I've been avoiding pavement.
My car key is beginning to rust.
I drank a *** of coffee at 6 o'clock
this morning but by 9,
I was sleeping again.
I've been dragging my
dusty limbs across
these wooden floors,
swallowing fistfuls of
pure white and murky ivory pills
for breakfast,
and throwing half of them up
in the shower
less than an hour later.
I just called to say,
"I can't tell if I'm alive today"
Radio silence
Everything is muted,
grey, and still
And I won't stop pretending
that I'm doing better
until I have no one left
to pretend for
cause that's who I am
from the blood and the mud
that shapes me,
I am a plastic surgeon
every god **** morning
And a brain surgeon
every god **** night
Give me a scalpel and
a bright light
I will cut a smile
across my tired face,
Chipped teeth,
Crimson lips,
I will lobotomize myself
just to forget this
It is seething hot
as it boils up my throat,
Solidified in my mouth
it feels like broken glass
It tastes like
salt water spit
and warm blood,
Once I start to say it
I can't swallow it again,
*"I have never lived a single day
I have never lived a single day
I have never lived a sin
I have never lived
I have never"*
Oct 8, 2015
Oct 8, 2015 at 12:46 AM UTC
I've been avoiding pavement.
My car key is beginning to rust.
I drank a *** of coffee at 6 o'clock
this morning but by 9,
I was sleeping again.
I've been dragging my
dusty limbs across
these wooden floors,
swallowing fistfuls of
pure white and murky ivory pills
for breakfast,
and throwing half of them up
in the shower
less than an hour later.
I just called to say,
"I can't tell if I'm alive today"
Radio silence
Everything is muted,
grey, and still
And I won't stop pretending
that I'm doing better
until I have no one left
to pretend for
cause that's who I am
from the blood and the mud
that shapes me,
I am a plastic surgeon
every god **** morning
And a brain surgeon
every god **** night
Give me a scalpel and
a bright light
I will cut a smile
across my tired face,
Chipped teeth,
Crimson lips,
I will lobotomize myself
just to forget this
It is seething hot
as it boils up my throat,
Solidified in my mouth
it feels like broken glass
It tastes like
salt water spit
and warm blood,
Once I start to say it
I can't swallow it again,
*"I have never lived a single day
I have never lived a single day
I have never lived a sin
I have never lived
I have never"*
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