Red flashes and white
Black spots and no air
Fear of myself and fear of drowning
Time and experience are a snare
I am hydrophobic
So instead I love fire
A hatred and fear born for water
But fire and smoke guides me clear
I fear my own anger
I fear my own strength
I fear being helpless
More fears among my ranks
I fear giving up
I fear losing friends
I fear so many minor things
And the pain doesn't end
I hate all my mistakes
So in turn I hate myself
I guide it inward so that I can
Lend help to anyone else
I hate to hurt but I hurt myself
I still hate that I do this
But if I'm not hurting others
It must be good, if anger like mist
Clouds my mind rather than my vision
So that I envision terrible things
If no-one is there, it's aimed at me
So clear and vivid, unlike a dream
I picture the pain, or perhaps the death
And when I do, I'm short of breath
I talk to myself, oh maniac I am
But at least I can connect it to where it began
Jul 25, 2016
Jul 25, 2016 at 11:07 PM UTC
Red flashes and white
Black spots and no air
Fear of myself and fear of drowning
Time and experience are a snare
I am hydrophobic
So instead I love fire
A hatred and fear born for water
But fire and smoke guides me clear
I fear my own anger
I fear my own strength
I fear being helpless
More fears among my ranks
I fear giving up
I fear losing friends
I fear so many minor things
And the pain doesn't end
I hate all my mistakes
So in turn I hate myself
I guide it inward so that I can
Lend help to anyone else
I hate to hurt but I hurt myself
I still hate that I do this
But if I'm not hurting others
It must be good, if anger like mist
Clouds my mind rather than my vision
So that I envision terrible things
If no-one is there, it's aimed at me
So clear and vivid, unlike a dream
I picture the pain, or perhaps the death
And when I do, I'm short of breath
I talk to myself, oh maniac I am
But at least I can connect it to where it began
Request permission to use this poem