i have this pain in my heart
because he left me
so i feel hate for him
a hate so big that it can ****
my father my dear father
the ******* that i hate as much as i love...
i hate him because he left me
i hate him because i hate him
i hate him because he's the person because he taught
me how to hate
hate is such a powerful word that has alot of thought
into it
i hate him i wish he would just die
i hate him i wish he would feel what i feel
he is what gets my blood boiling for hate
he taught me how to love and hate at the same time
he taught me the word hatred in my heart
and i hate him with all my heart
if you ask me," Nessa, why do u hate your father?"
i wouldnt have a good answer or a right answer
because to be honest i dont have an answer for such a
question
i just feel this pain in my heart for him
and i hate him
because i cant have him back and because i dont want
him back
im the type of person that usually keeps her feelings
inside no matter what...
so this is one of the truest things i have ever
written
while these tears mark my cheeks
i know that im crying truly because of him
i wish he would one day think and cry for me the way i
cry for him
i want to see him crying and regretting that he lost
his daughter to something so stupid and selfish
a father is supposed to be there no matter what had
happened
i thought i had a hero
and true father that i would say, "wow, my father isnt
like alot of other peoples' father"
"im special"
but i guess it was bound to happen
i wish you could feel everything i feel
the pain i carry with me as i walk the streets or when
i write a poem
or when i simply hear a song
i cant even hear a slow jam without it reminding me of
things that have happened to me
and alot of it makes me cry because i end up hating
you even more
why dont you close your eyes and think for a second...
then just ask yourself...
"am i a good father?"
because i ask myself alot... "am i a good daughter"
and i know im a *****
i know i am
i take no offense in calling myself that
because ive lived up to being a ***** and let me be
that then
it wont do nothing but make me stronger...
i mean im here right?
im living... not happy but im living...
and its cuz of you
cant u feel?
when i cry dont you feel a little discomfort in your
day?
how about in your night or in your sleep?
do u feel anything?
i guess not because i havent received not one phone
call
not one message
not one concern
nothing from you
and i dont want your money
maybe sometimes i feel like i do need it but as my
tears roll down my cheeks and land on my lips,
i answered my own question...
i dont need your money
and even if i did and you were to give it to me i
rather die
i want nothing from you
when you are to walk me down that aisle ....
i hope you have feelings because you'll be crying that
you wont be that man walking me down the aisle...
one day i know that you will feel everything and maybe
even worse than what i feel...
i know this world aint cruel enough to just let me
pass with all this pain
but hey maybe im mistaken.... maybe you do feel and
think at home... but i dont care
because it will make no difference to me
whats done is done
and i wont forgive you
and i wont forget what u did
what i will do is erase you ...
the memory that was
but shouldnt have been...
R.I.P. father...
you're not gone... yet that is...
but i say "rest in peace" now because i know you and
me will get to our deathbeds with this hate...
and honestly i hope you are the one to bury me ...
cuz i dont wanna bury you ...
because imma shed tears of love hate pain and anger...
but to finish it off... imma spit on your grave and
walk away ...
even with tears down my cheeks...
imma spit the same way that you spit on me...
(figuratively speaking) and walked away from me when i
needed you the most...