There was a time,
When I picked up a pen and the words would just flow.
My head leaked into my hand and wrote it all down.
Now, I am too busy.
Too tired, too much of what everyone else wants.
I let my dreams slip away,
I miss writing, I miss knowing what I'm feeling.
I miss being centered, having my little place.
There was a time when I looked forward to friends, family.
Now, I look forward to silence.
To a moment to myself to sit and do absolutely nothing at all.
No, I do not want a drink.
No, I am not going to answer the phone.
No, the kids are going to bed, it's past their bed time.
No, I don't know who I am.
Yes, I want to scream.
Yes, sometimes I do want to run away,
go, and live on an island.
No, I would never go anywhere without my kids.
The problem with being a mother,
you watch yourself slowly melt into this person you hardly know.
This person you never, ever thought you would become.
Some days, you become so drained, so lackluster
You think, just for a second...
Where would I be...
I would be no where,
I would be lost,
I would be lonely,
Instead of cuddling my baby,
I would hold a pillow?
Instead of doing hair for a ballet recital,
I would watch a movie with myself?
No smiles?
No kisses?
No one wanting your undivided attention?
Not helping them learn how to be themselves?
I gave up myself, so they could be them,
I am strong, to teach them how to be.
I am happy, because they are.
I am loud, to be heard.
I am quiet, so they can sleep.
I am here, so they can be.
They are everything to me.