It’s a constant knot in my gut
And lump in my throat
,
I’m always stuck between the feeling
Of either bursting into tears or throwing up
.
And my chest feels like it’s either caving in
Or being torn apart
And I worry about the permanent damage
Left behind by the war between my head
And my heart.
I keep my hands balled into fists to keep anyone from seeing
My dull jagged nails and torn cuticles that never stop bleeding
Due to the hours I spend tearing at my skin.
Maybe I’ll rip enough away to let some of the sickness spill out
And the sunlight spill in.
The doctors called me a wolf biter, due the way that I chew and I tear
At the flesh that surrounds each of my fingernails.
The same way a wolf gnaws on the flesh of its prey
Using its nails and its teeth to shred the outer shell away.
I back myself into a corner and paralyze me with fear
Then turn around and destroy the body keeping me here.
Maybe soon I'll peel back all my skin
And make myself disappear.
A wolf biter, because I allow myself to simultaneously become
Both the hunted, running scared, and the hunter out for blood.
Jun 3, 2014
Jun 3, 2014 at 12:24 AM UTC
It’s a constant knot in my gut
And lump in my throat
,
I’m always stuck between the feeling
Of either bursting into tears or throwing up
.
And my chest feels like it’s either caving in
Or being torn apart
And I worry about the permanent damage
Left behind by the war between my head
And my heart.
I keep my hands balled into fists to keep anyone from seeing
My dull jagged nails and torn cuticles that never stop bleeding
Due to the hours I spend tearing at my skin.
Maybe I’ll rip enough away to let some of the sickness spill out
And the sunlight spill in.
The doctors called me a wolf biter, due the way that I chew and I tear
At the flesh that surrounds each of my fingernails.
The same way a wolf gnaws on the flesh of its prey
Using its nails and its teeth to shred the outer shell away.
I back myself into a corner and paralyze me with fear
Then turn around and destroy the body keeping me here.
Maybe soon I'll peel back all my skin
And make myself disappear.
A wolf biter, because I allow myself to simultaneously become
Both the hunted, running scared, and the hunter out for blood.
Request permission to use this poem