Fifteen years on earth, about ten of them conscious, I’m beginning to think I lost it.
Seven year old self would think he would be with a girl with the looks of a dove, he thought he would be a fierce, stone cold player like a fox
but at fifteen it's a boy that he loves.
It really took acceptance, it really took thought, it really took every vein in my body that pumps to my heart to know that I’m me. Every fragment of my brain fought the truth for all these years, all the assumptions of being gay shooting through my ears, I was once soft, then became hard, but the balled up fists went to wiping tears. I was never angry at what they said, it became common since youth, I was angry that I would one day have to say it’s the truth.
I don’t even remember the time, I guess time is damning, all I know is that it hit me. “You’re a guy Bracyn, You’re a guy”, that night that stigma died when I told my best friend I was bi. It felt like summer in snow, a high when I was low. The words “I accept you” “I’m so proud” turned me into a dove instead of crow. In the present I can’t say I was because I am. I preached to my cousin, she was the same. The dominoes were stacking in the very right place. In your favorite little story they all get knocked down, my mom saw the boy and they all made sound. Rows and rows, made stacks and stacks, I will never forget how she’d react.
Three days post, she finally opened up her message, her words were like Harvard because she said “I was accepted”.
Wednesday, I could never downplay. I want to shed tears every time it crosses my mind. It was my first time seeing him in person. I felt every caterpillar in my chest crack the cocoon and the felt butterflies rest. I would swing on that swing every chance that I could. Stare at the bridge and smell the old man’s wood. I would walk to that park for years and years, and rest my hands in between your fingers. I would hug you over, and over again. In front of my mom, in front of my friends. I would lock eyes with you for the longest duration, I could stare forever, never impatient.
We were boundless, and lawless. No money involved, it was costless. The nights on the phone and my heart racing during texts. You telling me goodnight before we would rest.
I regret everything… I wish I never found love. Because without you, it’s an empty hug, an empty mug, a placebo drug. You made me happy plus happy, but you’re subtracted, so now I’m stuck.
I’ve been exiled from Verona not by Prince but by mother. But I can’t move to the next and find another. I would have to beg for a pardon, beg for forgiveness. It’s hard to put a puzzle piece in a place where it is rigid. My mistakes have been my downfall, that’s my cunning curse, was it a mistake talking to you because this love really burns. I can’t even write your name on paper. It'll burn into ashes, I want to put you in the future but it turned into past tense. The worst part is… I thought I could hide it, but to be honest… I can’t even mask it. Such a big feeling but I can’t even track it, it’s been living in the states, but I can’t even tax it.
The documents were never official…we never signed. But I never lied, glanced, or checked another party. I just needed to notarize this connection. Stamp our affection. But…no label is fine. I just wish I had the right to call you mine. The right to say “my first boyfriend”. The right to say he did me ***** and still go back to him. But I assume that ends… on a date of 2/26/26. Maybe if the 26’s were opposite maybe we’d attract. I just see your eyes close in my mind, the first experience really being bi, and within 4 weeks… it’s goodbi.
Mar 2
Mar 2, 2026 at 6:27 PM UTC
Fifteen years on earth, about ten of them conscious, I’m beginning to think I lost it.
Seven year old self would think he would be with a girl with the looks of a dove, he thought he would be a fierce, stone cold player like a fox
but at fifteen it's a boy that he loves.
It really took acceptance, it really took thought, it really took every vein in my body that pumps to my heart to know that I’m me. Every fragment of my brain fought the truth for all these years, all the assumptions of being gay shooting through my ears, I was once soft, then became hard, but the balled up fists went to wiping tears. I was never angry at what they said, it became common since youth, I was angry that I would one day have to say it’s the truth.
I don’t even remember the time, I guess time is damning, all I know is that it hit me. “You’re a guy Bracyn, You’re a guy”, that night that stigma died when I told my best friend I was bi. It felt like summer in snow, a high when I was low. The words “I accept you” “I’m so proud” turned me into a dove instead of crow. In the present I can’t say I was because I am. I preached to my cousin, she was the same. The dominoes were stacking in the very right place. In your favorite little story they all get knocked down, my mom saw the boy and they all made sound. Rows and rows, made stacks and stacks, I will never forget how she’d react.
Three days post, she finally opened up her message, her words were like Harvard because she said “I was accepted”.
Wednesday, I could never downplay. I want to shed tears every time it crosses my mind. It was my first time seeing him in person. I felt every caterpillar in my chest crack the cocoon and the felt butterflies rest. I would swing on that swing every chance that I could. Stare at the bridge and smell the old man’s wood. I would walk to that park for years and years, and rest my hands in between your fingers. I would hug you over, and over again. In front of my mom, in front of my friends. I would lock eyes with you for the longest duration, I could stare forever, never impatient.
We were boundless, and lawless. No money involved, it was costless. The nights on the phone and my heart racing during texts. You telling me goodnight before we would rest.
I regret everything… I wish I never found love. Because without you, it’s an empty hug, an empty mug, a placebo drug. You made me happy plus happy, but you’re subtracted, so now I’m stuck.
I’ve been exiled from Verona not by Prince but by mother. But I can’t move to the next and find another. I would have to beg for a pardon, beg for forgiveness. It’s hard to put a puzzle piece in a place where it is rigid. My mistakes have been my downfall, that’s my cunning curse, was it a mistake talking to you because this love really burns. I can’t even write your name on paper. It'll burn into ashes, I want to put you in the future but it turned into past tense. The worst part is… I thought I could hide it, but to be honest… I can’t even mask it. Such a big feeling but I can’t even track it, it’s been living in the states, but I can’t even tax it.
The documents were never official…we never signed. But I never lied, glanced, or checked another party. I just needed to notarize this connection. Stamp our affection. But…no label is fine. I just wish I had the right to call you mine. The right to say “my first boyfriend”. The right to say he did me ***** and still go back to him. But I assume that ends… on a date of 2/26/26. Maybe if the 26’s were opposite maybe we’d attract. I just see your eyes close in my mind, the first experience really being bi, and within 4 weeks… it’s goodbi.