I would like to say that i am one of those girls
who drink ***** shooters because ‘enough shots feels like love’
but sadly
i am one of those girls
who like to drink
whiskey
until my own miserable
lack of self worth and resentment slithers up out of my throat
but there are men who can smell
this on my skin
like a desperate pheromone calling
to them
saying ‘lovemeusememakemefeelworththy’
but i have a problem knowing the difference between
love and worth and the desperate scrambling of hands
on scalps and legs
because i love my ******* self
and have so much worth
that when men are repelled by my goddess
strength in my shoulders
and the fire on my tongue
i sink into this pit
and wonder why
i am not wanted
and the difference between worth
and being able to look into your own eyes
without seeing a monster
for ten seconds
is terrifying
and maybe that’s why i shatter mirrors
and carve tally marks into my own
leg
because the monster in me isn’t visible
on the outside
so i let her out and let her
cough and sputter
and cling to people
and let her whisper in their ears
all the words i hate to say
and when i drink
she comes out to play
but she still winks at me when i am sober
and like the gods of old i only exist
when i am being prayed to
but the faith in me is flickering out behind the eyes of men
Jun 16, 2013
Jun 16, 2013 at 5:47 PM UTC
I would like to say that i am one of those girls
who drink ***** shooters because ‘enough shots feels like love’
but sadly
i am one of those girls
who like to drink
whiskey
until my own miserable
lack of self worth and resentment slithers up out of my throat
but there are men who can smell
this on my skin
like a desperate pheromone calling
to them
saying ‘lovemeusememakemefeelworththy’
but i have a problem knowing the difference between
love and worth and the desperate scrambling of hands
on scalps and legs
because i love my ******* self
and have so much worth
that when men are repelled by my goddess
strength in my shoulders
and the fire on my tongue
i sink into this pit
and wonder why
i am not wanted
and the difference between worth
and being able to look into your own eyes
without seeing a monster
for ten seconds
is terrifying
and maybe that’s why i shatter mirrors
and carve tally marks into my own
leg
because the monster in me isn’t visible
on the outside
so i let her out and let her
cough and sputter
and cling to people
and let her whisper in their ears
all the words i hate to say
and when i drink
she comes out to play
but she still winks at me when i am sober
and like the gods of old i only exist
when i am being prayed to
but the faith in me is flickering out behind the eyes of men
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