Out today
To buy some plates
Nought to my liking
I’m in a terrible state!
Stuck behind
a
Renault Espace
‘Yummy Mummy’ (sticker)
In pride of place!
It piqued my interest
So …. I had a peek
‘Yummy Mummy’
What a cheek!
A face that looked like a sicked up bun
Could only
ever
be
loved
By this
Wobbler’s Mum
Oh my God
It made me laugh
*“Cover up those warts,
hey, borrow my scarf”*
What would posses this creature from hell?
To create the illusion
That she was a swell
Does she not realise
That we all have eyes?
A priest would think twice
Before he baptised
You would cross the road
To avoid this face
Yet …. She’s out in the public
**What a ******* disgrace!**
Next to her sat a fat baby pig
Dressed up to the nines
Methinks …
“It’s time for a cig …”
As I inhale
I look up to the sky
Apply too much gas
**“Oh **** … I might die!”**
I slam on the brakes
But alas
It’s too late
No time for reactions
No time for debates
**Crash
Bang
Wallop**
Straight into the rear
The car is a write off
There is trouble
I fear
As I gather my thoughts
This creature appears
Bedraggled and angry
Piglet’s in tears!
I try my best to calm her down
Soothe her wobbly bits
But she is all a bother
**Piggy’s got the *****
*So … I look up and down the road
See … I know the drill*
Just one simple gentle push
‘Yummy Mummys’
Over the hill!
**Now …. Don’t you go a worrying?
Piglet
is
Safe and secure**
I toss old squeaker in the boot
Start on my new detour
Soon I’m home and fired up
It’s time to raise the heat
Piggy will be spit roast
Sweet juices will secrete
Apples are gently cooking
Tatties are crisp and just done
I invite the neighbours over
For some summer bbq fun
Old Man Rodgers sits on his chair
Tucking
into
Porkpie’s arm
Lucy Lee the ******
Gobbles with old aged charm
We had a laugh that breezy day
Love was in the air
We danced naked round the spit roast
**With abandonment
No care**
Soon the feast was over
There was nothing left but bones
We tossed them in the wishing well
With the rest of the unknowns
**So next time you get an inkling
That you’re a ‘yummy’ or a ‘babe’
Be careful where you drive my friend
For your life’s about to fade
Fade into the darkness
Along with all the rest
Please pay attention to these words
For this is my last bequest**