Silly Girl

I find I can be such a silly little girl at times.

Don't you agree my love?

I mean I cry all the time,

much like a child, craving attention, spoiled.

I mean, what reason does this princess really have,

for spending nights crying away?

So stupid of me, quite honestly...

I mean, you are never here, when you are,

you are asleep,

or on the phone,

or fighting with me,

or we are having ***

or you are laughing with other people,

while I selfishly sit anxiously out of control,

constantly on the brink it seems,

to have an attention seeking, time wasting panic attack.

And honestly, the way I cause a scene,

as I get head butted, punched in the face

by a full grown man.

It is truly unbecoming, yes I do agree.

I mean, the misssing hair too,

from being pulled out,

should just grow back already.

Like, honestly what is wrong with me?

Why do you put up with me in such a state?

And my dear, leaving someone elses home,

leaving me there, day after day.

Like really, what more could I ask for?

Like honestly when I broke, and would

be in a manic depressive and and anxious all the time.

I left you.

So really I should be fine with being alone constantly.

I mean, you were there for me to support me through so much,

the honest to goodness truth right there.

And when my heart was ripped right out of my chest,

and I was told that my children were to be away from me.

Like honestly, I was such a goofy ***** to you.

While I had heartbreak, and grief and resentment

and I lost so much.

I was really quite stupid, not knowing how to process it.

Not knowing how to release my feelings and fears.

I ruined you at the darkest days of mine.

And I shouldn't be upset at you leaving me,

coming and bringing your new little chick right in.

Insulting me, and yelling at me, hurting me.

I mean I broke up with you all the time,

when I was having a depressive episode.

Or was questioning if I could get over the first time still,

when I broke up with you.

And that night you had someone else to ****

Or was wondering if someone could truly love someone.

Yet , have them waiting sobbing hurt and apologizing

for how my depression hurt you.

While you we across the street ******* someone with the perfect

view of our truck.

I broke up with you,

when you didn't come home, or didn't tell me you were leaving.

Or didn't come to court,

Or make sure I got there, while you had our car.

When you left my dog alone all day in a small room.

Came home at 6pm, then asked me to drive you around,

while you told me how I have been so horrible.

Silly girl, I am such an evil human being in your eyes.

I do honestly deserve to be knocked out don't I?

And slutty and disloyal,

should be my middle names.

I mean any other girl in the universe could pull off,

bailing you out of jail when you were arrested in a hotel room,

with your new **** piece.

There isn't another soul in the world,

that wouldn't even question sending you almost every thing she had,

wouldn't keep putting money on a line that I answered

and talked to you on for hours everyday.

For you to get angry and yell at me for not doing

all the things you needed done.

While I was homeless, broke at times.

It is also truly disgusting, that I couldn't keep my legs closed.

I mean I should always feel wanted by you.

I am stupid to feel insecure, why would I?

I can be such an idiot at times.

Hurting like I do,

crying when you leave me,

so I know I will be alone for the next 16 hours or so.

While you hang out and go places

that you won't take me.

Cause I am just a miserable ***** when you do.

When I am upset at you leaving me in a car for an hour,

while you sit and chat with an female enemy of mine.

Respect? I'm an idiot if I don't feel respected,

honestly I shake my head at me.

What a joke.

I need to just stop it with this stupid depression

and PTSD thing.

I am lying when I say I can't, just stop is all I have to do.

I am a pathological liar.

And why would my goofy *** hate myself?

With so many insults going around,

With being a failure like I am,

fighting so many battles

and losing them all while I gave it my all.

is just the silliest.

I mean I should feel loved,

when I am sobbing asking you to hold me.

And get hit,

When I am begging you to love me.

And you throw garbage at me

walking away

or I take a well deserved punch or two.

I should feel special while you speak to a bunch of other girls.

and you tell me of the horrible things being said about me.

And when I ask for you to come home,

I should not expect anyone to wanna be around my crybaby self.

If I would just stop it and be happy

then you wouldn't have to talk to me like that.

If my stubborn, fat head would only just accept that you want me.

While I cry alone all the time,

sitting with no one to talk to

nothing to do.

You are making us money,

so I just need to stop with my nervous breakdown.

It past the point of too much.

I just need to stop hurting, stop the insecurities

stop the panic attacks and just stop hurting and get over the grief.

If could only stop being a ***** with her head in a vortex.

With bad memories, insults and pain 24/7.

Treating you like ****

stop getting ****** and asking you to want to be near me.

To hold me and love cause I hate myself right now.

Than maybe you wouldn't just be annoyed by tortuous pain in my heart.

Maybe if I could stop going crazy

cause I can just stop it if I wanted to.

I would never be the cause of you to be so angry

that you lash out at me.

Tell me I am the piece of **** I keep saying I am.

Silly girl, just stop the pain,

Stop expecting him to care,

Stop assuming stupid things like you not loving me..

Maybe I would be worthy of your love,

Instead of your punches.

If I would just end my life myself.

You could be the loving, grieving man of a silly girl who just wouldn't get her head out of the clouds.

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