I don’t want you to feel some way about me that i cant about you,
you mean love?
I already knew you couldn’t, wouldn’t, never ever
feel love —
it’s a big red X,
no-mans land,
do not enter,
no trespassing zone,
because i am not that to you —
you can’t even say the word it’s so un-relatable
I made you uncomfortable,
i told you that I love you with all of my heart,
that I love you and I love you and I love you,
but you never said it back, and i knew that
you could never love me
i thought,
I’m not enough, not what you had in mind —
too much of something you can’t wrap your head around,
i’ve got a hold of myself,
can make myself vulnerable to sick ***** like you,
and you still feel sorry for me,
don’t be sorry for me,
be sorry you never allowed yourself to feel,
be sorry you took and took and took,
be sorry you didn’t have the guts to tell me the truth,
you used me, and i let you —
because my heart extended out while yours shriveled into your chest
i gave my summer to you,
and you tricked me into your world,
but i let myself get hooked,
shook me about and crushed all hope
i can’t tell you how much i mourn
the warmth of my touch,
now cold and brittle,
i risked an eternal sun smile
for a minute of a high
and like most drugs,
i became dependent and the pain
was more tragic than the beauty of the high
I mourn what it actually felt like to love,
long before you,
i loved so deeply
my heartbeats became thunderous earthquakes
and everyone knew
before you,
I loved a boy who told me i was magnificent
who held me every day as if it were the last time we’d see each other,
who told the world i kept his heart
before you,
I was heartbroken, really heartbroken,
because I had loved so passionately that my world crumbled around the ruins of my body,
my soul melted into a puddle of pressurized glitter,
diamonds that caught on fire and and rusted
turned to heaps of mud,
I have felt the love of all loves,
and so for you to feel sorry for me,
to think that I have lost something in you,
to confuse in love with love,
my god you must be confused,
because the day you left i became me again,
and i slowly regrew and weeded out all of the sadness you left in me,
the self-hatred i understood to be me,
lived in myself,
lived in my soul again,
i remembered that sun smile, the warmth of love,
i slowly unlearned and relearned
and my face turned into a beam of diamonds,
colors you took momentarily,
colors you drained from my cheeks and eyes.
So if you think i feel some way about you,
If you think I'm in love with you,
Please remember that i have loved and loved and loved
and it was never you.
Dec 5, 2017
Dec 5, 2017 at 1:30 PM UTC
I don’t want you to feel some way about me that i cant about you,
you mean love?
I already knew you couldn’t, wouldn’t, never ever
feel love —
it’s a big red X,
no-mans land,
do not enter,
no trespassing zone,
because i am not that to you —
you can’t even say the word it’s so un-relatable
I made you uncomfortable,
i told you that I love you with all of my heart,
that I love you and I love you and I love you,
but you never said it back, and i knew that
you could never love me
i thought,
I’m not enough, not what you had in mind —
too much of something you can’t wrap your head around,
i’ve got a hold of myself,
can make myself vulnerable to sick ***** like you,
and you still feel sorry for me,
don’t be sorry for me,
be sorry you never allowed yourself to feel,
be sorry you took and took and took,
be sorry you didn’t have the guts to tell me the truth,
you used me, and i let you —
because my heart extended out while yours shriveled into your chest
i gave my summer to you,
and you tricked me into your world,
but i let myself get hooked,
shook me about and crushed all hope
i can’t tell you how much i mourn
the warmth of my touch,
now cold and brittle,
i risked an eternal sun smile
for a minute of a high
and like most drugs,
i became dependent and the pain
was more tragic than the beauty of the high
I mourn what it actually felt like to love,
long before you,
i loved so deeply
my heartbeats became thunderous earthquakes
and everyone knew
before you,
I loved a boy who told me i was magnificent
who held me every day as if it were the last time we’d see each other,
who told the world i kept his heart
before you,
I was heartbroken, really heartbroken,
because I had loved so passionately that my world crumbled around the ruins of my body,
my soul melted into a puddle of pressurized glitter,
diamonds that caught on fire and and rusted
turned to heaps of mud,
I have felt the love of all loves,
and so for you to feel sorry for me,
to think that I have lost something in you,
to confuse in love with love,
my god you must be confused,
because the day you left i became me again,
and i slowly regrew and weeded out all of the sadness you left in me,
the self-hatred i understood to be me,
lived in myself,
lived in my soul again,
i remembered that sun smile, the warmth of love,
i slowly unlearned and relearned
and my face turned into a beam of diamonds,
colors you took momentarily,
colors you drained from my cheeks and eyes.
So if you think i feel some way about you,
If you think I'm in love with you,
Please remember that i have loved and loved and loved
and it was never you.