it occurs to me now
that i cannot see a future
with someone i love
i can open my mind and soul to
if i tell you my deepest fears
let you in
let you know me
then there is no future here
the thought unsettles me
both the notion of not letting someone in
and the thought of letting too much
of myself slip out
it is simple, really:
i hide enough of myself to stay forever comfortable with you
(and forever a little in discomfort in my own skin)
or.
i bare myself to you
and you do the same to me
it is freeing
until it is not
until i wonder if when this air settles
and the fog clears
"will you still love me?"
and so;
nothing is freeing forever
what once starts as freedom in my own skin
has the same ending
but all the while different;
here there is;
not enough comfort to stay
but just enough discomfort to leave.
Jun 22, 2023
Jun 22, 2023 at 10:47 PM UTC
it occurs to me now
that i cannot see a future
with someone i love
i can open my mind and soul to
if i tell you my deepest fears
let you in
let you know me
then there is no future here
the thought unsettles me
both the notion of not letting someone in
and the thought of letting too much
of myself slip out
it is simple, really:
i hide enough of myself to stay forever comfortable with you
(and forever a little in discomfort in my own skin)
or.
i bare myself to you
and you do the same to me
it is freeing
until it is not
until i wonder if when this air settles
and the fog clears
"will you still love me?"
and so;
nothing is freeing forever
what once starts as freedom in my own skin
has the same ending
but all the while different;
here there is;
not enough comfort to stay
but just enough discomfort to leave.
in my opinion, there are different types of people required for both. and if there is the possibility of a future with someone from the beginning then they will never be the type where you can feel free, even if it is fleeting. the nagging what-if; it always persists.
"What horrifies me most is the idea of being useless: well-educated, brilliantly promising, and fading out into an indifferent middle age." - sylvia plath