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Hunter1101Poems
Words cut deeper than this knife through my skin Words building me up on a pedestal only to knock me down Words healing the wounds only to make them deeper like a child picking a scab, healing before digging, creating a scar that tells of their past. Scars are my trophies I survived with these wounds Battles I have lost, this war I am fighting Every yell, a sword through my already shattered heart Words cut through me deeper and deeper Why do others make me feel this way That no matter what I do I can never be enough for anyone I lie every day, my smile, my thoughts, my actions The only thing that allows me to be myself is my art, the darkness hung in my room, hidden in drawers, thoughts tucked in my mind No matter what I do everyone looks at me scared Of what? What I could do? What I can do? I try every day to be the little girl everyone once knew The one who smiled everyday The one that could cheer everyone up Today my smile is fake I want people to know, but I don’t I deserve everything that has and will happen I deserve my pain, to be alone, to watch everyone breathe as I sink deeper into this ocean of worry, pain, and sadness My hand waits to be held to bring me to the surface, helping me to breathe My lungs burn, burn for love, to be noticed But I know I don’t deserve happiness, love, attention, this home, this bed, this luxury, this life No matter how much I tell myself I will never be enough, I know I am selfish What’s wrong with me, is nothing compared to those kicked from their homes, disowned by family The want to help is strong, but how can I help others when I must help myself first? All I think about is helping others, putting myself at the very bottom of the list Save everyone, myself not included I’m like the new toy that everyone wants at first but when they get bored I’m thrown out and forgotten under the bed with these monsters I’ve got the looks of a human girl, I’ve got the soul Batteries not included My heart is slowly dying, my last breath wasted on asking myself what I did wrong Could I do better? Can I change so that I can be accepted into this life where no matter what I do I’m wrong I dress up, I must want attention I put on sweatpants, I am lazy I feel confident enough to wear shorts that lay on my thighs, I’m a **** I cover up my body, something must be hidden They say you’re beautiful no matter what, only to say you are anything but I’m trapped in my own skin, screaming for help as my mind and heart pull away Scars on my skin are all I have left to show my pain, too numb to speak My tears dried up My words stuck in my throat Thoughts on paper Pictures, on my skin Once pure, now suffocating by screaming demons, dragging me to my personal hell I have no Angel to save me, no savior I push everyone away so they cannot see my horrid mind Fear, life, nightmares Afraid of my demons That they’re dragged down with me for those who stay Terrified that demons will be awaken I cannot let others suffer to save me Images of the once joyful faces, frown at the thought of being happy No one should want to feel pain because they have gone numb The ones I love shouldn’t go through what I have done Only voices that beat me down are my own And yet I stand I need to show that I can be strong in these times I will hold myself up Though I have lost battles I will win the war I gave into my demons but I am pulling myself up from my burning desires Finally able to breathe I can see my future I see I can be happy My scars are just a chapter I’m still writing this story My head held high Only I can control what is to come next I will fight for others I will pick up those who have fallen I am only human I will fall, break, bleed, fall apart I will have my bad days and I will have my good I will fight I will win I am only human
0
Jan 31, 2018
Jan 31, 2018 at 2:19 PM UTC
Being Human
Words cut deeper than this knife through my skin Words building me up on a pedestal only to knock me down Words healing the wounds only to make them deeper like a child picking a scab, healing before digging, creating a scar that tells of their past. Scars are my trophies I survived with these wounds Battles I have lost, this war I am fighting Every yell, a sword through my already shattered heart Words cut through me deeper and deeper Why do others make me feel this way That no matter what I do I can never be enough for anyone I lie every day, my smile, my thoughts, my actions The only thing that allows me to be myself is my art, the darkness hung in my room, hidden in drawers, thoughts tucked in my mind No matter what I do everyone looks at me scared Of what? What I could do? What I can do? I try every day to be the little girl everyone once knew The one who smiled everyday The one that could cheer everyone up Today my smile is fake I want people to know, but I don’t I deserve everything that has and will happen I deserve my pain, to be alone, to watch everyone breathe as I sink deeper into this ocean of worry, pain, and sadness My hand waits to be held to bring me to the surface, helping me to breathe My lungs burn, burn for love, to be noticed But I know I don’t deserve happiness, love, attention, this home, this bed, this luxury, this life No matter how much I tell myself I will never be enough, I know I am selfish What’s wrong with me, is nothing compared to those kicked from their homes, disowned by family The want to help is strong, but how can I help others when I must help myself first? All I think about is helping others, putting myself at the very bottom of the list Save everyone, myself not included I’m like the new toy that everyone wants at first but when they get bored I’m thrown out and forgotten under the bed with these monsters I’ve got the looks of a human girl, I’ve got the soul Batteries not included My heart is slowly dying, my last breath wasted on asking myself what I did wrong Could I do better? Can I change so that I can be accepted into this life where no matter what I do I’m wrong I dress up, I must want attention I put on sweatpants, I am lazy I feel confident enough to wear shorts that lay on my thighs, I’m a **** I cover up my body, something must be hidden They say you’re beautiful no matter what, only to say you are anything but I’m trapped in my own skin, screaming for help as my mind and heart pull away Scars on my skin are all I have left to show my pain, too numb to speak My tears dried up My words stuck in my throat Thoughts on paper Pictures, on my skin Once pure, now suffocating by screaming demons, dragging me to my personal hell I have no Angel to save me, no savior I push everyone away so they cannot see my horrid mind Fear, life, nightmares Afraid of my demons That they’re dragged down with me for those who stay Terrified that demons will be awaken I cannot let others suffer to save me Images of the once joyful faces, frown at the thought of being happy No one should want to feel pain because they have gone numb The ones I love shouldn’t go through what I have done Only voices that beat me down are my own And yet I stand I need to show that I can be strong in these times I will hold myself up Though I have lost battles I will win the war I gave into my demons but I am pulling myself up from my burning desires Finally able to breathe I can see my future I see I can be happy My scars are just a chapter I’m still writing this story My head held high Only I can control what is to come next I will fight for others I will pick up those who have fallen I am only human I will fall, break, bleed, fall apart I will have my bad days and I will have my good I will fight I will win I am only human
Written by
Hunter1101
18/Non-binary
Jan 31, 2018
Jan 31, 2018 at 2:19 PM UTC
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