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reneemariePoems
how do you tell someone you’re losing yourself again how do you tell the people who love you you can’t eat anymore how do you tell them you feel like you’re going to faint every minute of everyday and all you can do is lay in bed and when you do get out of bed the world goes black for a minute how do you explain the constant headache the constant pain in your head not just from the malnourishment but from the thoughts you can’t stop the ones you can’t ever slow down how do you explain that to them how do you say you’re so completely ******* exhausted of this that you don’t want any of this that you resent yourself for thinking this way but at the exact time you can’t let go of it with all the brittle strength inside of you you can’t get rid of this so you sit exhausted during the happiest time of the year just wishing that this time a year ago you weren’t like this life wasn’t this hard every waking second a year ago you could get out of bed you didn’t feel like throwing up every second because you’re migraine is eating away the tiny thing you call your body every inch of it a year go you could bring yourself to brush your teeth and take a shower it didn’t seem like an unbeatable task it seemed like life to be frank, you didn’t think twice of it a year ago how do you explain every time you wake up you miss life you miss living because it doesn’t feel like life right now when you fight with yourself to eat when nourishing your body seems like a tall feat life isn’t quite the same so your life now is dreaming of a life before all this before every part of your life didn’t seem like a task and a burden before you pushed everyone away and locked yourself alone how do you tell them all this because i hear it when i say it how crazy it sounds i see it in their eyes when i’m crying about having a sandwich because the thought of bread and calories makes my whole world collapse i understand how absurd i sound i do don’t worry so what do i do? go back to treatment and have to weigh myself and take my blood pressure to see if insurance thinks i’m sick enough to pay to help me get better do i talk to people about my feelings because that makes me feel even more crazy do i tell my therapist because i haven’t seen her in months because i was okay for a point of time or do i call my doctor so she can tell me that my nausea and migraines are just because i’m not eating enough and how i’m destroying myself how dangerous this is what do i do tell me because all that’s keeping me together the only thing that makes me hold on is a year ago when i wasn’t losing myself.
0
Dec 25, 2020
Dec 25, 2020 at 5:43 PM UTC
losing myself
how do you tell someone you’re losing yourself again how do you tell the people who love you you can’t eat anymore how do you tell them you feel like you’re going to faint every minute of everyday and all you can do is lay in bed and when you do get out of bed the world goes black for a minute how do you explain the constant headache the constant pain in your head not just from the malnourishment but from the thoughts you can’t stop the ones you can’t ever slow down how do you explain that to them how do you say you’re so completely ******* exhausted of this that you don’t want any of this that you resent yourself for thinking this way but at the exact time you can’t let go of it with all the brittle strength inside of you you can’t get rid of this so you sit exhausted during the happiest time of the year just wishing that this time a year ago you weren’t like this life wasn’t this hard every waking second a year ago you could get out of bed you didn’t feel like throwing up every second because you’re migraine is eating away the tiny thing you call your body every inch of it a year go you could bring yourself to brush your teeth and take a shower it didn’t seem like an unbeatable task it seemed like life to be frank, you didn’t think twice of it a year ago how do you explain every time you wake up you miss life you miss living because it doesn’t feel like life right now when you fight with yourself to eat when nourishing your body seems like a tall feat life isn’t quite the same so your life now is dreaming of a life before all this before every part of your life didn’t seem like a task and a burden before you pushed everyone away and locked yourself alone how do you tell them all this because i hear it when i say it how crazy it sounds i see it in their eyes when i’m crying about having a sandwich because the thought of bread and calories makes my whole world collapse i understand how absurd i sound i do don’t worry so what do i do? go back to treatment and have to weigh myself and take my blood pressure to see if insurance thinks i’m sick enough to pay to help me get better do i talk to people about my feelings because that makes me feel even more crazy do i tell my therapist because i haven’t seen her in months because i was okay for a point of time or do i call my doctor so she can tell me that my nausea and migraines are just because i’m not eating enough and how i’m destroying myself how dangerous this is what do i do tell me because all that’s keeping me together the only thing that makes me hold on is a year ago when i wasn’t losing myself.
#eatingdisorder
Written by
reneemarie
Dec 25, 2020
Dec 25, 2020 at 5:43 PM UTC
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