here in bed at 10:30 am on a Tuesday morning wondering what to make of myself, in my huge California king sized bed meant for two,
trudging through heartbreak,
swimming in the empty void that is not yet filled that he left there in my heart
The laughter and the pain that are both gone from these walls,
I honestly miss both
I would rather be in pain with another than in silence with my thoughts and no one else’s
I miss his voice
And the way he used to look at me with those big round brown eyes
When he would make me a coffee with frothy vanilla oat milk and know just how I like it.
When life hits you hard with the absence of a love, we gotta get low sometimes, down in the dumps, filled up with fear and feelings,
And tears on my pillowcase,
In order to get high,
It’s ok, he says
I miss you he says,
You’ve left a huge gaping hole in my heart he says.
And we’re just on opposite sides of our lives now
Untethered to each other,
Trying to find creative comfort solutions to fill it,
Separately as separate beings
Though I still feel the pull
The line I drew to him hasn’t been fully cut
I’ll see you again soon
He says
As he fills my dreams up with memories- only the good ones - I say I know
Sooner than you think
