I see you in the crevices on the sidewalk. I see you when I talk to my friend. Oh, my brother, how I miss you. Oh, my brothers, how you have broken my heart seven times over. I always cry; my tears are my companions as I heal myself.
I hang out with my gay friend who, for some reason, reminds me of you, Zac—or maybe who you could be in a different lifetime. If you would have loved yourself and chosen healing? Because it’s possible for us. I meet myself in the mirror each time, as I see the men who love Star Wars, the way that we used to. I carry a piece of you in my heart always and forever; your sister, unsure if I will ever get to hug you again.
Why does no one talk about the greatest heartbreak of all: grieving the people who are still living, who have treated you like worse than the **** of the earth? Who don’t care if you live or die. I guess I always think about it every time there is a war here—how it wouldn't matter if I would fade away, and how they wouldn’t even know if my body decayed or died in my apartment. There wouldn't be anyone from that old life of mine ,to check up on me.
And yet, some of the greatest people that my heart has ever known have been bullied and come from families that have abused them like mine. So in my friend, I see you, my dear brother. I don't know why; maybe I see the sweetness that was in you before the evil took over. And maybe before the other brother took his eyes away from me, turned his heart cold, and told himself that he doesn't care, rather than greet me and treat me like a human being. Now he grows out his beard to try to escape the pain of his sins, of his parents, and of his own, maybe.
Of course, I will always love them, my dear brothers. I have no family in the world and I don't know how to explain my deep, everlasting pain to someone who doesn't get it. I will never have a family and they will never walk me down the aisle one day. No one from my current life ever knew me for most of my life; it’s so jarring.
Having another heartbroken moment, just had to write about it. Need to stop finding solace in others' brokenness. No one will save me but myself. I put a hand on my heart, take a deep breath, and I move on. I cast my cries into the ocean and walk away. So goodbye, farewell.
Mar 8
Mar 8, 2026 at 2:50 PM UTC
I see you in the crevices on the sidewalk. I see you when I talk to my friend. Oh, my brother, how I miss you. Oh, my brothers, how you have broken my heart seven times over. I always cry; my tears are my companions as I heal myself.
I hang out with my gay friend who, for some reason, reminds me of you, Zac—or maybe who you could be in a different lifetime. If you would have loved yourself and chosen healing? Because it’s possible for us. I meet myself in the mirror each time, as I see the men who love Star Wars, the way that we used to. I carry a piece of you in my heart always and forever; your sister, unsure if I will ever get to hug you again.
Why does no one talk about the greatest heartbreak of all: grieving the people who are still living, who have treated you like worse than the **** of the earth? Who don’t care if you live or die. I guess I always think about it every time there is a war here—how it wouldn't matter if I would fade away, and how they wouldn’t even know if my body decayed or died in my apartment. There wouldn't be anyone from that old life of mine ,to check up on me.
And yet, some of the greatest people that my heart has ever known have been bullied and come from families that have abused them like mine. So in my friend, I see you, my dear brother. I don't know why; maybe I see the sweetness that was in you before the evil took over. And maybe before the other brother took his eyes away from me, turned his heart cold, and told himself that he doesn't care, rather than greet me and treat me like a human being. Now he grows out his beard to try to escape the pain of his sins, of his parents, and of his own, maybe.
Of course, I will always love them, my dear brothers. I have no family in the world and I don't know how to explain my deep, everlasting pain to someone who doesn't get it. I will never have a family and they will never walk me down the aisle one day. No one from my current life ever knew me for most of my life; it’s so jarring.
Having another heartbroken moment, just had to write about it. Need to stop finding solace in others' brokenness. No one will save me but myself. I put a hand on my heart, take a deep breath, and I move on. I cast my cries into the ocean and walk away. So goodbye, farewell.